Meet Dr. Partha Chattopadhya – First Indian professional writer to write about men’s issues

Dr Partha Chattopadhya

The writer on FB

Recently Dr. Partha Chattopadhya a professional Bengali writer, psychologist and a professional marriage counselor was in news for his unique and first of its kind effort in India – “Purush”. Purush is the first book written by a professional Indian writer that focus on men’s issues. This invaluable work from journalist-writer Dr. Partha Chattopadhya earned accolades from many as it was a bold attempt to break all stereotypes.

 

Read a review of his book Purush – Here

Many of his ardent followers however did criticize him for this effort and told him that he had wasted his time doing research on this matter. In a close interview with The Male Factor he regretted that even men who suffered false cases under IPC 498a (or prevention of cruelty against women act or popularly known as Indian dowry act) also criticized his effort and commented that men’s rights (that helps male victims of IPC 498a) as joke. Not only they were ignorant about the fact that MRAs exist, as Dr. Chattopadhya commented some of them felt miserable to go to MRAs for any help.

This observation however clarifies why men’s rights is needed in the country and how MRAs can make a difference in the lives of future generation of men. Men who presently do not even understand the need of men’s rights for ending the social misandry prevailing in most of them are sure to experience a doomsday in future if no one fights for male rights.

I was fortunate to get some time out of his busy schedule for this interview –

Q. What made you write about men and their issues?

When I started writing about gender issues I chose to write about women first. But that was one sided. Journalists should always write about both sides. So I started research on men and their issues.

Q. Tell me more about your previous books, especially the books on depression.

My research showed that women suffer more from depression. The reason is that they think more and their external life is limited. Neurosis is a genetic disorder. I have seen a woman suffering from depression when she tried to satisfy everyone around her but failed in doing so. She didn’t understand that it is human characteristics to criticize others.

Q. How should one fight depression?

Power of being resilient comes from one’s childhood. It needs to be taught to a child at an early age. One needs to understand the psychology of oneself and build one’s own philosophy in order to be resilient to outside influence.

Medication can help to get relief from depression but mental exercise, counseling, reading good books or positive articles and mingling with other people can help immensely. While socialization may be helpful social media addiction is dangerous like addiction of anything else.

To learn more one can read my Bengali series on Depression.

Q. Tell me something about your series on women.

I have written “Nari Bhalo Nei” (women are not well) as I found some men dominate women. They treat women really badly. In fact, I found that in any relation one partner wants to dominate the other. Men dominate and women want to take revenge.

Q. Do you think rape is really increased in India nowadays?

We may feel that rape cases has increased but it is because rape is being focused more nowadays.

Q. What do you think about feminism?

When feminism started it was really needed. Women’s right to vote or the abortion rights. But today feminism has reached an extreme stage. Gender equality is reaching a level of torture for everyone. Homosexuality is made legal but we can’t change nature. People take birth with different abnormalities and homosexuality is one form of abnormality.

Q. What do you think about Men’s Rights?

I don’t think it needs to be separate. It needs to be human rights. Both genders need rights. Feminists don’t believe that genders need different things. Gender biased laws are not acceptable. Laws should not be against nature. Not even one.

Q. What do you think is the perception of men’s rights in India?

People don’t know about this. Nobody known about International Men’s Day (IMD). Many people said IMD is false, many laughed about it. I wrote “Purush” to increase awareness about it.

Q. Why do you think marriages are breaking in India?

It is because of absence of mutual respect. People don’t have mutual respect today. Dignity is absent. Superiority complex is stumbling block in a relation. We are asking equal rights in law but emotional equality is absent. Women think denying sex to husband is empowerment. We consider everything – Money, Family, Status, Reference, Education etc. to finalize a marriage but not mutual respect. Everyone has their own opinion and unless the partners respect each other’s opinion they can’t be happily married.

Q. Do you see any reason for this unnecessary growth of malignant feminism? What are the forces behind this?

Whatever we see today is not feminism. They have not read feminism. Many real feminists don’t support modern feminists. Reason – modern feminists want to be pampered. They might have done good things in past and some of them lead good family life but says diff things to be popular. They have political backing.

Q. In your life as a marriage counselor what kinds of domestic crimes did you see these genders committing more and why?

I found that women commit more adultery compared to men. In terms of domestic violence both men, women are equal. Women commit huge mental torture which is equivalent to physical violence. Mental torture is intolerable. Women provoke men for violence and a lot of women do beat men in domestic relations.

Q. In Indian relationships which gender is more responsible for break ups?

It is difficult to quantify like this. I have seen that both genders are equally responsible for marriage break ups.

Even though I wanted to get more relationship insights from him. Due to his busy schedule he could not afford to spend more time with me and I wish I would be able to meet him again and get his invaluable insights about other relationship aspects.

***

Book review – “Purush” by Dr. Partha Chattopadhya

Purush

Books for self-development is not new in English literature. Many of us are proud owners of some of these books. These written by great philosophers help us understand the changing social perspective and help us to adapt to social changes. However, such effort is comparatively less in Indian literature.

Dr. Partha Chattopdhya who is a journalist, writer and a marriage counsellor brings his unique insights acquired through his lifelong research and counselling experience to understand men and their psychology in a new book titled “Purush”. This is first of its kind work for men in Bengali literature.

According to him, human beings had always been the main focus of Dr Chaterjee’s work. As a journalist he had met many people in his career. After retiring, he started marriage counselling and that helped him understand human behavior better.

On the occasion of International Men’s Day on 19th November, 2015 he has released this book as the third one in his man-woman trilogy. This book titled “Purush” (or Men) discusses different aspects of men, mainly Indian men. These include male psychology, male behavior, male physiology, sexuality and different issues faced by men. While discussing issues he had elaborately discussed legal issues faced by Indian men.

