Five awesome reasons to #HugYourDad this Father’s Day

I have suggested many awesome gifting ideas for our fathers earlier in one of my articles. Some of them I found in other websites and some were my innovation. But, do our parents really look at the economic value of the gift given to them? Here are five awesome reasons to give your dad a warm hug, this Father’s Day.

Reason 1 – Because that touch is awesome

#HugYourDad by Vicks

Do you remember the first time he held your hand and you took first steps? Those first few steps of your life made you walk, stand and run in future. If you are what you are today it is because he supported you in those initial years that made you learn good lessons in life. Give him that touch through your hug. He needs it the most today.

Reason 2 – Because that touch is his support now

#HugYourDad by Vicks

Remember those early days when life threw challenges to you? His soft touch of hand or him hugging you in those trying times made you stand back on your feet. He might have faced challenges every time you had one, but he didn’t express his concerns to you and given you the warmth you needed. Today, when you have become his support system, why wait? Hug him today and everyday and make every day your Father’s Day.

Reason 3 – Because that touch gives him energy

#HugYourDad by Vicks

The positive energy that we carry with us diminishes as life takes it away little by little. With our age our vigour ends. When we were young his touch gave us energy, today on the occasion of Father’s Day we can make his life awesome by reminding him of that touch, the touch that will take him a long way, the touch that he will cherish for many more days to come. Give him a hug and that energy for him to cherish.

Reason 4 – Because that hug is his security now

#HugYourDad by Vicks

When we needed it, he delivered. When we cried, he was the one who came forward and provided a sense of security. Today, he became older and is in need of security. One hug can send the message to him that he is as secured as he was all his life. He may not lift the bucket or move the table today, he may be suffering from arthritis or joint pains but he has a support system for him that will continue to keep him secured for rest of his life.

Reason 5 – Because you don’t need any reason to hug your parents

Then why wait?

Remember, father not only gave you his DNA but also gave you a future. Hug him today and make that the most memorable Father’s Day gift to him.

*All images courtesy Vicks #HugYourDad video

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***activity at BlogAdda in association with Vicks

Happy mother’s day

Dear mom,

I do not know how do I really express my happiness for having you as my mom. From childhood I have built an image of a mother by seeing you that I used to think as universal. The lessons that I learnt at that tender age took me a long way to a new improved life.

You taught us (your children) the value of compassion for the street children by giving our old clothes to them or by giving our old books to them. The gifts given in kind was seen as more kind gesture than the money given to them ever. I remember that dad used to take tuition for some of those poor children free of cost so that they could learn to read and write. The value of compassion for the poor and deprived took me a long way today to think about them. Today, I give the same suggestion to the men who come to me for help after suffering from broken marriage and broken heart. The virtues of compassion take them a long way, they forget their pain, live a new life and let others live a better life as well. This is the virtue taught by you makes us think compassionately for men and boys who are increasingly denied of their rights. Thus I took up the task of showing the importance of thinking with compassion about the problems men and boys face. A lesson that was well forgotten.

Ma, you taught us lessons of faith by being faithful to your family and all relations. In this way both you and dad taught us the virtues of being faithful to ones family and fight against all atrocities with ease. This is the faith that restored faith in life every time we had fallen in our journey of life. When I see that we as human beings are losing faith in each other, I get scared. This is what everyone needs to learn first on their life.

You taught us to be sincere in whatever we do by sincerely taking up all your responsibilities in your family. We learnt from you and dad. You have not asked for everything as a right and taken up responsibilities first. I do try to emulate what  I learnt from you. I try to do everything with sincerity today. If I don’t want to do something, I refuse getting into it to avoid complications later. I imagine if we become sincere in whatever we do, we will have a better world to live in. I remember the sincere dedication of dad in development of our family as well. It was because of both of your sincere efforts we could do whatever we have achieved so far.

Honesty is another virtue that I have learnt from you. But I am not able to follow that completely. I have also seen that ‘straight trees are cut first’. Today honest people are robbed of their life. I used to be honest initially but life taught me not to be honest any more.

