Here are the safeguards implemented by GOI to keep fraudsters away from matrimonial websites

Matrimonial websites

Fraudsters can no longer trick alliance seekers on matrimonial websites as new advisory implemented by GOI from June 2016 proposes stricter measures for the matrimonial websites and matrimonial mobile apps.

Here is the advisory in brief that takes a step closure to ensure safety of marriage prospects –

  1. A user agreements in accordance with The Information Technology (Intermediaries Guidelines) Rules 2011. This will clearly seek agreement of the user like –
    • Confirmation that the user wants matrimonial relation and wants to take it further
    • Confirmation that user information provided on the site is correct to the best of his / her knowledge
  2. A Privacy Policy with clear statements of protection of personal information
  3. Matrimonial websites to verify each users profile information by registering his / her mobile number
  4. Matrimonial websites should strongly solicit submission of one’s identification documents with the site.
  5. Matrimonial websites should clearly state that the website is only for matrimonial purpose and not for dating services.
  6. Matrimonial websites should get national / international data security standard certifications (e.g. IS/ISO/IEC 27000).
  7. Matrimonial websites to prominently display and send regular communication about  –
    • Terms and Conditions agreed by the user
    • Specify that unless specifically stated on the website, no information of any user’s profile is verified and should be checked thoroughly by the alliance seeker
    • Caution users about possible fraudsters on the site who ask for money, favours or about such fraudsters as reported to the website
    • Encourage registered users to report any fraudster to the matrimonial website and to the law enforcing agencies
    • Other Safety Tips as appropriate
  8. Matrimonial websites shall publish the name of Grievance Officer and contact details along with complaint redressal mechanism
  9. All matrimonial websites to develop FAQ to help users
  10. Matrimonial websites should store the IP addresses of profile creation and access logs with date and time stamping. This information needs to be stored until one year of account deactivation.

We hope that now fraudsters will stay away from matrimonial websites.

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These men call for marriage boycott – here’s why

As Hindus worldwide celebrate Durga Puja or Dussera, a festival to celebrate the win of good over evil, some men think the age old connotation of Durga maa has changed. Durga maa as worshipped by Hindus is a lady with 10 hands and armed with deadly weapon in each is represented differently in modern day lives. This picture going viral nowadays shows a modern woman in the form of all deadly weapons in the form of laws –

legal-terrorism

The banner shows a woman armed with all deadly laws that are enough to kill a man. These men raises a question that if Hindu women were traditionally worshipped in the form of Durga or Kali (two main goddesses of Shakti or power) then why is the notion that Indian women are not empowered. These men say modern empowered women are free to break their families any time as they are heavily compensated for that. This is why marriage is a loser’s choice.

In this survey divorced men were asked if they wanted to marry a second time and 45% respondent said ‘no’ to second marriage compared to 32% who wanted to get married again –

second-marriage-survey

Also in reply to another question in the survey, more than 50% of respondents said that bachelor life is best –

which-life-better

While commenting why men should not marry, Chetan said –

———————————————————

“Once upon a time, a man got involved with 3 girls at the same time and all 3 became good friends. All were sexy and hot. Owing to his old-fashioned rich Mom, He had to chose one to marry so as to get inheritance. So he conducted a test. He gave 5000 Rs to each of his girlfriend telling them they could decide on how to spend the money and but they’d have report back to him at the end of week. First girl, promptly purchased a dress she had always wanted and came back to him and told him “Jaanu, I bought this dress to look the most beautiful only for uuuuuu”. Second one, booked up a trip to weekend getaway at an exotic hill-station and told him “Chiku, I want to spend time with my shonaaa”. Third one, a CA, bought Nifty Options Intraday and and doubled money 3 times in a week. She came back and returned him 10000 and kept 5000 for herself.
Man was shocked… Could not figure out what to do.
………………………………..
………………………………
After long pondering over this, he decided to marry
the girl that had largest (.) (.)

————————————————————

While some ad makers may get some important ideas to show that “men will be men” while choosing their life partner, women’s physical beauty is still the single most criteria for many men in India. What Chetan wanted to say was men’s criteria is still very basic one and they do not judge women by other qualities and get into trap.

CSK Sanu from Mumbai said while supporting marriage boycott– “Marriage had become an extortion tool due to Blind laws. If men get a fraud partner then life gets spoiled.”

MK Anand who works in UK as an IT professional, said – “Marriage is not the only thing in life.” He suggested that Indian men should rather discover themselves.

Jagadish from Bhopal, reiterated Anand’s points. He advised men to rather discover themselves and said – “life without women is heaven, experience it”.