Even though this book was written keeping Indian men in focus, whenever needed he had also shown studies by international researchers or discussed the behavior of men from other countries. Since he had dealt with men in their social and family perspective, he had discussed culture and relationship dynamics in detail. This is an important aspect in behavioral study of men that he had dealt with.

The book starts with the discussion of the factors that shape a male mind, the factors that controls and shapes his future behavior. The author also discusses relevant science behind the psychology of a man. He shows how our hormones and different social reinforcements creates a man. In this aspect he also discusses anatomy of men and women and shows that our gender is not decided by our genitals alone, but it is a combination of our hormones and our mind, too.

His explanation that man and woman both carries the hormones of the other gender in different proportions and one’s upbringing creates a complete persona. Our gender is thus a fluid identity and is very complex. This confirms that our perception that the world is divided between the male and female gender is wrong. Hormones and our mental setup makes us male or female to varying degree. That is why individuals carrying male genitals may be homo/hetero/bi/asexual. Also the male characteristics of different individuals may vary based on the presence of varying degree of hormones.

The author had also discussed nuances of anthropology and the evolution of mankind to make his readers understand how the modern man had evolved over a period of time and how his mind and nature was shaped. In this aspect he had also discussed sexuality of both the genders openly and debunked many myths created by the feminists.

By discussing the gender role expectations he had shown that even women will not like their life partners the way feminists want to transform men. Since both genders carry hormones of the other gender both can nurture certain traits of the other gender and master them but he argues that the feminist way of changing men may go against nature.

He had discussed male sexuality and teen-age / premarital and extramarital sex as well. Since he has huge counseling experience he could do that easily and with relevant examples. Like any other average writer he didn’t blame men for every sex. Rather he had shown the need of women to be more responsible as he had observed that only women have power to control all sexual activities. In this aspect he had criticized filing rape case for consensual pre-marriage sex on promise of marriage as well.

The main attraction of this book is its effort in understanding the sexuality of the two genders and discussing the factors that lead one to commit to extramarital affairs. He had shown with examples that even if one is not having sexual overdrive, one can commit to extramarital sex. In this aspect understanding one’s sexual drive is very important. He had observed that seemingly innocent outlook of the person is not guarantee of woman not seeking sex outside marriage. Many a times a woman herself does not know why she engages in extramarital relations.

However, the author had also showed that people with sexual overdrive may eventually fall prey to depression. His observation, sexual overdrive is caused by excessive hormone flow. This can occur in both the genders and certain kinds of genes are responsible for that. Men with sexual overdrive are termed as rapists while women nymphomaniacs are not punished. In this aspect he had also discussed global rape statistics and criticized Indian political parties for making rape a political weapon. While discussing rape he had also criticized the media that create and sell sex in all forms and thus make people feel addicted to it. Pertinently enough he raised the question of fueling an overtly hyped sexual environment and polluting everyone’s mind. A perspective that even women need to take responsibility of rape will surely be eyesore for feminists who are ready to walk naked too.

Regarding the controversy around women’s dress being the reason for rape, he had mentioned that not every illiterate man knows that dressing any manner they like is women’s right. In this aspect, probably he could also bring the points of India’s conservative social fabric and dressing according to the occasion. Many girls, especially the feminists today lack that sense.

While discussing rape, the author had also discussed marital rape. A favorite topic for Indian feminists today. He had shown how women can control every marital relation if marital rape becomes another section. This would eventually term every man as a rapist. In this aspect he had also described the possibility that a man with sexual overdrive may easily get a rape case from his frigid wife for no fault of his. He observed that even though women can also rape men, they will not be punished under marital rape section and demanded rape law to be gender neutral.

While discussing about stress and depression in genders, the author observed that even women don’t know for sure why they are stressed. Those who are only homemakers and work in very low stressful environment, also get stressed. In many cases such women blame their husbands for their stress. Husbands are compressed between expectations of their mother and their wife and many eventually commit suicide because men do not share their pain with anyone or they don’t want to in fear of being termed as weak.

The author discussed the challenges of nuclear families and old parents in families. He had correctly painted the status of old age parents in modern nuclear families and showed how old parents are considered as burden by their younger generation. Widower aged men are very often considered as outcast by their DILs, because these men can’t help them in their day to day household work or raising children.

In the end the author discussed the Indian family laws and support system for men. His mention of Men’s community center by Confidare or Men’s rights initiatives by Hridaya will give men some hope for their future.

Clearly in this book the author had taken up men’s issues very elaborately and in candid manner. He has shown how insensitive Indian media and political parties bringing doomsday for men. The examples shared in this book from his counseling experience tell the readers about the gloomy state of affairs for men in the country.

Being associated with men’s rights groups and doing counseling for educated men in matrimonial disputes I could understand the level of research and experience he has brought in this book. This is a must read book for all Indian men and women. This is a collectors’ item because this kind of well researched book is very rare in any literature. I thank the author for writing this masterpiece and request him to get the book translated into English for a wider reach. The effort of Dey’s Publishing in bringing this out is highly commendable.

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Book Review – How To Choose Your Partner by Shanti Swaroop

How to choose Mr. RightWhat is the secret of successful long lasting marriages? Is there any such formula exist in present day life of instant love and break up?

I have been trying to find out the formula of successful marriages for a few years. I have conducted surveys of successful and unsuccessful love marriages to find out if there is any secret formula that existed. One problem that I have found is that changing nature and expectations from partners very often lead to divorces. I have seen even love marriages breaking in no time and always wondered why this happens.