Probably the list of the virtues in our life is changing. Because today I don’t see compassion being shown to me from anywhere. The state is so much biased against me that I am deprived of a meaningful, respectful life. My freedom and choices are curtailed to ensure freedom and choices of empowered women. Today none of the crimes committed against me by a woman is recognized as a crime. Today faith only means how a man can keep faith, whereas breaking faith is considered as women empowerment. Sincerity, honesty have become things of the past. The extent of honesty is seen in our courts where any young DIL can lie to send elderly MIL to jail and MIL’S honesty has no value whatsoever.

Mom, you taught me some good virtues of life but probably you needed to teach the same to those feminists who influence our lawmakers to create enormous bias in the society. Today I have lost all importance as a man. My father has lost all his importance as being the supportive pillar to our family all through his life. That is why I see Mother’s Day images completely ignoring us – the men in the house as if they are redundant, disposable.

image

I know mom that you don’t like this world, too. You will never imagine your world without dad or without your sons. But most of us are increasingly trained to believe in redundancy of men. ‘Little kids’ means only ‘little girls’ today, be it in ads or in govt policies or in reservations. We are moving to a new reality of single mother girl children.

On the occasion of mother’s day, I ask you if your compassion meant only to be limited to girls and women alone? If not then why we boys don’t find a place in the society today. I ask you if your faith was only meant to be broken by women? If not, mom then how come my honesty has no value in the courts of law today compared to a woman’s lies. Why are today’s mother think of having sex outside marriage as a right and depriving children of their dads identity is empowerment?

No mom, it’s not that I am very happy living with the virtues you taught, but I will change this system for the next generation before I die. The boys will get their identity, the right that they deserve. I want to die changing the ever cruel world that is progressively eliminating men and from all social roles and treating them only as disposable money machines.

I know my death will not be honorable because today all that matters to this society are girls. I am grateful that you have not believed in feminist theories of depriving the baby boys from nurturing by the mother. If you have ever believed in what you taught us you will know that I am on the right track. I am sure if I could die changing the world, you will be proud of me even from among the stars. This mother’s day, I assure you that I will work for my rights and bring back lost honor to the virtues you taught me – compassion, faith, sincerity and honesty.

Love you mom

Your son

This painful story of child visitation will make you cry

Child in a divorceI met him for the first time in our Bangalore meeting. Since he was a Bengali too we became friends very soon. In our meetings all men are fighters against injustice from Indian gender biased laws. In other words all who attend our meetings are suffering from legal terrorism in the name of women empowerment. He was not different too. Every week in all our meeting locations across India we get at least three new victims like him or you can say like me. Yes actually there is no difference in our stories. Well to some extent at least.

That day he took me with him to his housing complex where he had a two BHK flat until some time ago.

As I entered the complex with him he parked his car in his parking lot. He handed over the car to a man who would clean his car for next half an hour while he took me inside.

It was a huge upmarket complex with flats in the range of one crore (10 million). That is quite a lot of money in Indian standard. This complex had all failures that I could think of – swimming pool, tennis courts, badminton courts and what not. While we were walking inside on that Sunday evening I realized that all facilities were used to the maximum possible extent by the inmates. The people who stayed there were all senior managers from all possible industries.

We went to the backside of the housing complex where the children’s park has various rides for children up to early teenagers. In the meantime he told me that he wanted to meet his son. He was visibly excited when he said that. I was happy too because he was happy.

He pointed to a boy from a distance but I did not understand who he was pointing to. We approached near the children playing in the park until there was a gap of around 10 meters when he abruptly stopped. He was staring at the children with his eyes sparkling in tears. I didn’t understand why he had to stop at a distance when his son was near him. I pushed him to go near the children but he resisted for some unknown reason. I was really annoyed by his behavior. In the meantime the boys noticed us. Immediately, all the boys except one four / five year old went away. They all dispersed like magic. I was even more surprised and didn’t really know what was happening.

By that time we went closure to the child standing there with good head staring at the floor. My friend called his name twice and asked in English how he was. My friend asked him some other questions too to which the boy replied only by nodding his head. I didn’t understand what was happening and I became impatient. I scolded my friend for not taking his son on his lap and creating a drama there. I also noticed that other children were noticing everything from a distance.

However, my friend didn’t spend more time there he abruptly cut short his visit and shook hands with the child from a distance of at least two meters. Well, don’t ask me how that is possible and how much did they have to bend to shake hands. Even I was not able understand what was happening.

