Polyamory, Cheating Wives

How to identify an adulterous wife?

Many a times I get questions from on how to identify infidelity in a married woman. Some unmarried men wanted to know how to know about adulterer and cruel women beforehand. Whereas cruelty and adultery or infidelity are two different things and the signs are also different but some of the signs can be matched.

To identify a cheating wife one needs to have good eyes and ears and a sixth sense that normally women claim to have. Also nowadays moral values of people are so degraded that many qualities that were not acceptable a few years back, have become acceptable today. For example, today’s youth are open to live-in relations and break up. Rather they want to celebrate break up and move on in life. Sticking to one girl / boy friend is considered passe’. Those who do that are considered losers. Pre-marital sex is no issue for most and both the sexes just want to enjoy sex and hence they get intimate even over a dinner. This sexual revolution is largely possible because of revolution in contraceptive methods and removing the taboo from sex, extra marital affairs and single mothers. Also in most cases the boys have to bear the brunt of maintaining illicit children they father or even did not (in adultery cases). So girls can engage in extra marital encounters very often and even without any protection.

To identify any woman in extramarital relation we need to understand the psychology that works in adultery. It is the desire to experiment. Experiment new things in life. Now the way sexual attraction works in these two genders are different. Men get attracted to women easily by their physical beauty, they do not consider other things that easily. Whereas a girl’s sexuality works very differently and it is more complex. When their was stigma associated to pre-marital sex, pre-marital pregnancy, abortion, sex outside marriage or single parenthood we did not experience so many adultery cases. But today things have changed a lot.

Let me tell you that even if your spouse had pre-marital sexual relations and you have evidences of all those relations, you will not have any legal recourse. So you just need to forget everything. But it is better to avoid such girls for your marriage. Such affairs may be fun during pre-marriage days, but it is extremely dangerous after marriage. In most of the cases, these lead to either suicide or murder or both. Even if the moral values of both the spouse are same, you really don’t want to run a prostitution racket from your home. Someone who was addicted to sex before marriage is likely to lose control again and get into adultery.

Now it may sometime happen that your wife was initially faithful to you and your family. But over the years she may get into some extramarital relation or you may marry a girl who already had a steady boyfriend. Nowadays boys and girls mingle freely, the line of control of friendship and ‘sex-buddy’ship is blurred. You never know when a girl is just chatting with a male friend in her closed room, or when they are getting physical.

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Everything you need to know about Adultery – Here

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When you live with a woman under one roof, you will always get those signals of infidelity of your wife. Some of the signs to look out for are –

  1. When she talk over phone for long time – You need to observe the trend, mark her words, expressions. It may so happen that she is just sitting in front of you and chatting with a male friend but tells you that she is chatting with her female friend. Now you may think that these happen only secretly, but it may also happen openly in front of your eyes. If you have already seen other manipulative attitude before, beware.

Now the discussion or sometime the voice from other side will tell you whether it is a girl or a boy. Don’t be too much picky initially. Just show as if you don’t care as it is better to just avoid these long calls for a few days while you just keep an eye on her but don’t tell her that you are doing so. If you are too much curious, you may just ask casually but never make it sound like suspicion. Then you start showing irritation and ask her not to do that when you are around, as you two are not having ‘quality‘ time together. If you are paying her mobile bills you will know whether her talk time is increased. She may tell you stories about how ill or in how much difficulty one of her family members or friends is but you should know what to believe and what not. Just make a call to them to express your concern as well to understand what the other side is saying. Make some points in your mind and verify them. Also if she laughs, grins etc while talking, you know it can’t be that the other person is in danger.

2. When the call comes at any hour of the day – Observe if the calls come only at one particular time of the day or just anytime of the day. To understand this, just change your own schedule all of a sudden, take sudden leave from office, change your working hours suddenly, come back during lunch or may be earlier than usual time. Never, I repeat never tell the reason to her. Just observe. You may be completely wrong in your suspicion. So wait. Patience is the key. Men / boys are very restless, they get restless when they are into adultery with someone else’s wife. So observe the trend.