Shanti Swaroop in his latest work has done my job easier by bringing out the methodology to choose the right companion. His book “How to choose Mr. Right” he has discussed the factors to be considered for choosing the right person. Even though he had made it gender specific and showed men as the culprit of breaking relations in this book, I found that the qualities discussed in the book could be found similar for both the genders. I did the review considering it to be valid for both genders as he has claimed in the beginning of the book.

The book written on the concept of Healthy Marriage devotes first four chapters convincing its readers about the political issue and demanding to the govt. about looking into the issue. I felt this conversation was completely unnecessary. Because one starts reading this book with the expectation of understanding the traits in other person that can help them find their soulmate and not to get into unnecessary political discussion.

The fifth chapter is dedicated to convince the reader that arranged marriage is the seed of disaster and this chapter seems to be heavily influenced by western literature. In India arranged marriages are still most successful and hence I felt this chapter was redundant too.

In sixth chapter he discussed the importance of preparing oneself for marriage. This section is helpful in understanding the critical factors one needs to prepare oneself of before marriage. The references of pre-marriage counselling centers and tips are helpful. However, most of the website URLs shared by the author does not work. Author probably needed to remember that printed material is different from any online material.

Next three chapters respectively on pre-marriage education, counselling and investigation talks about each of these subjects in detail. These chapters give clear understanding to the readers about the process and methods followed before marriage are scientific and has greater possibility of leading to success. The resources shared in these sections are valuable and informative, too.

Chapter 10 discusses the way to find out a liar by their behavior. It discusses several traits found common in liars. The book very well shows the signs of identifying a liar at an early stage. The book discusses the traits exhibited by such persons in details in their day to day habits. I found this chapter to be most informative of all.

Next chapter talks about knowing the childhood of the person. The book discusses how the knowledge of childhood of a person can help us identify the person’s behavior as an adult. This chapter discusses how childhood events and traits can impact one’s character.

The book also talks about knowing the details of the person’s health and communication. But there are some chapters in the book towards the end that I felt are redundant and was not necessary.

Overall, I felt that this book was a good attempt to understand the right person as companion. However, a lot of unnecessary chapters keep one wondering about the intention of those chapters. Also the book is highly misnadric as it is written with an intention to show men as primarily responsible for all divorces, but this book can give one a perspective to understand behavior of a soulmate.

This book published by Healthy Marriage Initiative is priced at Rs. 200.00 in India and USD 30.00 for global audience. 244 pages is on a very higher side for this book or the content covered. The author could aim at keeping the page number lower, may be half of what it currently has. I found the books referred by the author to be good for anyone to keep for a lifetime. However, I could not fathom the need to keep the title as “How To Choose Mr. Right” when it can be used for either gender. Probably the author wanted to cash on the existing misandry in us to sell more copies. I suggest the author changes the title to “How to Choose Your Partner” and make it more appealing to everyone.

***

Finding True Love

Bone of Contention
Previous – Of Sex, Rape and False Rape

This article is third in my Kamasutra series of exploring human sexuality. This article and the next will try to find out how we can find out our true love or whether there is something called a true love exists in the world.

In recent times, growing divorce rates in the world makes everyone wonder about the real issues in finding our life partners. Being associated with men’s groups and having spoken with men who suffered relationship jitters in their lives, so far I had failed to get to any conclusion to get a right life partner from a man’s perspective. However, my recent reading of “A Passionate Gospel of True Love” by author Poonam Uppal helped me get the other side of the picture from a feminine perspective and to get to an answer to this issue of getting a partner for life.

Passionate Gospel of True Love

Apart from being a review of the book, this article and the next in this series will consider the feminine perspective of definition of true love from this book.

I have always wondered what makes us choose a life partner. With more marriages falling apart, question arises whether we are finding the right life partner at all.

I have seen both love and arranged marriages breaking apart within a few years of marriage. I have also seen that cruelty experienced by men in some love marriages is more compared to that experienced by men in their arranged marriages. I felt that the love marriages were breaking more compared to arranged marriages but that feeling was never backed by any statistics. Mostly, I found men being clueless about their relationship issues and hence I could not get any definite solution to the issue. One reason I felt was men not being responsive to the subtle cues they receive from their partners. This is because women have the tendency of giving subtle and indirect cues, and men being straightforward in their nature ignoring all of them. This book gave me the feminine perspective of relationship issues that could help men understand the cues they get from their life partners.

Before I delve into the issue of finding true love it is important that we understand that there exists three different types of men and women in terms of their sexual drive. Vatsayana had shown us the classification in his work Kamasutra.

Based, on dimension, force or desire of passion and time of passion, Vatsayana had classified men and women. According to this, there are three classes of women namely – female deer, a mare and a female elephant. Men are classified as the hare man, the bull man and the horse man. Basically what Vatsayana meant by this classification was that sexual drive of different individuals are different and hence the union of different types of individuals will lead to different results.

Khajuraho Sculpture

If we look into our personal relations today, we will find that most of the marriages have problem of sexual incompatibility as the partners are not chosen based on these sexual drives. So it is natural that most of the relations undergo such problems even without the partners realizing the real issues or discussing about them. Even though Vatsayana had defined ways to satisfy the partner in a sexual incompatibility situation but most of the people getting into relationships are not aware of them. Result, most marriages bleed internally until those fall apart in a bitter way.

In all divorce situations a man suffers most atrocities. When a man’s sexual drive is more compared to that of the woman, he is termed as the rapist and is liable to be punished under marital rape and domestic violence; whereas when his desire is less compared to that of his partner, he is considered to be impotent. In both cases the man is held responsible for the sexual incompatibility and the woman is compensated. Many of our marriages survive sexual incompatibility because the man continues to play the provider and protector role and women stay happy with property, kids and jewellery.

In this book Poonam Uppal (Moh) brings about the need of finding one’s true love. Even though she did not talk about sexual incompatibility of the couples, I found it of paramount importance and thus brought it to focus.