When we were returning from there, I was furious at him. I scolded him and asked him why he didn’t hug his son or took him on his lap.

But what he told me was not only heartbreaking for a father like him, it was probably greatest shame to a parental relation.

He told that his wife had an extra marital affair but despite that she got married to him. In his seven years of marriage he had tried his best to be a successful provider and protector for his family. He bought that expensive flat for his family’s convenience. But after they moved in to the flat his wife showed him her true colors. Eventually she filled all false cases against him and his ailing mother and made them vacate their own flat and stay in a small rented flat in a different place. All these while he continued to pay bank EMI and interim maintenance to his wife and child. He also mentioned that his wife was staying in that flat where her paramour was a repeated visitor.

I was still wondering why he didn’t take his son on his lap when he continued saying that if he tried to get any closer to his son, his wife would have beaten the child mercilessly when he returned home. That was the reason even though both of them wanted to hug each other no one went ahead with the idea. He also told me that all other children were his wife’s spies who would report every minute details to the mother of the child. The child was strictly instructed by his mother not to meet my friend or talk to him.

His name is not important. He can be anyone among us. Any of successful men who are the providers and protractors of their wives and believe buying luxury for their wife is their prime goal in life. These are the protectors of women who doesn’t know how to protect themselves from the same women they protect.

10 easy tips for fathers – how to make your child sleep

Pampers Baby

Whenever I come across any advertisement related to childcare, I have always seen mothers all over the ad. It creates an impression that a mother knows everything of a child and a father does not know anything about child rearing. Recently I came across this commercial from Pampers which is no different.

If you see this commercial you will immediately note there are only mothers throughout the ad – a woman’s voiceover, two women displaying the diaper features and a mother playing with her baby.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTlVOdovIZ8]

But it is not the mothers who do everything for their children, even when it comes to diapers and taking the baby to sleep. It might be true in the era of my parents but not today. Modern lifestyle forces both the parents to take equal responsibility at home and fathers do take a lot of responsibility in the homes today. Hence my today’s post is dedicated to all fathers who have awesome time with their babies but need little guidance from experienced fathers who have managed kids.

In my personal life I have observed that managing a child’s sleep was not easy for me. It was not that I didn’t want to take care of his sleep but it was my over friendly nature that had made him take me lightly. Sometimes it was exhaustive for me to put him to sleep and finally his mother used to take him to task to make him sleep. Well I didn’t like her beating the child in order to put him to sleep and always felt it was a failure on our part to know the child better.

Many told me that the child needed to play extensively throughout the day so that at night he gets tired and sleep automatically. He was a bundle of energy that never seemed to reduce. So I made it a practice to eat my dinner with him. He started eating dinner with us after six months of his age. By one year he was eating from my plate. I always felt that this kind of small habits creates good bonding between the father and the child. Simultaneously we used to have cartoon channels on for him to keep his attention diverted from food so that he eat without any hassle. Both of us used to switch roles of feeding him and he enjoyed our attention and the dinner sitting in the middle of two of us. This practice was a kind of preparation for his bedtime.

After dinner we used to watch television for some more time and then we used to start preparing for our sleep. Well no need to mention that we had to keep at least one hour buffer to make him sleep.

I never believed that spanking a child could yield any result. Thus in order to make him sleep, I used to play with him to exhaust him and to put him to sleep. His most favourite bedtime game was to play with me. I used to lie down on the bed and he used to jump on my back. Well, let me confess that a one-two year old kid jumping on my back relieved a lot of my backpain. It was good massage for me while he enjoyed attention of playing with me. He used to pull my hair hard, beat me and all that was part of my work to put him to bed. Problem was he had so much of energy that he never seemed to get tired and it was always me who used to get tired.

So after about one hour of play with him (it is probably better to call it as getting beaten up by him) we used to switch off the lights. But the little devil never used to sleep immediately. He only used to keep his eyes closed and we could feel that he was not asleep. So it was again my turn to take him on my lap and take rounds in our balcony to make him sleep. At times I was successful, many a times I was not. Then his mother used to step in, some spanking from her and he would peacefully go to bed.