  1. When she receives frequent SMSs – She will say these are from her female friend. Note the name. The name may change or stick to only her best friend. Allow this to continue while you just observe the timing and frequency and how long she takes to read each message, how diligently she reads the message, how her facial expression changes. Everything matters…EVERYTHING..Observe and remember. If you see that too many SMSs are coming then that may be a danger sign. Too many long messages can also be danger signs. Now she may forward some of those messages to you as well. Don’t be surprised if those are sexually explicit message. Nowadays sexual jokes between friends of different genders are very common.

If you see these SMSs are increasing and there is no sign of reduction, then raise this concern with her and note her answer. Do it a few times on different occasions and note the answers. Look for discrepancy there, but don’t let her know anything or don’t raise alarm bell. Always remember, only patience can help you.

  1. When that call / SMS started coming at odd hours, may be middle of the night or past midnight – There is a time that is very personal to you. Don’t ever allow anyone, including her family members to cross the line. If anyone sends her a message at 12 midnight and your normal time of sleep is 11pm, then ask questions. Well not too hard. Ask if someone is in danger. If it is happening too frequently, raise alarm, show dislike.
  2. When she never keep her mobile away from her, she carries it even to toilet – Does she carry her mobile to toilet even for small breaks. Does she carry it when she is going to take bath. Get alert. Ask appropriate questions and stay alert to see if she continues that. Sure sign of something fishy, and almost certainly it is some affair.

  3. When she lies to others for no reason – When you observe the pattern of call, SMS timing, call duration, her expression, words exchanged etc and the name of the other side she tells you, you need to decide what to believe and what not. To do that effectively you need to understand how she behaves with others around you over phone. How she talks with her mother, brother or may be colleague. If you observe that she is telling lies to others for no reason, be alert but don’t tell her anything. If this has been her habit you should have been cautious long back. If this trend of lying is recent, then start observing. If these lies are told to her nearest ones, be assured that she had been a frequent liar to you as well, but you may not always notice.

  4. When she misbehaves with you, for no reason – If you have nuclear family of only two of you and she misbehaves with you and the frequency increases, be cautious. Try to reason her out but no reasoning may be enough for her. When she behaves like this with your family members who doesn’t live with you that is second review point for you. Understand your value is decreasing in her life. If she becomes physically abusive and orally violent start recording everything.

  5. When you see problem between her parents – If she has perfect parents but suddenly there is huge rift between them and either her mother or father leaves the home, tries to commit suicide or do something drastic. Be very alert. It may be related to her. Try to know the reason but if she hides things from you, you should know that something is fishy. Now this will again depend on how well you know them, and for how long you know them and most importantly how you can analyze situations.

  6. When she tries to show that adultery / pre-marital sex etc happen only in lower or upper class – Did you see the headline of how a husband is murdered by the wife and paramour? Did you see how the husband has committed suicide for adulterous wife? If there is a news on newspaper, and you suspect your wife in adultery, please read the news to her. See her reaction. She will not react much, instead she will try to avoid this by saying – “This happens only in lower class or upper class etc” and move on. You know what she is hiding. This will work perfectly when you know she is having a tendency of lying for no reason.

  7. Mood swings – Do you observe her sudden mood swings? Well these may be hormonal issue and women have a lot of these issues nowadays. But some of these may be related to something that she is trying to hide something. Be cautious. Offer to take her to a doctor and see her reaction.

  8. When she gets violent if you touch her mobile – She is trying to hide something that is there in her mobile.

  9. When she does not want to change to a post paid number – Offer her to take a post paid number, you may offer to pay for that or take that number in your name but let her use that while you pay the bill. She will clearly protest and say NO. You know what is cooking.

  10. When she goes out to her parents house frequently – Do you see any change in this trend? Is it more frequent now without any reason? If she tells you any reason, before taking that against her you verify it yourself. Do you see her staying for long time in her parents’ house without any reason?

  11. Her parents lying to you – When they do it either they are habitual liars and hence you are already in soup. or they are trying to hide something very recent. Analyze if they have any recent crisis. Understand if it is for their daughter.

  12. When she avoids having Sex with you – If it is after first delivery, discuss this with her. Alternately offer to discuss jointly with a doctor. If she violently protests, give her sometime and then you consult a doctor. Is it deliberate? Did she ever ridicule or show disinterest while having sex? Or is she ridiculing you while having sex? If she does, tell her politely to change. try to make her understand. If she continues like this, openly says she hates having sex with you, or avoids all sex. Observe her closely. Is she masturbating on her own? Observe her. Clear sign of avoidance, cruelty and infidelity. Don’t ignore.