There are different factors that a man and a woman looks for while selecting a life partner. This video by the researchers of Discovery TV shows us what women find attractive in men –

It is surprising but true that sexual attractiveness of men comes from his ability of being a provider and protector for his family. This is the ancient nature of men that had created a patriarchal system and made men the provider and protector. This experiment showed that no matter how modern a woman becomes, she still wants her man to own up all responsibilities in the family and act as the provider and protector. The example of a car showing the personality of the man who owns the same and thus attracting women is nothing but showing his capability of protecting her in real life.

The imaginary hike in man’s salary increasing his sexual attractiveness and perceived sexual compatibility also shows us that women want their life partners to be providers for them. It does not matter how empowered and independent she is. This characteristic desired by women in their life partners makes gender equality a myth, because women in true sense do not want equality. They want their partners to own them up completely while giving them space for their freedom.

Problem is a man owning a woman and a man giving her personal space can’t go hand in hand and conflicts are bound to happen. A man who owns up his life partner is expected to set her boundaries, be jealous when she openly goes out with other men or be angry over her freely mingling with other unwanted men who may be his competitors. It thus leaves a huge grey area for the men trying to follow this, making him either a lenient idiot or a stubborn chauvinist. Both kinds of men are put off as life partners for women. It thus completely depends on the woman to decide on a relationship and they become solely responsible for breaking of all relationships.

Khajuraho Sculpture 2Coming to the discussion about this book, the author tried to search for her true love, we do find this inconsistency in her behaviour as a lover as well. Initially she got attracted to a successful, NRI doctor cum entrepreneur Soorya and got married to him. But after a few years of her marital life, she understood that he was not her true love and drifted away from the relationship. She projected Soorya as a bad lover in-spite of being a good provider and protector. The more he tried to play the role of being a provider and a protector; more he failed. The author here complained of less or no physical or mental intimacy between them. Her husband being always too busy in his work to provide them better amenities failed miserably as a lover.

We see when a suave and sophisticated Soorya could not hold his charm to his life partner for long, a less sophisticated and less cultured Gaur could win her heart. Soorya was chivalrous but Gaur was not. Soorya never failed to open the door for his woman and Gaur didn’t care about such niceties, in social status and thus in terms of his protector and provider quotient Soorya was much ahead than Gaur, and moreover Soorya was married to Moh (the author) and Gaur was married to someone else. Still we find it was Gaur for whom Moh fell in love with.

The story unveils through different acts and daily routines how Gaur reacted and didn’t care much about niceties but simply became authoritarian in their relation. The way Gaur’s character was illustrated by the author one would feel how could be one so persistent in a relation. Some might feel that it was an extramarital relation for both and probably that was the reason both were charmed by each other. But, here we find that even Gaur didn’t care about sex in their first few meetings, rather it was Moh who wanted sex badly to consummate their relation and Gaur rejected. His philosophical answer that he wanted Moh as his life partner and hence did not care about sex hurt Moh and had taken her further from the relation.

But while a platonic relation built up between Moh and Gaur, both of them went further from their own families they didn’t think of uniting together. Moh could not divorce her husband who was a nice provider and protector for her and her daughter Hreem. On the other hand Soorya could not divorce his wife as he was scared of social backlash but they went on loving each other. In the meantime Soorya had become more possessive about Moh. So much possessive that he started questioning her sleeping with Soorya in the same room and we get surprised to see Moh giving explanation to him that Soorya did not touch her.

Soorya who was going all out to support an empowered wife who he thought as his life partner, Moh who was a fashion designer by her credit and who belonged to a good family and could easily provide for herself went on cheating on him without his fault. The moment someone’s wife gives such explanations to men outside their marriage, that moment the marriage should be considered as null and void. Poor Soorya did not get a hint of this as he had given all freedom to his wife.

This is where I started hating Moh for ruining the life of a nice gentleman. If she really didn’t love Soorya, she should have had gone out of the marriage instantly. She was concerned about Hreem and her inability to provide for her the way Soorya was doing. But when she as a mother was not ready to give birth to Hreem as she didn’t want to have a child with Soorya, then why she didn’t leave both of them when she didn’t feel the warmth in a relationship. This in a way confirmed my belief that no matter how much empowered women are, they still love free lunch at the expense of men. We need to remember that Moh was not typical average Indian woman who would cling to a relationship simply because she is getting everything provided for her. She needed love and admired physical bonding more than expensive gifts as per her own confession.

We also get surprised that an empowered woman like Moh liked high possessiveness of a comparatively unsophisticated person like Gaur. Gaur started dictating terms for her in terms of people she should talk to or mingle with. Gaur’s calling him as Jaan (Hindi for life) from a very early stage in their relation surprises us as they met in a relation of a vendor / client and not even as friends. Also on many occasions Gaur had shown his weak nature of following his parents and family members’ dictates and showing that he was a weak and submissive person to his family.

In the meantime Moh meets another super-handsome influential businessman Ayush Kapoor and we find Moh considering him as life partner instantly. When she fell for Ayush she had all negative thoughts about Gaur with him she was having a fling. Immediately she started thinking of how Gaur never highly tipped waiters in big hotels, how he had always ordered typical Punjabi dishes in Chinese restaurants, how he had never shown good dressing sense, how he was concerned about soaring prices and small wastages in life, how he could never innovate in terms of wooing his woman and telling different things than just I Love You, how he never bothered about her feelings for him. Here we find the complexities of relationship dynamics in a woman. Her perceived life partner can be a piece of shit in one instant the moment she meets another more influential or suave man, and if this is the generic nature of women then I am not surprised why men think of women as opportunists. She even confessed in her book of being attracted to Sid (Gaur’s dictator brother) once.