This bedtime story with my little one may create an impression that his mother was successful in making him sleep but very often she used to use force to put him to sleep. So the impression such commercials create, that mothers are more successful with kids is not right, not at least in my kid’s case. I have the opinion that fathers can be equally successful with kids and hence I want to share some tips for the new fathers –

  1. If your kid is a son make him a friend at an early age. A good father-child bond can be created in several ways like sharing food, making him eat from your plate, having a good pillow fight and losing to him and at times even making him jump on your back (that is a good massage you know). This father child bond is extremely important to take you a long way. If the kid is a daughter she will be naturally less active than a boy and more addicted to her father. Same actions of creating bonding may be taken and I am sure you will get better results.
  2. A good night sleep is very important to have his mind and body fresh for the next day. So make sure you use a good diaper. Well I am not recommending any particular brand here but make sure it is dry from inside even when it is ready to be thrown out. Check different brands yourself and then decide. Don’t compromise on quality of his diapers, as the last thing you want is he getting up in the middle of the night and disturbing your sleep. One tip is have the better quality diaper for night time even if in the day time you are using the ordinary ones to save cost.
  3. NEVER spank a child in the middle of night if he is not getting sleep, no matter how frustrated you are. That will make them cry out of pain even harder and will make you night miserable.
  4. Sometimes, children start crying suddenly at night without any reason. That may be a bad dream or may be stomach ache. Without putting on any light just put your hand on their chest and slowly and gently rub their head. This will work if it is a bad dream. If it is stomach ache then consult a doctor for a solution. My child’s paediatrician had given a solution that worked like magic with him.
  5. Always make him sleep in between two of you in those early years. That will make him bond well with both of you.
  6. After three or four years of his age when he is independent make him sleep in a separate children’s room. You need to do this gradually so that he becomes independent and confident and you two have your privacy.
  7. At times children do get up suddenly in the middle of the night without any sign. I don’t know why do they do that, but I have observed that with my kid and hence I feel it is very important that you are not in a sexual position with your partner during those times. To save you from such awkwardness you need to make your child sleep in another room as soon as they are old enough to understand things.
  8. Many people resort to lullaby or bedtime stories for making a child sleep. I used to create my own funny lullabies that never worked. If you are a victim of such lullaby failure, please buy some good CDs and play them during night. That will probably make you sleep as well.
  9. Other than lullaby, my personal preference is good soft music like piano or flute. These can change the entire ambience to such an extent that after you baby’s sleep, you and your wife may try to get cozy…well use the other room for that. The last thing you want is to wake your little ones up and mess up your romantic mood.
  10. For having a good night sleep and a perfect romantic mood you can also use soft aromatic perfumed candles or spray. These take your nights to a heavenly perfection and may also help your baby sleep faster. Please change these fragrances as if he gets used to one fragrance, later he may not get sleep without any fragrance or with a different one.

All the tips provided here can really make a father rock with his kids. I am sure perfect use of these tips will change the common perspective that when it is related to babies, one always needs to believe in mothers’ opinion. We fathers can also be equally successful with our babies.

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* Image source

Some useful articles related to this topic from the internet

1. When they won’t sleep

2. Science of sleep

3. Sleep sound, sleep safe

Happy Diwali!! My Child

Sweetheart,

Do you remember me? Probably not!!

You were only two years old then. Could not even talk properly, but those sweet words from your mouth used to make my day. Then, every day used to be a surprise for us, everyday used to bring new dimensions of life, everyday there was some learning or the other for us.

Today, I remember that day clearly. It was 24th October 2011. It was Diwali that day and I traveled to Kolkata from Hyderabad. I went to your mamabari (maternal uncle’s house). It was the house that used to dazzle with wealth, pride, power and cruelty. That day it was shining with additional lights. It was reminding every moment that it was Diwali.

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I went in the evening, I was asked by your mother not to carry any crackers because your maternal grandfather’s affiliates have given enough crackers for one week, and all were costly crackers. How could I buy anything for you because you already had enough? So I bought one winter garment for you. I remember you were bursting in ecstasy after seeing the gift from this poor man.

We burst crackers till 9 pm before I called it a day. I had to travel to my home and it was already late. We went in the house, cleaned ourselves thoroughly and I went away. I remember you were extending both your hands to come to my lap and crying at the top of your voice to come to me, but I had to tell a lie to you that I would come back to you, when I knew very well that it was the last day of our meet. I knew very well that I would never come back to you and I visited you only to see if you are were happy in your mother’s arms. I just wanted to see the child whom I loved more than myself happy and secure and moved out silently.