  13. Is she satisfied with sex – When a woman is satisfied, she ejaculates. How frequently does it happen? Do you still find her vagina dry even after long foreplay and is it different from what you used to observe earlier? Try to understand the reason. Mostly it is that, she is not interested. Did she ever complain that you have raped her? Or she doesn’t want to bear your child ever? NEVER ignore these signs, even if she has said these in anger. May be she is already cheating on you. Does she say after a sex – oh is it done..good go to sleep and quickly goes to sleep like a machine.

  14. When she forces you to use condoms when you are supposed to try for a baby – So, she doesn’t want to bear your child and that is clear. Even if she says otherwise, her action says she doesn’t want a child, either now or ever. Understand what is true, discuss and decide.

  15. When she suddenly forces you for sex, and ejaculate in her – If she is by nature avoiding type, and is cruel to you, avoids sex with you and forces you to use condoms and then one day you suddenly see her forcing you onto her to have sex and ejaculate within her…. and you get the news of a child in her after sometime, get the DNA test of the child done secretly. Do it within six months when you can take the baby out all by yourself and he / she can’t speak or react. Never raise this matter with her beforehand or raise an alarm. This is sure shot sign of her adultery.

  16. When she goes out with her friends but not with you – She is trying to avoid you. Don’t beg, have other girl friends. Is she jealous? If not, she has lost interest in you. It doesn’t matter to her if you are around. She starts avoiding you in movies, sudden get together etc. Discuss with her and try to find out reason.

20 When she avoids your family altogether – Does she avoid your family members phone calls? Does she criticize them for no reason? Does she always do that. This only means there is no value for your family to her. She has gone away from you.

  1. When she doesn’t accept name given to her baby by your family – She may not openly disagree, but you see she keeps the name of her choice, even the pet name. She completely ignores the traditions of your family and follows some strange tradition. Take guard, protest. If they vigorously protest, they all have gone away. May be her parents know of her adultery too.
  • When you are ill-treated / avoided by her parents as well – If they ill treat you for no reason, they are just using you and there is no value for you to them. They care only until you earn and take care of their girl. Retaliate if they retaliate harder and nastier, you know you have zero value to them. You may be given the worst room to sleep, you may be asked to sleep on the ground, or may be given only tea when you arrive hungry after a few days. Don’t ignore these signs of ill-treatment and protest.

  • When you see your wife showing her cleavage in public or becoming close to strangers – If this happens while she avoids sex with you, that means she is sexually not satisfied. Try to do something different, mend the ways..but if she does not. You know she is missing her paramour and is not interested in you, no matter what you do.

  • When she becomes violent – Does she shout when you take that call from office? Does she throw objects at home? Does she want to hurt you? Does she yell for no reason and say she hates you? Careful. If this change is recent and too much, this may be sign of potential criminal cases against you or a sign of forthcoming crime, may be murder.

  • She calls you up frequently, check where you are – If she does this without you being unfaithful, remember that she is actually cheating on you. The cheaters are very cautious and hence they try to confirm your whereabouts before they meet their paramour. So if you suspect anything, tell lies to her and verify her details instead. Be clever not to get caught on wrong side.

  • If you think this article was a useful read for you, please share this with others and spread this knowledge. You may also want to check my other articles as all of them are equally interesting.

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    Everything you need to know about Adultery

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    33 thoughts on “How to identify an adulterous wife?