As a reader, I was confused as to what she really wanted in her life partner. I felt she herself did not know what she was looking for and that happens when a woman is highly pampered from childhood. This happens when she gets everything from her childhood and eventually becomes highly confused individual.

The author describes true love as finding out our other half in this world, as she says every individual is half complete and his / her other half is somewhere else. They needed to find the other half they belong to and that person is their true love. She explained this with the concept of Ardhanarishwar from our Puran.

In describing sexual act and taking help of Upanishad the author reiterated the description of sex as the most sacred act and must come after the stage of love has been crossed. Sex becomes the most sacred act when two true lovers are involved. It brings liberation for both the man and the woman into each other. Taking cues from Brihadaranakya Upanishad she wrote –

Shiv Parvati - Khajuraho SculptureThe woman is the fire

Her womb the fuel

The invitation to man the smoke

The door is the flame.

Entering the embrace

Pleasure the spark

In this fire the gods form offering

From the offering, spring forth the child.

She had explained sex as offering by the male worshipper to his deity, his partner and Lingam being the offering. Every passionate whisper murmured when the lingam enters the cave or yoni becomes a prayer and offering to the deity.

Well I could not verify this from Upanishad but Kamasutra did explain sex as the most holy act. But the above definition of sex made me wonder, if sex is the offering by a man to a woman then why rape a crime for men, at all. Simply because the offering is unwanted how could it be considered a crime? Then how do we know that all our offerings to different gods are welcome by them and unless a god asks us for any offering we should not offer anything to them.

While I welcome answers from all of you regarding the question of rape being a crime, this series will continue as I continue to review the book and try to explore human sexuality.

Also give us your opinion, if you think you have found your true love yet

***

The thrill in bitcoins – God is a Gamer

God is a gamer

I have never been addicted to any kind of online games or video games. But the kind of games we see around us today, I wish I could be six again so that I could play some of those games. Even though gaming companies are coming up with high end games, social games and games like Farmville etc. I still feel like starting afresh.

The concept of bitcoins is introduced only recently and so far I use to think that it was some Japanese innovation. But this book made it clear to me about the history of bitcoins but that is only a small part of the whole story.

The best part of being an active blogger is we get all such books to read and share our thoughts for free of cost. For example this book was sent to me by Blogadda and I will be ever thankful to them for that. Because even if we read thrillers not every book makes a lasting impression in our minds. This is one such rare books that I will read, re-read and also refer others to read because other than the new subject of bitcoins this book is an ocean of knowledge in modern international hi-tech crimes. Crimes related to technology, banking, entertainment and society.

The story is about a newly launched gaming company that wants to be successful in online gaming and modelled like the popular Facebook game Farmville is designed. But Farmville existing in the social platforms it was difficult for them to make a mark. While the company founder Aditya was forming this company he reunited with his Standford educated son Varun. As the new company was struggling to find the right strategy for being successful young Varun takes charge and turn the company over.

At the same time an ATM heist takes place in New York. Criminals swindled $5 million from different ATMs across the city using five cloned debit cards of HNI personnel. While doing the investigation FBI comes across the involvement of Islamic militant groups and some of the links connected to a major Indian bank.

Investigating officers also unearthed how the money was transformed immediately into bitcoins and went to an undisclosed account. This crime trail led to a highly secured but anonymous network of CottonTrail that allowed its users to be anonymous while trading anything including drugs. This cotton trail used bitcoins the international currency of online trading. It seemed that one person with the nickname Altoids is behind this. It was eventually clear to the investigators that Altoids would have used single router connection to connect to internet always or would have used a VPN for connection.

The new Indian gaming company eventually could find out the rights strategy and launch with great success. Within no time they clinched all crowns in the gaming glory and users started downloading their game in devices that could connect to internet. The new leader Varun has showed the way to the company and replaced Farmville.

In the meantime authorities in Dell started getting complaints that some of their laptop batteries are catching fire for seemingly no reason. The overcharging comes out as the cause and Dell replaces them with no cost but could not find any issue with their manufacturing. But this caught FBI attention when some other devices like tablets and some smartphone users, too has raised the same complaint.

In the meantime the CEO of the reputed Indian bank commits suicide. Her affair with Indian Finance Minister was in the news for sometime, so when she commits suicide everyone suspects the minister for the same. Eventually the FBI team finds link between all different crimes and they come to India in connection.

In India FBI takes help of CBI to crack the case and resolves the case in highly dramatic way. The seemingly unrelated incidents and crimes were connected and the mastermind was nailed down. Due to some political reasons the mastermind was booked only for one crime whereas she was guilty of many other more serious offences.

As a reader I was thrilled reading this book till this climax. I felt the author had crafted his thriller very well upto this point but there came a twist in the story, when after sending the suspect to jail, FBI sleuths find another fresh hint of starting a new Cotton Trail. This time it is version 2.0.

This twist towards the end opened up new questions to the readers. The solution reached by the sleuths was actually not the solution, there was another game behind the story that FBI was made to understand. The mastermind was happily enjoying the life in a different part of the world.

What happens next, how do the sleuths catch the mastermind or they go wrong again? You need to find out by reading this book.

God is a Gamer by Ravi SubramaniyamEven though this book will thrill any person who loves such thrillers I was little bit disappointed by the end. I felt the author just wanted to transfer the blame of such high end global crime to a man. It was done in haste and the last few chapters did not go well with rest of the book. When we see that somehow a man is blamed that might be to go with the popular notion that the biggest crimes are committed by the men. Even though there is another way of looking at it. The crimes described in the book, are all high end sophisticated crimes that needed a lot of technical and banking knowledge. Those also needed knowledge of International politics. Anyone who committed those with impunity and fooled FBI sleuths could be no less than a genius. But this is how gender stereotype is created and that might be even dangerous for us.