If you think I was cruel, if you think it was a wrong decision I need to tell you to meet me when you are grown up. Contact me and I will tell you why I came back that day, why I have not responded to your extended arms and why I did not take you onto my laps.

What you will never know is that your mother called me that night. She told me to come to her house and take you along with me as you were crying the whole night to meet me, you were crying to come to me and you will never know how much I have withdrawn my tears. When you have forced your mother to call me at night I realized that probably you came to know that I would never come back ever in your life. I realized that children probably have a stronger sixth sense than anyone else.

This year on Diwali I am remembering you a lot. But I can’t go back to you any more. Probably you don’t know but I went to your first school in Kolkata. I went to understand how your studies were going, whether your mother needed any help. But a spoilt crooked girl of a wealthy, selfish family didn’t have any value for a child’s innocence or emotions. I was prohibited to see you by the school authority. I didn’t try again. I didn’t want you to witness a drama.

Now four long years have passed. You probably don’t remember me any more, you probably don’t know that I have taken you to school and took you back home in my lap every single day you went to school when we lived in Hyderabad. Your mother probably portrays me as the most cruel person on the earth today but in reality she had never got time to take you school in those six months. She was the one who used to beat you up more vigorously and you used to run to me for cover and I used to protect you always. I remember that even on your second Diwali day, when you were wearing a Kurta – Pajama and had difficulty walking, your mother did not take you on her lap, I did.

I remember all these every day. As Diwali is closely associated with this memory it brings the good old thoughts with you around it. I have decided to gift the happiness that I have given you four years ago to other children.

Quickr and Blogadda came forward to fulfil my wish. They brought this unique opportunity to me. They gave me an offer to buy anything upto Rs. 5000 and promised to reimburse the amount.

I didn’t want anything for me. Even though your mother and our legal system have completely ripped me apart in these four years, I am not as greedy and selfish as your mother is. The moment I received this offer, I decided to donate the amount for happiness of the children like you.

Today I will also tell you that story

I visited the website quickr.com and chose my city. As you know that currently I live in Bangalore- far off from my own city Kolkata, because, its streets are full of your memory.

Quickr1Their home page design reminded me of your childhood drawing, those abstract arts. In fact, their chat icon was really attractive. Navigations were clearly marked. The kind of tech savvy kid you were, I am sure even you will find it attractive –

Quickr3

The nice little chat icon on the right also told me that unskilled surfers like your grandparents can get instant help from the website.

The login screen of the website asked minimum information for login. Probably if you have an email today, you can also try. 🙂

Quickr2

The first login screen took me to my dashboard. The design of the dashboard was really cool. It gave me detail of my previous non expired ads and necessary features to manage the ads –

My Dashboard

I remember I posted a few ads for selling some of my household items on Quickr. When you have stopped using the pram I have sold that using Quickr. But those ads were not to be seen this time.

The homepage displayed all products on offer in an easily identifiable manner. It was easy for me to choose the product or service.

Quickr Menu

As I told you in the beginning I was looking for charitable organizations that works for children like you. I found them listed under Community and Events.

The charity option was the first one listed under the same.

Charity on Quickr

I opened the page for charity and found the list of NGOs. All of them had their contact details updated on the same page, too.

But there were many such NGOs listed there. Probably nothing was enough for them and the amount available to me was very limited. Thus I had to choose the right NGO carefully. I did all necessary research before choosing one of them. As I always taught you that giving is the best policy, you will never feel happier than while giving something in charity. Hope your mother will also teach you the same.

Adarane Charitable Trust, Bangalore

This is to tell you that boys like you are discriminated against from birth. The ministry that is supposed look for your welfare till 16 years of age also formulates laws against you for your gender.

Probably you still don’t understand that. All govt. funds are routed to only women welfare and girls’ education and boys’ orphanages do not get adequate fund from anyone. All govt. projects and donations are addressed towards girls. All boys’ orphanages face challenges. This was one of the reasons for me to select Adarane for donation.

They have 25 children today. All of them are between 6-13 years of age. You also might be six years today. They are your friends but none of them are as fortunate to have a wealthy family to take care, warm beds to sleep, a mother to love and someone from a different city to pay for all your expenses without ever seeing you.