    1. Now this is some space .. I see … is upfront and on the face …I have this question Partha .. say for example when we have detected the wife or girlfriend cheated on us .. she is one deadliest thing that could ever happen to mankind … what to do then ??
      A DNA test .. may reveal facts … and all the symptoms you mentioned may stand witness as to what is actually happening behind a husband’s back…
      what should a man do ?
      I think … we should understand the emotions of even the worst of a villain… and probably only then we can stop thinking of teaching him/her a lesson ! In the process of checking .. doubting .. spying and then coming to know one has been cheated.. we are loosing so much of positive energy .. which we could rather utilize in staying happy .. by forgiving and forgetting 🙂
      Worst is what ? Someone cheating on us ? We are not the fools ..the one who is cheating is a bigger fool!!
      A conman needs more help than one who is conned !! 🙂
      One Life .. live and let live .. they who cheat on us .. catch them let them know you know it and then say you still respect their identity and reasons can be any ..tell them there need be no curtain … speak out .. you need a fair solution for both to allow both be happy .. in future and need not have any reason to hide anything.. after all.. we are all owners of our lives .. why to hide ? 🙂
      I will frequent your site more often .. as I liked the boldness in your post .. people are scared to speak out hearts when they are standing alone … wrong and right is virtual and so is this entire materialistic world .. truth is death . 🙂 all matters how many people came to mourn ones death .. 🙂

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        1. Why make such a big fuss out of this? Today private detectives are hired to inquire the past and activities of your potential spouse. It is also classified as pre marital verification or character verification etc. Only fools don’t inquire past.

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    2. Honestly, if my husband treated me in a way that even closely resembled the above… I would not cheat on him… I would divorce him.
      And then thank my lucky stars for being single.
      This comes from a woman who has only been with one man – her husband and the father of her child.

      I understand that there may be cultural differences.

      However, do you have any idea how long it can take to recover from child-birth?
      Up to a year. And then intimacy can still hurt.
      If you doubt this, I will gladly send you a link to a birth video with only a single complication – and multiple complications can occur during birth. Watch that, THEN you (or any other man who wishes to challenge me on this) can speak again. 🙂

      Do you have any idea the hormonal changes women go through?
      Before / after childbirth, during menopause, due to work / family stress / depression or simply due to pre-menstrual considerations?

      Treating your wife with such suspicion is disrespectful and extremely counter-productive.
      Women enjoy being treated well emotionally, not just financially. If we are not treated well (for instance, with unwarranted suspicion) then we are simply not interested.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. no conclusion can be drawn if the above traits are seen only once in a while, but when that becomes habit, without proper explanation that becomes questionable. Also don’t equate your feeling with all other women’s feeling. If you are not interested, stay single as you are today and we are also not interested in anyone who concur your thoughts.

        Lastly I am not sure why you have mentioned about pregnancy and the pain women undergo, it will be better if you can clarify.

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        1. Excellent Partha, well said. When it comes to them, they blame ALL THE MEN for something being done by a MAN. When their times comes, they come out as “Not all wimmin are like that” shit !!!

          It’s a fact that Majority of Indian Wimmin are cunning, manipulative, egoistic, bitchy, rude, entitled, slutty, whorish and inherently suffer with low self-esteem and inferiority complex. Everything they got now, the so called independence, freedom, protection and security are “handed over” by MEN.

          Because our “Societal and Legal Double Standards” ALWAYS favor them (just because of their “gender”), they are showing their “true” colors. Wimmin have no problem when other Wimmin do skin show for money/luxuries/favors but they blame MEN for “objectifying” them. They can deliberately “dress” and move on the streets with “revealing” clothes to get unwanted attention and that’s not “objectifying” !

          Another big problem for us seems to be the “Manginas” among MEN. They support Wimmin for any thing wrong they do. Recently “Raveena Tandan” posted a comment blaming Hrithik Roshan and praising a female skin shower/escort (aka “celebrity) (I don’t want to even take her name). Is this the same Raveena Tandan who has been taught a “fitting lesson” by watchman and Residents of a Apartment in Bombay, on how to behave in public ! And now she comments on a Man, just to get attention; well knowing the fact that nobody will come after her, because she is a “she” and has “impunity” !!!

          It really wonders me how shameful, ungrateful and useless these Wimmin are !!!
          Wimmin should find themselves lucky to be able to “effortlessly” live and bask on the “effort, hard work and success” of MEN, ever since the evolution began.