Other than the last part I have enjoyed reading the book. It was wealth of information for me. Only a IIM grad who has served global banks in their highest ranks could write such a novelty. Probably towards the end he just wanted to go along with the social stereotype for being acceptable to a larger audience. Even though the quality of his book was so high almost throughout, it was not needed at all. Sometimes too many twists lead to chaos.

I have really enjoyed reading the book. Someone has rightly said, books and friends should be a few and well chosen. Thanks Blogadda for choosing this book for me. It will be a treasure for me.

This book was sent to me by Blogadda and the author for an honest review.

My Rating – 4.5 in 5

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Manan – The story of an adolescent boy

MananManan is the story of a boy who has attained puberty.

When we attain puberty we experience a lot of changes within us. A boy becomes a man. His voice changes, height increases, muscles show up and so are so many other traits.

All of us experienced puberty and these changes. Some of us grew older or became adult faster whereas some remained boy for a longer time – their voice remained childish, their growth remained restricted, their muscles didn’t grow and they suffered from an uninhibited desire to grow big. Even though it is all about our hormones and these are not in our control but all of us look for these small yet significant changes to take place within our bodies.

Even though one does not show these prominent changes in one’s physiological features, one’s psychology changes but when the world around him denies to recognize his adulthood, that becomes a reason for him to suffer from low self esteem. Especially when his friends become adults with all proper changes taking place within their body in time, he suffers from even lower self esteem.

But no matter whether a boy remains boyish physically, mentally he grows up and changes to a man. His inquisitiveness about opposite sex, intercourse or sexual organs grow and those little physical and mental changes that take place within him make him restless and desperate to know more about these aspects of life.

There are many shades in an adolescent’s life. The physical, sexual and psychological changes that happen in one’s life need proper education and preparedness for him. In India we have awareness programs for adolescent girls, but boys remain ignored. There is no formal educational program to educate boys about these changes and most of the times they need to depend on half knowledge of their friends or the internet and adult websites. The implications of this behavior may be dangerous at times.

In this book the author Mohit Parikh has carefully crafted Manans story to show the changes that happen within an adolescent boy. Even as a man who has undergone all these changes in life, we fail to recognize them.

As stated earlier boys in India do not have a proper place to get guidance on such matters and hence this book becomes invaluable for a boy to understand these.. This book also shows the need for the boys’parents to understand the criticality of changes during puberty in boys. This book brings in a new era in the well being of boys in India and shows yet another issue that Indian MRM needs to take up – the emotional well being of our adolescent boys. This is important because this is the age that can make or break a boy’s life.

We salute the author for taking care of this issue with proper care and sensitivity.

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Book Review – Just Married: Have you applied for bail?

Just Married: Have You Applied for Bail?

Today as I write my 200th article on this blog this becomes significant for several reasons –

  1. This book which deals with a very important topic in my life and written on very important day in my life – my birthday.
  2. This article is written on the opening day of national men’s rights conference. Today Indian Men’s Rights exists because of one reason – IPC 498a (or misuse of the same). If feminists have not made this mistake in 1984 today Indian men’s rights would have been nonexistent.
  3. The issue of misuse of Indian dowry act becomes more important even after recent SC judgment barring random arrest under IPC 498a is because MRAs need to understand that IPC 498a is not the only reason men’s rights exists in India today.
  4. This book shows a way of independence for men in the country. It is freedom from gender bias and legal terrorism and thus talking about this book just before the Independence Day mry relevant to the time.

The book under discussion today deals with a problem that has claimed many lives since 1984 and will continue to do the same in near future and hence it becomes important for men in the country to learn about this menace at the earliest. Author Suresh P has done a commendable job in this regard.

The author is from an IT company in Bangalore who has suffered the atrocities of misuse of the law and expressed his invaluable insights in this book. First published in 2013, this book is a must read for all Indian men whether married or unmarried.

The story deals with the marriage between a USA returned Software Engineer Rohit with Poornima. Even though Rohit was from a well established family in Bangalore they have chosen Poornima who was not so well off. Rohit’s family had to bear all costs of the marriage because of this but they were happy doing that.

Poornima’s family  was not well off but they always wanted to show off their power. Her uncle Gautham always boasted his connection with local MLA and wanted to stand in election. Her other family members were arrogant too. Due to these reasons Rohit wanted to cancel the marriage after engagement but could not do so. He thought Poornima and her family will change after marriage but their illogical demands only grew big. Rohit and his family members could never satisfy them with anything.

As a result Rohit and his parents got false case under IPC 498a and were sent to jail. To know what happens after that, whether they were able to come out of the cases, whether they could punish the false complainant or they had to settle the matter with money is something you will know by reading the book.

The author has successfully created the characters in his book. Especially the nuances of the characters of a greedy bride’s family were shown very well. These descriptions can help any innocent man find out a potential greedy and cruel bride with ease. Characterization of Rohit as a hard working and well educated Software Engineer is also depicted well.

But characterization is not the only strong point in the book. The author being experienced in handling such cases has shown enormous knowledge in legal aspects, too. He has taken good care of emotional aspects of false accused ‘peace loving, law abiding’ citizens of India.

The author scores very high in depicting the life in prison for an ordinary Indian citizen and told the unknown story from behind the prison walls. The struggle of a middle aged man with elderly parents is depicted so well in the book that any ordinary reader who is not aware of the cruelty happening to thousands of educated men and their families in India will cry in pain.

Apart from sensitively painting the mental agony of falsely accused, the author also brought out the legal aspect by giving sample complaint copies, letters to the police etc. He has shown how police and society manipulates the families of men and how some men like Prabhakar fight against the bias.