Those innocent faces reminded me of you. All those children needed a smile like you have today.

So I sent them an email from the website–

Quickr8


 “Dear Adarane Team,

I was browsing internet to buy something for myself on Quickr for Diwali. However, I came to know about the listing of NGOs there and came across your name.  I felt that DIwali is not only mine but for all those underprivileged children too. They should also get a major slice of happiness called Diwali.

So I have decided to donate Rs. 5000 to your charity online. I would like to be associated with you in all possible manner. Kindly let me know the requirements for your children.

Regards

Partha”


Since they did not reply even in one day’s time I have called them up, fixed an appointment with them and given the cheque to them.

Adarane Charity

Like this we need to keep happiness for the deprived, for those who may not have their slice of life. Learn this today, festivals like Diwali is for everyone, so always try to bring happiness for others. Wish them luck so that they continue to smile like this.

Happy Diwali my child! I miss you the most in every Diwali. Because our last meeting in this life was on Diwali, 2011.

Love you always.

Your papa.

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Planning future for my child

Plans are there to fail still we need to plan all our work.

Planning a child’s career

Planning a child’s future is never an easy task, especially when we have more career options and more avenues to show one’s expertise. Today it’s not enough if our children are educated, they need to survive in the competition. They need to have skills that never fade out or they know when to acquire new skills.

For any profession we choose today, we need money to pursue the same. Also it is not always that the child will like that profession in future, whatever we choose. S/He may completely take a different route to do something else. In earlier days Doctors / Engineers / CAs / MBAs were lucrative profession, but not any more.

Nowadays there are many professions that are coming up are different, some of the older professions are changing for better or getting abolished. Keeping pace with new generation and new challenges are not easy. Parents need to be well-informed today to guide their child the best. Many a times even the educated parents can’t guide them properly due to lack of knowledge. Teachers / mentors come as help to us.

Planning a good future for one’s child is every parent’s dream. However, the main concern that bothers everyone is money.

How much money is enough?

How much is too much? No one knows the answer. We earn money and plan according to what best we can do. Some of us save money in different schemes with the hope that when our child reaches different milestones in his / her life s/he gets the help of that money. But that money may not be enough.

So we need to understand that when no amount of money can be enough for a particular career option, we need to think differently. Money saving becomes secondary to many other factors expressed below. and even though there are websites like http://www.careesma.in we still need to plan their future.

Here are a few pointers that I would follow to build my son’s future –

1. Give him different exposure

He will be given exposure to different environments, different career options from the beginning. We really don’t know if he will be a Doctor, a Cricketer, a Musician, a Magician or an Entrepreneur. So he needs to be exposed to different environments from the childhood to choose from. It does not mean he needs to pursue each one to understand what option he likes. This exposure means seeing these shows, attending such programs or meeting such people who excelled in these activities.

2. Evaluate his interests

As parents it will be our responsibility to understand what he likes, and what he doesn’t. We need to quickly move out of those options that he doesn’t like. We will take help of professional and trained counselors for that.  

I understand that in his childhood our son may not be able to understand the good or bad, but his interests will show up, at least to the experienced eyes. There are some necessary activities that one needs to learn like swimming or self-defense skills and I will definitely like him to pursue that for long even if he doesn’t want a career out of that.

3.Balance his time

Childhood is most precious to all!

Once gone, it never comes back!!

I believe this from core of my heart and want to follow this from core of my heart too. In his childhood apart from his required school time, study time and time for other daily activities, he should enjoy his games time and that should be ample. So I will prefer him to be in a good play school right from the age of 2 yrs. This is because he mingles with other boys and learns to socialize, create network from the beginning. This is the skill that takes one through bad times. Also this is important in today’s nuclear families. He should also spend quality time with his family members, so that he learns to love them, understand what a family is.

4. Make the basic skills very strong

 This is very important as this will create one’s future. So no matter whether he wants to be a musician, or a doctor or a cricketer there are some basic skills that are very important. For example, conversation skills in English. This is because any global skill is recognized by one’s English speaking ability. No matter whether one is cricketer or musician one need to be good in English. As we live in India, knowledge of Hindi language is also important. In fact in today’s world knowledge of a few languages is always helpful and hence I will see if he gets good education in some foreign languages like German, French, Japanese etc.