          Examples:

          Power/Current/Electricity, Generator, Transmission/Vehicles/Cars, Locomotives/Transport, Telephone/Communications, Firearms/Bullets/Guns/Rifles/Pistols, Engineering, Stove/Refrigeration/Miro-wave/Washing machine/Dryer/Dish washer/Vacuum cleaner, Camera/Lens/Bio-Scope/Telescope, Medicine, Surgery, Diagnostics (X-Ray etc.), Computers, Typewriter, Press/Printer, Xerox/Photo Copying/Scanner, Web/Internet/Router/Modem/USB/Bluetooth, Television, Watch/Clock/Batteries, Fans/Air-Conditioner, Martial Arts/Karate, Radio/Tape Recorder/VHS/CD/DVD/Blue-Ray, Musical Instruments, Mathematics, Physics/Chemistry/Botany/ Zoology/Geography, Sewing Machine, Aeronautical, Shoes, Cigarettes/Matches/Lighter, Plastic/Couch/Sofa/Blinds, Sewage System, Tampon, Toilet paper !!! …
          Oh My GOD, the list doesn’t seem to end …

          Good work Partha. We Indian MEN should not Let these “only-good-for-breeding” species go loose, as they NEVER/EVER did anything useful to the Humanity.

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          1. I truly apologize on behalf of my gender if you think that majority of Indian woman are “cunning, manipulative, egoistic, bitchy, rude, entitled, slutty, whorish and inherently suffer with low self-esteem and inferiority complex”; I can assure you that that is not the case. I do not know what unfortunate experiences you have had but you cannot close your mind off and assume that all woman are the same, Indian or not.

            You do realise that “MEN” do not have any particular authority to be deciding whether or not “such independence” are to be “handed over” by MEN to woman, right? This is not INDEPENDENCE!! It is BASIC FUNDAMENTAL RIGHTS!!! That is the whole point behind empowerment of women. Men and woman are both HUMANS at the end of the day and deserve the same RESPECT and DIGNITY. These are not defined or constrained to a particular gender but are applicable to each and every person be it a child, man, woman, old, young, etc. It is NOT the inherent right of men to decide whether or not woman have the right to do anything. Objectifying woman as “only-good-for-breeding species” is the most sexist remark that can be attributed to a woman and is against everything a democratic country stands for. Our forefathers specifically included Article 15(3) to the Indian Constitution which authorizes our govt. special power to create provisions for women and children FOR THEIR UPLIFTMENT from such sexism. Woman have worked tirelessly to make their way up from such a narrow minded world and there are countless examples:
            Marie Curie made invaluable contributions is radioactivity, Maria Telkes, Ann Tsukamoto in stem cell research, Grace Hopper invented compiler for Computer programming, Rosalind Franklin – DNA Double helix, Melitta Bentz – revolution of coffee maker, Katharine Blodgett involved in various uses of lens and has countless contributions in the invention of various military equipment’s, Stephanie Kwolek inventor of the Kevlar, Dr. Shirley Jackson – Research that lead to the invention of all things in telecommunication, Hedy Lamarr, Sarah Mather inventor of submarine telescope and lamp and many many others.

            Think of your mother, sister, nieces and friends. Your mother was not selfish when she gave birth to you, was she? Your sister was not selfish when she tied a rakhi on your wrist, was she? Do you want them to be treated as a slave? Do they not deserve to make their own choices? Do they not deserve to be happy and be independent?Do their achievements not deserve to be acknowledged with the same respect a man’s would be?

            Also, regarding the pregnancy thing, I believe what Paddastoel was trying to state that actions of pregnant woman(and in my personal opinion ALL WOMAN) cannot be looked at with such suspicion; especially if they are not interested in having sex as having a child is both physically and mentally exhausting and such lack of respect from the husband’s side will only have an adverse effect on her road to recovery.

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      2. @Paddastoel, Oh Ya ! Why would a Husband/Man treat his Wife/Wimmin that way without any valid reason ? Why a Wimmin should be so reckless about the life-long relationship, from which she is the one who gets MOST/MAJORITY of benefits ? Why would a Wimmin even behave in such a suspicious way in the first place ?

        YES, it’s a absolute right of every MAN when:

        His Wimmin doesn’t treat him above anything else
        She doesn’t fulfill her role as a wife, while the MAN busts his back to provide for
        the family.
        She spends more time doing “other mundane” things, especially when the MAN is
        at Home and wants to have quality time with his “better half”.

        It seems you didn’t even read the post properly ! I guess replying to your kind of Wimmin is something like “throwing stone in shit” !!!

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    3. Wow, Partha!