In another survey on Intimate Partner Violence on Men, it was found that an overwhelming 48% men had suffered Physical Violence from their wives. More than 50% men had complained about sexual violence and also of verbal abuse. This is quite a contrary to the popular belief that only women are subjected to sexual violence.This findings also confirms why men are going against the concept of marriage.

Hussein Ali of Mumbai said – “an empowered woman has robbed me of some precious years from my life that no one can return.” For him, men need to pay a huge price for marriage and hence it is not worth.

Vijay from Kanpur said that educated Indian women know flaws in Indian laws well and they cause more damage. Men face more domestic violence than women in India.

Some people not only wanted to avoid marriage but they were ready to adopt a baby and live happily.

Sordid tales of torture and abuse comes aplenty from these men. Sonu said, that his love marriage became bitter despite his best actions to bring her back. Rather he was threatened many times of false criminal cases.

Abhishek Kaushik felt that laws needed to be equal for individuals and Indian family laws put ever man in danger. In his opinion that is a good reason for men to boycott marriage.

Chendu Reddy from Hyderabad narrated his story of getting extorted by his wife and her family and said, we need to fight against these laws so that these disgraceful women are punished. He believed law misuse is the major reason for men’s suicide.

Janak Merchant said – “There are all kinds of violence taking place on Indian men all over India. Worst is emotional and then comes financial. In the end it all boils down to wife wanting lots of hard earned money of her husband.”

Also read –  Top 12 reasons why Indian men don’t want to marry

Some of them say women have no responsibility in family, so why marry? Marriage is a complete loss for men as they need to take all responsibility. Their complaint is married men have no choice even in their homes. They need to abide by whatever their wives say and their silent sacrifice is not even noticed by anyone. Pampering the wife is another need that one has to constantly follow. Else hell breaks lose. Many men are sick of this provider role but can’t break traditions. A recent hype around marital rape created by the movie Pink leaves men red faced. With ‘No means No’ becoming popular, these men believe men do not get sex when they need and now they run the risk of being termed a rapist. In addition, sexual crimes and adultery by women is on rise.

Bhaveen Sheth, who is a HR professional is so much moved by marriage boycott that he had dedicated an entire blog to single men.

Arvind believed that marriage considers a man as a mere ATM machine. In fact there are many who reflects his thought.

man-atm

2016 Mumbai marathon saw a man dressed as ATM machine

While the reason for marriage boycott may be many for different men and boys and even if their number is increasing, they are still very insignificant compared to the critical mass needed to change the society.

In a July, 2016 study we found that Indian men outnumber women while seeking alliance. This cuts across all marital status. This study found out the numbers of profiles that existed on different popular Indian matrimonial sites.

bengali-matrimony-profile-analysis

jeevansathi-matrimonial-profile-analysis

shaadi-matrimonial-profile

Even though many argued that most of male profiles may be fake but there is no guarantee that women profiles are not.

To understand the eagerness of the two genders in getting married, we have created two different profiles of two different genders without photos. To make them similar we have made the male profile more educated and earning little more than the female profile, and everything else was same. We noticed that the male profile received two interests in one day while the female profile had received 14 interests in one day.

Even though a comparison between the census 2001 and 2011 data showed that percentage of married women grew in India but that does not prove that Indian men are any less desperate to get married. Question is, when there are so many biased laws against men, when a man’s 50% hard earned property can be at stake simply for marriage, why are Indian men still so much interested in marriage? Looks like the men raising a demand for marriage boycott still have a long way to go in terms of sensitizing Indian men about this.

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Do you know?

October is the month of creating awareness about domestic violence against men and boys

Also Read

  1. MGTOW:A worldwide boycott of marriage

My wife engages in sex with stranger in front of our seven year old

Message from a reader

Hello brother,
I live in __________.

I m 32 and my wife is not living with me since October2014. She stays at her home in ________ with our 7 years old son. I’ve requested many times but she doesn’t want to come back to me.

During these past time i have witnessed her many times with different unknown men with her and when asked she always defend and protected their (those men’s) identities from me and totally became aggressive to me. My son has told me about a man who often comes to their home mostly during night and he start making love with his mom on bed in front of him. That’s in brief. So what i do now sir? I m suffering. My son is also suffering from mental anxiety and depression so far as i have talked with my son..I am helpless. I am very worried about our son…

My Wife cheating me

Advice

Nowadays adultery related issues have increased manifolds in Indian marriages. This is more for housewives as they can’t be punished for this behavior. We have not made anything as their responsibility. So it is their wish to take care home and children not compulsion. There is absolutely no compulsion for today’s women to be a good person, forget about being a good wife or a good mother. Those who become one is their wish.