Similarly body fitness. Anybody will be successful in future if one is physically fit, without any kind of illness. Healthy body is primary need of a healthy and sound mind.

There are some other skills, like cycling, driving, painting, swimming and public speaking skills that are very important. Any professional can be taken to a long distance by these skills. So training on all these skills will be in his daily chart. Compulsory.

5. Monitor his progress

I will constantly monitor his progress in all basic parameters while he grows affinity for any particular career. This doesn’t happen before the age of 15 / 16. By that time one has taken the first major exam in one’s life. The class X exam.

Since children of age 15 / 16 can be considered as matured today, as the maturity level has increased, after that we need to give importance and priority to his views. We will reason out the odd ones but if his decision doesn’t change, we will go by his decision.

6. Take him to places

The only reason I will do this is real life experience make our experience better, memorable. When we travel to different places, meet different people, see different cultures we start respecting those cultures. In future it makes our life easier as we are living in a globalized world today. This will make sure we don’t get cultural shock in future and work in better way to accomplish our goals.

While we take him to different places it is very important that explore different things in that new place. In this way his life will be fun, adventurous and full of learning. He will start loving his life and his family too. He will be better fit for the world.

7. Learning is fun

Learning can be fun for both the teacher and the student. And that is what we need to follow. While I understand that it is not possible to make one expert of everything but knowledge never goes waste. Since we can’t depend on any premonition of a child’s future or force anything on a child we need to be very careful on what we want him to be expert. In fact in first 15 / 16 years of his life, I don’t want him to be expert of anything. Just take part in everything. If we find any natural choice for him, he will pursue that, if not it will grow gradually.

In fact if we can concentrate on making one’s basic areas stronger and make one a better person to take on tough competition in future, one will be a successful individual. And for that, I don’t want him to stand first in class. If he by the process of education becomes first that’s ok but there will be no pressure for him to rank first, because the race of life is even greater.

Learning is made fun today, thanks to many edutainment channels and we really don’t need to name them. All kinds of interactive channels and programs bring quality education to our doorstep. Even fun programs can be so much learning. Internet is another media that is never ending. Only we need to remember that there is world beyond chatting and social networking sites.

8. Acknowledge he is an adult when it is time

Anything forced upon one person cannot be successful. So when he becomes 16 I will respect his decision to pursue a career. I will definitely seek opinion from other knowledgeable people like his teachers, but his choice will get a preference.

His preference needs priority because when he pursues a career that he loves, he does give his best into it. When he gives best into anything he is supposed to get best results out of it. Only as parents we need to upgrade our skills and learn more on that subject or at least be so much knowledgeable that we can help him.

So my big plan will only be to provide a strong base for him, a base on which he can build his future. Everything else will fall in place.

Hello Beta

Hi Beta! How are you today?

Happy Birthday

Today I have no option but to ask the question like this. The question that I should not have asked in a public forum but I am forced to. I go back four years down the grey memory lanes to find that you were born on a Ganesha Chaturthi day. We celebrated Ganesha Chaturthi in a colourful way recently in Hyderabad –

Ganesha

As you were born on Ganesha Chaturthi day, we used to call you our little Ganesha. And I have got my little Ganesha with me here today. His blue body symbolised that of Mahadeva, who turned Blue after consuming poison to save other Gods. This little idol symbolised you, who arrived in our life to make us forget all our differences and bring in harmony and peace in our otherwise black and white life.

You were our little Krishna, who grew faster as it seemed to us. Every day was so eventful. You have made our black and white life colourful one.

Kanha

Your pink face used to turn red when your mother used to cuddle you. When one would kiss you.

You grew faster than we wanted. We wanted to create golden memories with you and every moment was so bright, so colourful that I can not forget them ever.
I need to depend on my memory and these colourful pictures today to remember you in every walks of my life. My memory will eventually grow older and will get blurred. The moments that I have already captured with you are etched in my heart for good.

Now that you are staying with your mother, I have been carrying these golden memories in my heart. My life is again turned black and white. I remember your face deep in my heart whenever I am alone, whenever I see another child.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

The playful moments that both of us spent together are my treasure today. These are evergreen memories that I will carry for ever till I die. May be I will not be with you, but you will always be there with me.