Towards the end the author has also given insights into help available to men suffering like Rohit.

In short, the author not only depicted the mental cruelty meted out to men in their married life but he has also shown a ray of hope through his novel. This is packed with information and helpful content for men and it is thus important for every man to get a copy of this book to know these.

We wish Suresh P all the best for such good work and wish that we will see more such great works from him in future. This novel shows a way to get true freedom for Indian men and thus becomes significant read for them this Independence Day

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Just Married: Have You Applied for Bail?Just Married: Have You Applied for Bail? by Suresh P

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

My review to this book

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Book Review – The Deliberate Sinner by Bhaavna Arora

The Deliberate SinnerWhat does a woman do when she is sexually not satisfied in her marital life? Does she commit adultery or seek peaceful divorce? Bhaavna Arora raised this question in her book – The Deliberate Sinner.

RIhanna is a new age modern empowered girl from a very well to do family of Jaipur. She is fashion enthusiast and a pampered child of her parents who never hindered her in living her life. She is a sexy lady in her twenties with a perfect body so that even her relatives used to refer to her as ‘Totta’.  Her family was with very modern outlook and they hardly prohibited her from taking her own decisions. Hence, when she decided to go to Bangkok alone on a trip, they allowed her without any inhibitions.

Rihanna met Veer in her flight to Bangkok and after reaching there she discovered that her Veer has come there with his friends Raj and Ravi Poonia. Veer was also from a rich successful business family from Delhi. Incidentally Raj turns out to be known to Rihanna as well. But they did not spend their holidays together as the guys had other plans in Bangkok and did not want RIhanna to be a part of that plan.

After returning to Jaipur Veer and Raj kept constant touch with Rihanna and Veer came close to her in their swimming club. All three of them used to regularly visit the club while Veer slowly came close to her. One day Veer took a challenge to complete 100 laps of the pool to take Rihanna out for a coffee. Both Rihannna and Raj thought it was impossible for him to win the bet but he wins and after coming out of the pool he proposes to Rihanna in a dramatic style. Rihanna didn’t reply immediately but that brought them closer. So close that eventually they fell in love with each other and their families decided to get them married.

Veer had to go back to Delhi for his business purpose after engagement and he turned out to be a different person as gradually their phone chat sessions decreased. Veer got busy in his work and Rihanna started feeling left out by him. This is the time when she started interacting with Raj more. One day her puppy was very sick. He was a darling to Rihanna and so she was very afraid of his health and tried calling Veer for suggestion, but when he didn’t respond immediately she had called Raj for help. Raj immediately took note of the situation and took him to a vet hospital. This brings them even closer emotionally.

Raj is a jovial and understanding friend who was there for Rihanna all the time. He used to make her laugh and feel homely and so when Veer was not responding to her calls Rihanna got solace in Raj and eventually they got so much attracted that one day they made love with each other. When Rihanna’s parents come to know about that her father warns Raj to stay away from Rihanna’s life.

However, she enjoyed her sex with Raj thoroughly and wanted to be with Raj for good. Raj retracts saying he was not ready for marriage. Rihanna realizes that once a woman submits to man her attraction goes away and the man doesn’t want her any more.

She marries Veer with a heavy heart and makes a promise to herself that she will make her marriage work. Her parents gave her all necessary household items, a flat in Delhi and a car. There was no demand from Veer’s side but her parents had to give these to her as presents. They reached Delhi and as they were travelling by their car through Gurgaon a bunch of goons stopped their car, surrounded them and forcefully took them away to their hideout. Eventually they strike a deal with those goons and parts with all their valuables worth a fortune for their life. Veer tried to fight with them but was hit hard unconscious. But after release they drove home safely.

Rihanna wanted to go to police but Veer stopped her as the goons could take lives anytime. So she refrained. In the evening there was a small party from Veer’s colleagues and when they arrived there was a Punjabi style reception and a gala event – a movie show. The movie showed the drama of abducting a newly wed couple, their pleading for life and eventually getting away unharmed by parting their valuables. Rihanna realized the abduction drama was filmed by Veer’s colleagues to make their wedding memorable to Rihanna.

The marriage happened with such high drama and memorable events that the couple looked forward to the first night together. However, on the first night Veer makes a big mess up and tried to enter into her in a hurry when she was still dry inside. That left her in excruciating pain and left bleeding. She experienced marital Rape.

But after that painful first night her mother chided Veer and asked him to go slow and their doctor asked them to refrain from sex for sometime. Veer refrained but even after months he did not show any interest in Rihanna inspite of her hints. So gradually the couple started having domestic fights and it has only grown ugly over time. When she discussed these matters with others her relatives asked her to take it easy and give their relationship some time and also advised her to take up a job to overcome boredom. Gradually the couple started distancing themselves from each other.

Veer’s colleagues started taking note of their distance in their office parties as Veer used to get tipsy and hit on other women while being possessive about her wife and protest against anyone hitting on his wife. But their relationship blues were out in the open by then.

So when Veer was out to Kolkata for some office work his colleagues started visiting his home on some pretext but Rihanna never allowed them any far. One day she got the mobile bills of both of them and came to know that Veer’s bill was a hopping Sixteen thousand rupees. Once Veer returned she asked him without any satisfactory answer but one fine day she discovered a girl named Rashmi calling him. She started doubting his fidelity and started argument that led Veer to slap her on her face. She experienced – Domestic Violence. She took pictures of her bruises and sent to her parents and in-laws separately and called them in to Delhi.

Once Veer returned to his home that night he was surprised to see both parents in his house. Under pressure from Rihanna he had to call Rashmi to his house and it was revealed that she didn’t know about Veer’s marital status. As they parted ways Rihanna also planned to part her way with Veer and went back to Mumbai. She wanted divorce from Veer but Veer wanted her to stay back for the sake of their relation and promised to change himself.