These women are now pampered from their childhood and they don’t know what is their responsibility? Feminism has taught them not to bear children and specifically ignore male children. While your case is an example of a horrible mother and wife, this is not rare. Husbands and children do not have any recourse from such crimes committed by the women in the house. Nowadays, many demand making prostitution as legal and once that happens husbands will not have any legal remedy at all because the weakest ground for divorce 9adultery) will vanish once prostitution becomes legal.

Psychologists have found out negative impact on a child’s mind if one is exposed to sex at an early age. This article on The Psychology Today explains that well. A male child’s first love is his mother and first hero is his father. Once he sees his father (you in this case) being incapable of saving him, or his mother he himself feels weak from within. He cries because he thinks his mother is attacked by the stranger and he is not able to do anything. His male existence gets a jolt.

Children often try to imitate actions of their parents. In your case even though the child is not directly involved in the act, his exposure to sex by his mother at such an early age will make him more violent and will lead him to go astray in future.The psychological damage thus could be irreparable.

To come out of this traumatic relationship and to save your child, there is a very thin possibility. It depends on how strong your wife is and how robust is her backup relations.Because law didn’t give you almost any possibility to come out of this relation with grace and with your child. To test her strengths and your possibilities of coming out of this relation and to save your child, I need to speak with you.

So please do contact me or our helpline number 08882 498 498 at the earliest to understand the next steps.

Wife sex, wife sex with stranger

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10 best practices of Paternity Fraud cases

Do you suspect your wife of adultery? Do you think she has committed a crime like paternity fraud? Here are 10 best Do’s to help you –

  1. Keep your eyes and ears open

Paternity Fraud, keep eyes open

If you think your wife is cheating on you, there are signs for you to know that. So you need to first check her behavior and understand if she is really cheating on you or living in adultery. There are some women who live with their husbands while maintaining their adulterous relations. Check for these signs to understand if your suspicion is correct.

2. Ask right questions

Paternity Fraud, Ask right questions

When you become sure that your wife is living in adultery you need to ask right questions to yourself and to your wife. To yourself, because you need to make up your mind firmly and understand what you want. To her, because you need to understand what she wants, too. But never accuse her of adultery ever. Rather ask some roundabout questions to understand her attitude. Hints are given in this article.

3. Be adaptable

Paternity Fraud, Change

Be open to change based on above findings. If you loved your wife and kid too much, learn how to change that attitude. They may be living with you while you discover that the kid is not yours. Most men get into severe depression and try to commit suicide or crime. You need to first be ready to adapt to new situation and be open to change because main work is still pending.

4. Collect right evidences

Giving gift

SMS, message, chat or emails – no matter how explicit they are, can’t be good evidence for adultery. They may be supportive evidences but Adultery cases are quasi criminal in nature. That is, the case needs to be proven beyond reasonable doubt like criminal cases but punishment is low. In case of paternity fraud only DNA test is a good evidence but the DNA test needs to be done from a govt. approved lab on judgement of a competent court. DNA tests done from private labs may act as prima facie evidence but will not be considered as a conclusive evidence of adultery.

5. Read related judgements

Paternity Fraud Judgements,

Internet has given us a lot of benefits. Search the net for adultery related judgements from Supreme Court and different high courts. There are many websites that give assorted judgements. Read and understand how these cases are tried in courts. Your actions will depend on this knowledge.

6. Believe your wife is at fault

Paternity Fraud, Wife Cheating

Very often our love for the wife or the child makes us so blind that we men start believing ourselves to be at fault. Even we think her paramour is at fault. But the first cheater is your adulterous wife who is living a double life. She is not only cheating you but also cheating the child. Understand, even that child needs justice and only you can give him/her justice by fighting it out.

7. Be Calm

Paternity Fraud and Patience

One quality in all matrimonial disputes is to keep patience. More so is in adultery cases because these are hard to prove with hardly any result. So first thing is to keep your frustration or desperation away. Be calm and control your emotions, else there is a risk of committing crime too.

8. Hire a good criminal lawyer

Paternity Fraud, Criminal Lawyer

More often husbands make mistake of hiring a civil lawyer in adultery or paternity fraud cases and end up losing out the battle in their first move. Civil lawyers suggest filing for a divorce (better to commit suicide) on adultery ground and create an attack strategy based on the divorce case. On the contrary good criminal lawyers suggest only 497 or other criminal cases without filing for divorce that ensures a long term strategic win for husbands. Also drafting in criminal cases are different from that of civil cases. A criminal lawyer drafts in few words and keep it short and crisp to win at the argument stage. This is a great tactical move that can ensure win for husbands. A divorce on adultery – Adultery (IPC 497) case combination is a death trap for husbands.