      With the way your women and courts are “progressing”, perhaps India should petition the United States to be its 51st state? With the way things are going, India will be America’s twin sister in 10 years or so.

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      1. You pointed out correctly Bro. The Vote bank politics, Double Standards in Media/Society/Legal system and vested interests are responsible for this kind of Shit. As I already said, as long as the Wimmin don’t have to face any consequences, are not accountable for their actions and are given “free pass” to do what ever they want and can get away; They will continue to exploit.

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    4. Partha:

      I think men should also be on the look-out for brides who operate multiple accounts on social media websites and who use multiple telephone numbers, not to mention multiple e-mail addresses. Studies have shown that, to be specific, if a woman has either a Facebook page or Twitter account…she is more likely to have an affair.

      Studies have also confirmed that professional women are twice as likely to cheat on their husbands (because they often have wealthy men with status and power around them on a daily basis) than those who are lacking professional degrees or training.

      In addition, women who make more money than their husbands are also more likely to cheat on their husbands (because they feel entitled to do so).

      Studies have also shown that if your wife works at one of these professions…she is more likely to cheat:

      Physician or doctor (of any sort)
      Administrative assistant
      Teacher or professor
      Nurse
      Flight attendant
      Real Estate Agent
      Housewife

      As I surveyed the studies above, it occurred to me that cheating women are found in every demographic, every country, and in every social class. The rule of thumb has thus become: “If a woman can…she will. If she cannot…she won’t.” So, in most cases, it is just a matter of preparation meeting opportunity. I, for one, would rather remain single than to place my trust in such a fickle creature.

      Truly, this is a sad state of affairs and no man is immune to the ill-effects of an adulterous wife.

      Peace be with you

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      1. But I wonder …why is it that females of this generation are turning out to be sluts while it was not like this a few decades ago …neither in the US nor in India. I blame men as well . Previously men didn’t want or insisted a woman to have sex before marriage, this has changed with westernization. This westernization has cone from TV shows and american serials and series being catered to young Indian children who just a decade ago didn’t know the concept of relationship but this has changed …now kids want to be in a relationship under the influence of american pop culture and shows. If these channels had never been allowed in. Nothing like this would have happened. Fb is also a primary source for borrowing western ideas. The relationship status itself forced many Indians to search …what does it mean by relationship when Fb had come anew.

        The 3 things:
        American shows
        Feminism
        Facebook
        These days Bollywood has also changed and is openly encouraging pre marital sex among youth. Also the lack of traditional Indian values’ induction by parents has resulted into a more westernized generation than ever before.
        Popular Indian tele shows like Ramayan and Mahabharata are nowhere to be seen in any channel. Media is also highly engaged in selling sexual content. These all things have led the society to be more promiscuous.

        If destroyed will relieve us of all pains.

        Like

        1. @kashyap2016, don’t get me wrong but majority of Indian Wimmin are slutty, whorish and sex fanatics. We were able to keep them in control with tradition and cultural values. But as things are changed (lifestyle, metros, break down of joint-families, more jobs, government handing over favors and freebies to Wimmin at the expense of Tax Payer’s money etc.) and influence of western societies (read: Feminism), especially from Femerica (or America !?), we are able to see their true nature !

          Our Wimmin are the ones to manipulate, encourage (in the wrong way) and provoke MEN for their own desires/fantasies/lust. Make some time and read http://www.AngryHarry.com to find the facts.

          For example, just imagine, in our society; It’s NOT OK for a Man to “touch” a Wimmin but not vice-versa ! It’s NOT OK for a Man to look/stare a Wimmin but not vice-versa !

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      1. Amit..Call our helpline 08882 498 498 and speak with our volunteers. They may call you to nearby meeting and you can discuss the details with them in person. Let me know if you have any issues..

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    5. Hello sir.. I am 23 years old boy and I have read all the laws in marriage and rapes which have been heavily misused by women and many innocent men got punished for a crime which they didn’t commit.
      My question is sir I like a girl and she also likes me.. And I want to make her my gf but i am in hesitation that if anything goes wrong I would be branded as criminal where she would not be having any responsibility. So what precautions can I take before entering into friendship with her or I should stay single?? Hope you will reply. Thank you.

      Like

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