But Rihanna decided to move on, and went to Mumbai and started a career in fashion designing. Veer’s friends started calling her to get back to veer but she wouldn’t budge. Raj  started contacting her again and asked her out for a coffee. Raj wanted to come back to her life and marry her but she refused as one of Raj’s comment regarding her being in relation with him after engagement but accusing Veer of extra marital relation pissed her off. She closed that chapter of her life as well.

In her life as a fashion designer she came in contact with Avinash and they became good friends. Meanwhile Veer too wanted to come close to her and visited her house in Mumbai taking the address from her mom. He wanted to inquire with her maids if she was having any affair with anyone else. He tried to have sex with her as well but that left her more bruised.

Veer wanted to make the relationship work so he planned a trip of common friends to Coorg, a popular hill station in Karnataka. Rihanna insisted that Avinash joins in and they went to a farm house in Coorg for a vacation with some friends. In this trip Rihanna came very close to Avinash and Veer could get hint of that. He catches them red handed while having sex in the outhouse.

Veer was shocked to see this. What happens after that? Read the book to know more.

In this story the author has explained various relationship issues like – Dowry, Pre-marital sex, Domestic Violence, Marital Rape, Adultery and Divorce in a feminist way. However, there is a slight difference. Rihanna’s character is designed as an empowered and self-respecting woman and she doesn’t consider herself as a victim but a survivor. Many new age women globally, including those who survived rape consider themselves as rape survivors rather than rape victims. This has come out well in this story as well. The author also successfully narrated the successful sexual experiences in detail and created an elaborate picture of woman’s sexual fantasies in the story.

However, her creations of male characters have been negative. Veer is created as a completely negative brutal character who does not understand his woman’s feeling at all. On one hand when he wins Rihanna’s heart in a quiet dramatic way his sudden switch in behaviour after engagement does not go well with his characterization and leaves flaws behind. Also the image of guy who flirts with less attractive women over social networking and spends thousands to call them but hardly answers to his most attractive fiancé’ is highly unreasonable and flawed.

While Raj was initially characterized as an empathetic person, his desire of being a Kutta (dog) to her so that he can do certain things in public without being sued was intended for humour but also leaves a self-degrading image to the readers. While women may find that statement cute that sets wrong expectation in their mind that men need to be a kutta (dog) in order to win their hearts. Even though he could win one night sex with Rihanna for his doggy confession but in the end when he wanted to come to her life permanently he was rejected.

The author has carefully shown a woman’s sexual fantasies and there are some lessons to be learnt from that as well.

Keeping the Human Rights issues separate, if we purely concentrate on the sexual needs based on gender we will know that male and female sexualities work differently and hence it is very essential for any couple to know about each other’s sexual fantasies and turn-on and turn offs. While the author correctly mentions that daily family quarrels and fights over petty issues is a great put-off for men to have great sex, similarly men need to understand that a woman’s sexual drive works slowly and steadily unlike that of a man’s which is more abrupt and rapid. Hence a proper education in terms of the sexual behaviour of the other gender is extremely important for both sexes.

The marital rape as shown in the story is a form of rape that is currently punishable under section 498a and DV Act in India. If we look into this issue, this is more of knowledge issue rather than a criminal issue. Had Veer been knowledgeable enough to know woman’s sexual behaviour (as he was having first time sex) he would have gone slow with her. We may have many such Veers in India as we donot have any mechanism to educate our youth about these and hence Men’s Rights have always opposed criminalizing marital rape. Also this is one among many reasons why they have always protested against HangTheRapist campaign because then this form of rapists also will be hanged simply because of their lack of knowledge. In a society where we have not taken any initiative to educate our youth about the “Sexual behaviour of the other gender” we can’t have such extreme punishment. Please note it is diff from the sex education as we have today. This needs to be taught to the adults and not to school kids. However, the campaigners do not understand this when they demand Hanging all the rapists if the allegation is proved true.

This story also deals with domestic violence in a high class family in one way. It never considered RIhanna being too nagging with Veer about everything and then about his relation with Rashmi and gradually driving him to slap her. While verbal abuse by Rihanna is also a form of domestic violence is completely overlooked by the author. She could have waited and suggested a wiser approach of going to a counsellor to resolve the issues between them. If Veer committed a crime for his ignorance RIhanna to was also partly responsible for a crime. There is one more lesson for men here. Men too need to be more open to discussion regarding their sexual performance without taking the feedback to their heart and hurting their ego in such discussion. Men need to be more open to the subtle cues given by their partners to resolve these issues in amicable ways.

Rihanna made one more mistake before her marriage. Getting married to Veer under social pressure. It is highly unlikely from an independent character like her especially when she has realized that they had differences even before her marriage.

This story also deals with Adultery from a woman’s perspective. While it tries to justify Rihanna’s adultery under the fact that it was in retaliation to Veer’s behaviour but RIhanna has not caught Veer red handed in sexual position whereas she was caught in that position. That is a crime per Indian law and Avinash is directly to blame and to be imprisoned for seven years for interfering into Veer’s personal space. Since Veer’s behaviour was only restricted to calling other girls or may be flirting with them, RIhanna has directly breached the faith instilled in her. She could file for divorce on the ground of cruelty by Veer before seeking sexual favours from outside her marriage. By doing so she has also committed bigamy (Veer’s bigamy is not proved) and has committed a punishable offence.

Overall this story has portrayed the relationship blues in a feminist way. Projects men negatively. Thankfully the author didn’t portray RIhanna as a victim but projected her as a survivor and crusader. It is a good read to understand sexual nuances of a woman however fails to take care of the relationship issues in an objective way.

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