9. Take precautions before starting your fight

Paternity Fraud, Caution

Don’t get too excited even if you get a DNA test done on your child secretly from a private lab. Your DNA test certificate has literally no value in courts if done from a private lab. This is mostly considered as an attempt to malign the wife. So take precautions, contact MRAs to know what precautions you need to take.

10 Fight until victory

Fight Paternity Fraud

Ask any lawyer, and s/he will tell you that in Adultery cases the conviction is near to zero. This is because the law is so loosely bound that even in paternity fraud cases the court supports the adulterous wife and her verbal statement is given more weightage compared to your SMS or email evidences. So you need to fight until victory and press for changing the law to punish errant wives. Your future generation and the child who is also a victim of paternity fraud will be thankful to you.

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‘No’ means ‘No’

No responsibilityHi, call me Roy. That’s not my real name though. But the story I am going to tell you is real. I am a middle aged man divorce a few years ago and never wanted to get married ever. The reason was simple. I found women had become very different. With feminism and more equality they had become like men and lost their charm to me.

Even though I hated feminism, I believed in both ‘No means No and ‘Yes means Yes theories. First one is feminist promoted reason of rape sensitizing men that when a woman says no to a man’s advancement in an intimate physical relation, the man should stop there. I know and understand the difficulty of men to follow this. So I am sensitized to the ‘Yes means Yes’ definition of anti-feminists that says once consent is given in any manner a woman can not withhold the consent. Feminists play around with men in this area where they want to term any physical relation as rape based on their convenience.

However, I do believe men can play around with this and play with female minds being completely within the perspective of feminists’ own ‘No means No’ theory.

In my college days I was in love with a muslim girl who was very intelligent and smart. Being a Hindu boy myself I could never directly tell her my emotions but we were getting closer and I was trying to figure out how to pour my heart out to her. That was the time when she got into one of the most prestigious institution where I could not. As it always happen, she started ignoring my advances and a heartbroken me decided to move on and get married to an ordinary girl.

Ever since my divorce, I had decided to live alone forever when after almost 12 years my old flame found me out in social media and after repeated attempts to contact me, finally succeeded in getting in touch. I was elated to see her back in my lonely life and felt god had that alternative plan for me. She was not married until then and I felt she loved me too. In no time, we came very close and regained confidence in each other. I expressed my feelings for her after 12 years we met last.

She was a different person by then. A degree from one of the country’s most prestigious institutions, a high ranking global career and huge bank balance made her a top notch successful professional in life. But I did not care about her new identity. To me, she was still the same old Muslim girl who I loved.

We decided to go on a vacation together to celebrate our being together again after 12 years of life. Naturally, the two lonely hearts didn’t take much time to come very close.

We had boarded a bus from our city to go to a nearby hill station. Our romance started in the bus. I was not able to control my emotions. I felt after years of loneliness I have got the love of my life. None of us bothered about our social status. We were only lovebirds.

We booked one room in a hotel and stayed together. When she agreed to that proposal of mine I was sure she wanted to unleash herself too. But when in the hotel room after showing compassion for a sufficiently long time when I wanted to have sex, she refused. She still had the inhibition in her and even though she loved me she didn’t want to have sex. I was a fish out of water then. Not able to control myself and she was refusing to let herself loose.

I knew you MRAs would have termed it as my sexual harassment but I decided to stick to feminist definition of ‘No means No’ and wanted to play on.

Through my researches about women psychology and sexual desires, I knew very well that way to unlock their desires was through their mind and not through the organ between the legs. I knew that if my woman didn’t agree fully and came forward to unleash her wildest desires, I had no business forcing me onto her. That would have deprived both of a heavenly ecstasy that we were looking for. I was not sure why she retracted at the last moment and made me feel terrible. But I decided to respect her feelings and stop right there. Now guys will understand how difficult it was for me but I consoled myself that it was the way to experience the heaven.

I told her with full compassion and without complaining that I was ready to wait for her to become easy with me and to come forward on her own to take our relation to the next level. I also clarified to her that it was her wish to experience a heavenly orgasm that only two passionate lovers could gift each other. I explained that unless both our body and mind were in complete sync we wouldn’t have experienced the uncompromising thrill in our heavenly relation.

It was a mind game for her, I took that on. I knew women play these games with us a lot of time. We guys find them fickle minded because they change their behavior so much to become unsolved puzzles to us. So in that intimate moment I played a game with her mind too. Showed her something great that she was missing out by denying my advances. I was feeling like crying as I loved her so much yet she was still having unnecessary inhibitions.