Once again, even if it is belated –

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

Clipart from internet

Have a very happy and prosperous life ahead. All the best.

Happy Birthday – ‘Son’

Piku7

I don’t know whether I should be happy today. Because the calendar shows it is the day you were born –

Piku8

Or sad because I can’t meet you today.

Today I remember, how lovely that moustache made of milk used to be. How the Punjabi clad bangali babu have enjoyed those puja days. The moments  of playing with your favourite monkey doll or climbing the tree in your ‘mama bari’. Or that first proposal you have made to an unknown girl with a flower –

Piku3

You were the star. Always twinkling in joy and livelihood –

Piku 6

Not to forget those playful moments when you loved to be naughty –

27

Because I have only these memories for my life now.

Be safe wherever you are.

Piku4

You may be thinking why I am telling you all these here instead of meeting you and giving you your birthday gift. You will not understand the reason today, you will not know the meaning of custody or visitation rights. I didn’t want any of these to meet you like a stranger. So I have decided not to waste my energy on these. I am sure you must be very good with your mom.

Wish you all the success in life.

Wish you –

Piku 8

Life after Irretreivable Breakdown of Marriage (#IRBM, #MarriageLaw)

Marital life after #IrBM, #MarriageLaw.

AssumptionJudges divide the property acquired during the marital period 50-50 basis if left to them. e.g. 2 yrs marriage. Property earned during those 2 yrs equally divided.

Situations

  1. Men will marry women who earn equal to the man. Unemployed women will not get married. Love will not be a factor here.
  2. Since any property that the wife brings or is given during marriage becomes stridhan – all gifts given to both parties will be economically valued and both the parties will expect to get equal worth of gifts from the other party or will not give any gift at all.

  3. In the new situation, Household work is definitely better managed in a cost effective manner by maids, cooks, ayaas rather than wives. These businesses will flourish.

  4. The crime rate related to maids, ayaas etc will increase. People will commit theft, burglary etc when both the couple are out.

  5. Gifts given on each and every occasion will be economically valued and they will not have any emotional value. (imagine, on wife’s b’day husband giving her a ring worth 20K and expecting a return gift of same worth. Funny huh)

  6. Every gift item exchanged on each occasion needs to be legally documented with sign from both parties etc.so that no one can run away with other’s gifts in future. Legal expenses to go up.

  7. None can leave their job, because each one will expect the other person to contribute equally so that equal division of the property division don’t hurt anyone.

  8. If anyone loses job in the meantime, the couple will start calculating profit and loss..contribution etc.

  9. More and more couples will leave separate from each other in different cities as they can’t get a job in same city always. No marital relation and eventual divorce on this ground.

  10. More and more ‘extramarital fun’ as the couples are staying separate…no relation. ‘cos everyone will be afraid of a relation and tomorrow again they can be in different cities.

  11. Children (when parents are living together) will be raised by ayaas / creches and not by parents as both of them will be busy earning.

  12. Money will come in each and every decision of the couple. Leading to daily burns and petty quarrels. So more DV. Eventual divorce.

  13. Since the wife will not be pampered (or carefully pampered) they will not be satisfied with their husbands and their extramarital affairs will increase. So prostitution will increase.

  14. Husband even on getting all required proof of adultery etc can file divorce…but when wife sees her loss she will simply file IrBM and get div. Success rate in div will be ..Wife – 100%, Husband – 0%.

  15. Children will definitely not get a good home. They will be sent to foster care. (well who knows how those homes will be)

  16. Children away from parents – will increase children related crimes.

  17. Maintenance will be redundant as both partners will work.

  18. People (either married or unmarried) will be unhappy in general. Psychological disorders (coupled with daily stress) will increase. Hence demand for psychologists.

  19. Unlawful sex will increase but don’t think illegitimate children will increase…’cos ppl will be cautious. Also the illicit fathers will have to pay maintenance.

  20. Sex workers will be on high demand..their rates will increase and we will see drastic need of Male sex workers…:P

  21. Number of rape cases (either male and female) will increase as more and more people will be sex starved. Sex parties will be common in cities.

  22. We will see child sex workers as well…because in the absence of their parents there is a potential that more children will be sexually abused …

I stop thinking at that..because I can’t imagine the horrible picture any more.