Very soon she came very close to me, started kissing me all over. I knew the mind game was over. Rest of game would depend on my performance in the time to come. We had an amazing sex that night. Literally we found our lost love in each other and then caressed each other for a long time unless our body and mind became completely calm and were in a heightened state of unforeseen ecstasy filled with pleasure. She went into an untimely slumber in my arms and even though I was almost dead with hunger I fondled her and went into slumber as well.

Today, when I see feminists debating over ‘No means No trying to teach how guys should behave in marital relations, I wonder if our youth could be sensitized with partner behavior and gender specific characteristics in sexual matters. Without such in depth sensitization to our youth their marital life can’t experience the heavenly bliss and they will always end up blaming each other for everything.

Now feminists want to bring marital rape out of this concept. Even though you guys have a lot of valid points to counter feminist arguments of marital rape, I feel that if our youth could be sensitized little more about the sexual behavior and differences between two genders, they could actually experience the bliss rather than making sex a routine and mundane activity in couples that ultimately does not make anyone happy.

[As shared by an anonymous reader

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India Today annual sex survey reveals marital rape of men

India Today Sex Survey India’s leading magazine India Today in their Feb 8 edition of the magazine, published the insider stories of our bed rooms. Their annual sex survey shows that probably the society has opened up to a new reality of modern culture where discussing sexuality openly has become a trend. To the marriage counselors like us it is good in one way because we get a slightly better picture of our increasing divorces.

However, writer Shovon Choudhury finds a witty side to this as well, as he observes –“The theme of group sex dominates the survey ….. as more and more supermarkets and online shopping portals offer 1+1 or 2+1 offers.”

He observes that – “It is best to avoid public transport in Bhubaneswar and Patna” because respectively 31% and 24% people there are open to public sex.” Or as he observes that 41.8% of us practice some form of domination, submission or role playing and he observes – “sadly the survey does not reveal what roles are being played. ….Chhota Bheem? Arvind Kejriwal? Raghuram Rajan? Jodha and Akbar? Savita Bhabi? The Landlord’s Son? Pizza Delivery Boy?

The India Today sex survey shows the emergence of smaller cities as more kinkier is what more important and significant. Kochi (85%) emerged as a city of high sex drive and Gurgaon lowest. 85% in Kochi said they have high sex drive, 55% in Gurgaon faced sexual dysfunction. Even worse is 51% in Gurgaon have faced forced sex in their relation and 40% faked headache to avoid sex.

Guwahati emerges in the survey as the best city for marriage as 87% there faced no sexual dysfunction and 91% are attracted to their partners. Problem is 14% of them have said they started their sex life as early as in 12 years of age.

If we focus on gender roles in this intimate act as revealed by the sex survey, we see 80% women say sex is important compared to 66% in 2003 – expectations from our relationships have changed. Also the variants like Oral sex and Anal sex being more popular among couples compared to earlier years is a matter to ponder upon. Because 16% women would not have sex with their partner if he refused to give her oral sex. So if your partner loves any of these and you don’t, chances are s/he will go astray.

When it comes to straying Kochi is the leader with 49% cheating with their partners and 62% think that couples will survive straying. But 98% in Kolkata thinks couples will NOT survive straying. Another important fact is 78% men and 82% women can not accept their partners cheating on them. The fact that adultery is higher in smaller cities compared to the bigger cities make us thinking. According to the survey, overall 19% men and 10% women have cheated on their partners.

A recent trend of 3.8% housewives having paid sex is also a matter to observe. India Today also claims that the apps like Tinder or Truly Deeply Madly getting popular in India (probably it will increase even after the release of this survey 🙂 ). With sex available freely and marriages and long term commitments getting tougher, 34% youth have confessed of a committed relationship for more than four years yet no marriage.

India Today’s survey reveals that 41% people like the one who controls the intimate act and 34% likes people with skill and flair to experiment. Only 25% like someone who desires them. But still 34% said emotional attachment is the biggest turn on for them.

One more important figure is, today 19% women masturbate compared to 9% in 2003. This is of immense importance to Indian males, because women being more open, demanding and more experimental in terms of sex can cause a lot of trouble at home. A horny empowered wife at home can lead to more trouble everywhere.

One more important aspect of this survey was the male and female attractiveness indicators. For 37% women, strong shoulder and back is turn on while 23% want a nice abs. Men also have shifted their focus from women’s breasts (22%) to their face, skin and hair (24%) [good business indicator for beauty parlours]. Hopefully men will also include a woman’s character in this list very soon.

Some of the myths busted and some facts to reconcile from India Today Annual Sex Survey, 2016 are –

  1. More men (32.1%) think love is important for sex and not women (22.9%)
  2. More women (40.4%) think sex is important compared to men (36.3%)
  3. Almost equal percent of men (19.8%) face forced sex in a relation compared to women (20.1%) – marital rape against men not recognized by any law
  4. Women (8.6%) are more adventurous in bed than men (7%)
  5. Women (21.7%) are more into filming the act than men (16.6%)
  6. Men are not more attracted to a woman’s breasts or buttock than anything else (Face, eyes, hair 24%, Breasts (21.2%), buttock (10.5%)
  7. 20.5% men do not discuss sex at all compared to popular belief that men discuss sex all the time.

What Indian men need to understand is the change in women’s sexual behavior. With the rise of women empowerment it is becoming more challenging for men but Indians are still very much into personal touch. The arousing factors for them are caress (57%) > massage (21%) > Dressing up (12%) > setting the scene (6%) > Sex Toys and erotica (4%) tells us that. Those little things that matter in relationships. But this fails to explain why more Indians are cheating on their partner or looking for casual sex. Dr. Sudhakar Krishnamurti, director of Andromeda Andrology Center, Hyderabad finds this as – “… The most important thing why humans lean on sex toys and erotica after monogamy is the lack of novelty in bedroom”.

Surely enough the role playing and expectations like group sex or public sex is becoming popular because of this experimentation by people. More often than not popularizing porn artists and demanding more for women is creating a huge burden on men. When softer touches or personal intimacy still taking prevalence in sexual matters, men are burdened with more responsibilities and challenging lifestyle and women are given more ways to fantasize – making the equation increasingly biased against men.

Top ten states separated and divorced

Source Census 2011

India’s increasing separation and divorce rates give us more insight into this. India’s topmost states in terms of divorce are Kerala, Karnataka, Andhra Pradesh, Odisha and WB. In these states separated / divorced women outnumber men by ~3 to 4 times. This is an indication that the states affected by feminism and IT boom have more problem of divorces. It is time that before getting married a man understands these changing scenarios in a relationship.

India Today Survey reveals marital rape on men

One most important aspect that comes out of this sex survey is marital rape of men. At least equal percentage of men are raped by their wives in a relationship and when women have protection against marital rape under IPC 498a and DV Act, men do not have any protection in law. This is set to increase with women going wilder in bed and loving anal sex or oral sex.

India Today sex survey is thus important for everyone to understand the changing nature of those warming nights. Without understanding the change we can’t have successful relations.

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Guys – please think through your brain, not penis

Dedicated to my friend Veerendra P of Bangalore

The Phallic architectureIf you think this is a sleazy article and is going to be overloaded with sexual content you are wrong. Because the concept I am going to discuss is more philosophical than sexual.

First time I came across this concept in a counseling session of male victims when a fellow counselor jokingly remarked to one victim that “please don’t think through your penis, use brain”. Everyone laughed, including the victim. The first level understanding of the statement was “make use your brain properly”. But as I kept on thinking about the statement I realized that it is deep rooted in male bahaviour of thinking which I shall explain in this article with examples.

This statement means that very often in relationship matters male decision making ability is overshadowed by their preference for their sexual partner rather than logical reasoning. Even though both kind of thought process is driven by and controlled by our brain, men make a lot of mistakes when their sexual innuendos interfere logical unbiased thinking.

To understand this, we need to understand how men make mistakes in several decisions wrt to their relationship. It is found that the so called ‘stronger’ sex is actually ‘weak’ in sexual and emotional matters. Sexual matters – because they can hardly stand a few minutes in a sexual act (I am not talking about porn heroes) while most of the time the woman is still not done. Men’s urge may be sudden and quick but they lack sustenance. Whereas women are sexually stronger gender because they can satisfy multiple such men at a time and still be undone.

Men are also emotionally weak in relationship matters because they are manipulated by their partners most of the time. It starts from paying her mobile bills to buying her gifts or simply pursue her even after repeated failed attempts.

In marital matters too men take several wrong decisions because of their preference for their partner and ignore cruelty by her as explained below –

She is not responsible for false cases against me, it’s the society/relatives/NGOs/police/court that is responsible – Very often men undergoing harsh treatment in false cases think that their wives were not guilty of filing such false cases but others were responsible. Even after undergoing jail term, losing their job due to such complaints, men think highly about their partners while their partners may be thinking of them as losers.

My child is in safe and most reliable custody when he is with his mother – Men in general think mothers are great and they love their mothers the most. The same thought process goes for their wives too when they see their children are with them. Even if these women had actually denied visitation of these men to their children but continued accepting child maintenance from them. These women might have thrown these men out of their own house and living with their paramour.

These men do not realize that these single mothers are the most cruel mothers in the world. They are not only poisoning little minds but also depriving them of their biological fathers. Very often these single mothers boast of playing both roles of a father and a mother without realizing that all they are doing is instilling falsehood and lies in a child’s life. So the men who feel comfortable with their children being safe in the hands of mothers is actually wrong and lack logical thinking.

My wife might have had illicit affair or has an illicit child but she still loves me – Normally men get furious when they find their wives having affair. But there are some who still believes that his wife might have gone astray a few times but she actually loves him. Some men feel that wife is not their property so she is free to do whatever she wants. These men continue to trust their wives even after catching them red handed. They continue to believe that their wives love them and will refrain from immoral behavior in future. In one case I have seen that even after finding out that his wife gave birth to an illicit child and was cheating him for years, the man still felt bad for his wife and continued to disbelief that she was in fact cruel to him.

If we look deep in all the above examples we find that men very often take such decisions whenever they put their preference for their sexual partner before their own interests. This happens mostly due to the provider and protector roles assumed by men. Protectors feel ashamed to admit that they can’t protect themselves from the women they are supposed to protect, providers get a feeling of failure in their assumed role when their wives are dissatisfied with them. In both situations a man loses his respectful identity.

So all men need to shun their provider and protector roles and be respectful to their own life and liberty first. Very often the threat is from within their lives but men do not realize that. If they have a clear logical thinking they can identify such cruelties early in life.

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Why did Bangalore’s secret “blind dating’ event fail

Blind Dating, Dating

Representative image

A secret ‘blind dating’ event organized by a group in Bangalore failed big time with the organizers backing off at the last moment.

This event, organized by a Meetup group that claimed it was the first time such an event was organized in Bangalore, had all the rules right. It charged 50% premium from males over females for attending the event. The rules were simple. Each guy was promised to meet three females of their choice and each woman was promised to meet five guys. The names of the organizers and venue details were to be revealed at the last moment. It was also promised that the identities of the participants will be kept confidential to all others until they find their date.

The event was well planned, rules set correctly following good standards. It has also set the right expectations from the beginning. However, the organizers had to pull out of the event at the last moment despite overwhelming response for this highly charged event.

The final mail from organizers to all its secret participants said something like this (not the same words)–

“Guys, I am sorry to pull out of the event and I promise I will never try to organize something like this. The reason is not registration for the event but unnecessary high expectation of ladies attending the program. We believed that such events are a good way to mingle with like-minded singles in your area and find potential mates. However, ladies have been sending me mails stating what kind of guys they want to meet and what kind of guys they don’t want to meet. They are specifying the minimum salary expectation, size of house, car etc. which we find impossible to meet. We are calling off the event as we don’t find it to be successful.”

This mail was a clear signal to the harmful effects of feminism that is set to ruin our relationship expectations. With no entry barrier for girls in marriages, and huge entry barrier created for the guys to enter into relationships, marriage as an institution of sustaining the progeny is sure to fail. What is worrisome is overwhelming participation of males in such events despite high entry barrier to both the event and to marriage and low expectations from them from their potential mates.

As this event was organized for Bangalore’s niche social segment, I presume the attendees were educated and working in good companies with all of them having good financial background. What worries me more is none of these women are bound to take care of their families. With very easy beneficial exit for them from marriages with heavy alimony and maintenance claims (stating same living standard after divorce) despite their working status should set alarm bells ringing in men.

I will blame Indian men for this situation. They are responsible for creating such a situation for themselves. In a rage of showing more care and protection for the females around them, Indian males have created such expectations that is making it impossible for them to find potential mates today.

The situation is not different for these females either. The online matrimonial portals are filled with profiles of good looking “never married” working females in their late ‘30s who didn’t find anyone to marry and only after coming to late ‘30s they have realized the danger. Now after becoming plump, fat and with face wrinkles they realize that they may not find anyone to marry at all.

Many such women in late ‘30s who contacted me for marriage have confessed of their high demands in early ‘30s and they always expected better grooms who were nowhere to be found. Many realize today that they will probably not get married ever.

Failure of the blind dating event in Bangalore only tells everyone that unnecessary raising a gender to a very high status created a vacuum in the society that will not be filled easily Such highly established ladies will never marry unemployed males as men were doing in large numbers so far. With dowry being illegal and alimony being legal and considered as a right for women and with no contribution (monetary or otherwise) being set for women in marriages, marriage as an institution is set to fail.

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Beware of cheaters on matrimonial websites

Matrimonial websites

Marriages through matrimonial websites is a necessity today. As the two genders get more chance to mingle, the gap between two genders only widen. As relationship barriers to distinguish between a friend, paramour and a husband gets blurred out, more and more people get to these websites to find out their potential mates. But most of these relationships result in divorce.

So what are the factors that one can look into before one can select one’s soul mate through these websites. In a recent survey with the people who went through a rocky divorce after getting married through matrimonial websites, The Male Factor team has come to know about some of the best practices that one can follow. Even though these factors may not be enough but these can give some guidelines to the prospective brides and grooms in their endeavor to search their partners.

Pre marriage courtship

It was found in all cases of failed marriages, that the parties hardly met each other before marriage. There was hardly one or two F2F interactions before the marriage was finalized. So there was no chance of them to know each other. It was more difficult for them to gauge the other person’s mentality, behavior, likes and dislikes. In cases where the person had interaction of 100 hours or more it was found that these were only through online chat or knowing them from a distance.

Psychologists and marriage counselors suggest that the couples should get to know each other for at least 1.5 years in F2F dates twice a week with each date extending for 2-3 hours. This time is needed to know each other personal preferences and behavior that helps the couple in future bonding.

Most of the survey respondents complained that they didn’t know their partner well before getting married.

Location / language no barrier

It was found in the survey that the couples with failed marriages did not have any language or locational barrier in most cases. In many cases there were no other difference (like caste, religion etc.) as well.

The factors that attracted the respondents

Here are some of the factors listed by the male respondents as reasons of selecting their previous spouse.

Factors like her – look, job, cool nature, high respect for grooms family before marriage, willingness to be a part of our family, education, culture, personality (look and silent nature), intelligence, innocence, generous and kind to people, acceptable thoughts, open and jolly nature etc. were the deciding factors for men.

The respondents also told the factors they considered in bride’s family while selecting the bride. These are – Same caste, poor and humble family, father/mother a teacher, frank and open minded nature (later turned out to be fake in many cases), limited social circle, educated, same social background, simple living, well natured family, self-made etc.

It is observed in one case that the respondent knew the girl and her family for around 7200 hours before their marriage and found her bahaviour to have changed after marriage.

If we look at the above factors closely we will find that the survey respondents have taken care of almost every factor one could look for, yet they had suffered a broken relationship. Only one factor that was found common in most cases barring a few, is very less to nil F2F interaction between the two families. In many cases the respondents went ahead without even interacting with her family or without caring to know about them since they thought it was the girl who mattered the most.

Factors that experts say a ‘No’-‘No’ while selecting a girl

Experts who handle such cases and help the male victims by counseling them say that a man needs to be careful about the girls who –

  • Hide any information
  • Boast about their rejection criteria of boys
  • Highly qualified but not earning
  • Reside in far away location from that of the boy
  • Go out with friends with common friends or in groups
  • Ask for well earning grooms
  • Give you late replies on Whatsapp
  • Doesn’t share social media profiles
  • Are from affluent families, have politicians, lawyers, judges, police in their families

Almost all the respondents agreed that girls very often post fake profiles on websites. To be cautious one would need to verify their hard proofs of all documents. (Ever heard of background verification that big companies do?)

This survey revealed that in most cases, the men got married to the girls simply based on their physical beauty and did not do any background verification. They got married in a hurry within a few weeks of knowing each other. While most of the victims have agreed that a thorough background verification with physical verification of all original documents is a must.

Male counseling experts thus have words of caution for men trying to get married through online websites. Veteran male counselor Mr. Swarup Sarkar who has counseled hundreds of such victims suggests –

“Meeting girl’s mother and sister is must. If they are dominating in nature you are going to face problem. Check the relation her mother had with her own in-laws and her own family. If her mother did not have a good relation with her in-laws, rest assure, she is also not going to give any respect to your parents or other relatives. Ask her how many times does she go to paternal relatives and how many times she goes to maternal relatives in a year.”

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..and here is the secret of successful love marriages

[Dedicated to my avid reader C J Sledgehammer from US]

Marriage, love, datingI was doing research for the success recipe of love marriages for a few years but couldn’t find any answer until one of my avid readers C J Sledgehammer showed me some direction towards this. He told me what marriage counselors in US claim to be success recipe of love marriages. The detailed comment that he had made on my blog prompted me to conduct a survey among my readers to understand Indian dynamics of love marriages. The result is startling and supports all that he had said.

Looks like, there are hardly any differences in the success factors of love marriages in different parts of the globe. Here are the observations (we have considered marriages that have crossed seven years and still going strong as successful love marriage) –

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  Hope it helps my readers. Thanks for being awesome.

If you think it will help others, please share the same with others.

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