I was stripped by police in front of my daughter

waseem

Waseem with his toddler

Hi, I am Waseem from Anantapur district of Andhra Pradesh. I was married in March 2011. It was an Arranged marriage. Her parents approached my father and on one interaction we got married. Her father was a nice person so we did not verify her family details.

Soon after our marriage she started fighting with my family over trivial issues. She wouldn’t take any advice of my parents and always went for a clash with them. She even tried to leave our home or even threatened to commit suicide over petty issues. What was surprising was that she used to give us threat in the name of Circle Inspector of her nearest police station. When issues started to flare up between my mom and her, I took her to Hyderabad with me.

I thought everything would be alright then but things soon took a different turn. By this time she had conceived so my joys knew no bounds. But that joy was shortlived. Soon, she had to terminate her pregnancy for some complications and she was completely broken down due to this.

I was all alone in Hyderabad and didn’t have any option but to call in my mother to take care of her. But in-spite of my mother taking all care of her, she again started misbehaving with my mother.

My mom was completely heartbroken. She didn’t expect this from her. Even I was shattered by these relationship issues. There was no solution in sight so when her parents came to take her back with them we didn’t object. We gave priority to her well-being over everything else.

After sometime she joined me again in Hyderabad and was pregnant soon. But soon after she started complaining about health issues and went back to her maternal house. I thought it would be good for her and for the baby so happily agreed. But she didn’t seem to have any feeling towards my family. This was clear when she refused to come to our house for Bakri-Id celebration.

We were completely heartbroken as we wanted to celebrate with our new would be family member.

My daughter was born after five months and doctors suggested complete bed rest for the mother. So she preferred staying with her parents. After three months when she had recovered fully and we were about to come back to Hyderabad, she started demanding for a divorce.

I was completely shocked by this demand and didn’t know what I could do. I begged, told her to focus on the well-being of our daughter and made her agree to come to Hyderabad.

But things have worsened by then and I didn’t have a clue. She started demanding for divorce very often and over petty issues. She started giving threats in the names of the CI and different local politicians.

Gradually, I lost all hopes on her and so decided to give her divorce. Every time I saw our little kid, every time I played with her, I cried silently. I hoped that our little angel would be happy with her mother.

Since there was no solution to our matrimonial issues, I gave in to her demands of divorce. I gave her Talaq following Islamic rituals and started living separately.

Soon I was awarded with my wedding gift – a package of 498a, DV Act, 420 and CrPC 125.

Even though we cooperated with police from beginning, the CI who was known to them used to call my father and I very frequently to police station. He knew very well, that I worked in Hyderabad and traveling to Anantapur would create problems in my job. Despite that we had always cooperated with police even when the visit was only for showing our face to them.

On 23rd June 2016, my father and I were called for a similar discussion to police station. My father was asked to wait outside while I was taken inside CI’s chamber. I was surprised to see my in-laws there with my wife and daughter. During the discussion the CI started forcing me to take my wife back from the PS. I tried to tell him that there was no provision in Islam to take back a wife after Talaq but he didn’t listen. I realized that he wouldn’t listen to me so I kept mum. Soon he started threatening me of beating me up.

I didn’t know what to do. My little daughter was looking at me with big eyes as she did not know what was happening. My wife and in-laws were staring at me with disgust. I couldn’t take those stares, I looked downwards.

Suddenly, the CI asked me to stand up and to remove my clothes. I couldn’t believe in my ears. I slowly stood up and was trembling in an unknown fear. I didn’t know what to do when two constables forcefully took off my clothes in front of my daughter. I was shuddering there naked upto my undies with my wife and in-laws eyes piercing every inch of my body.

Seeing me almost naked like this, my daughter started crying. Her first hero was standing there in his undies trying very hard to cover his private parts and avoiding eye contact with everyone. Poor kid didn’t have any option but to cry.

Soon the CI took out a rubber padded bat and started beating me in front of my kid and others. There was no outside marks but inside I was getting excruciating pain. I cried, cried and cried. I was treated no better than a dreaded criminal. My in-laws and my wife were all eyes and my little one didn’t stop crying.

After sometime the CI stopped beating me and ordered me to dress up. I was not able to stand. There were hardly any mark outside but I was screeching from excruciating pain inside. After I dressed up, he called my father and advised him to make me understand to take my wife back in two days’ time.

My father didn’t know what happened inside the PS as he was outside. Since there were not visible scar he didn’t realize anything. I kept mum as I feared the worse consequences. My parents would have got heart attack if they knew what happened in the police station. We returned home by 10:30 pm.

After that incident I met DGP and Anantapur SP and complained against the CI. They assured action against him and I am still waiting for justice.

Was it only my abuse? wasn’t it abuse of my daughter too? Will she ever be able to remove the scar from her tender mind? My tears have dried today but not the unseen internal scars.

***

When Om Puri stopped acting for a while

om-puri1Today the demise of veteran actor Om Puri reminded me of our team’s meet with him and his little but significant contribution towards the cause of men’s rights in India.

When I read in newspapers about Om Puri’s estranged wife filing domestic violence case against him and his statement regarding the case, what struck me was his pain which many of us share. I saw a very honest remark without any attempt at political correctness when he spoke about the case being motivated out of greed.

I was surprised that he himself attended the call when I called him. When I told him about our NGO, he seemed a little excited. He was hoping if someone could help him in his distress. I didn’t know he would need help. A veteran actor of decades as a star, a celebrity who could boast Hollywood appearances would be vulnerable and would want help that our group could offer hadn’t crossed my mind. I used to think that alpha males have it easier and could wriggle out of situations given their social status and financial clout at disposal. The meeting was fixed for the next day itself.

Before the meeting, he was unsure whether he really wanted to talk to us about his issues. We were soon seated at his home and he arrived, limping. The chance meeting the Ghashiram of Ghashiram Kotwal or Arvind Velankar from Ardh Satya would have been too unreal for me and I was not expecting that, but at least I thought couldn’t it be Inspector of Pyaar Toh Hona Hi Thaa or the rebellious Sanatan of Maachis. It was a very different Om Puri. Real life was far too cruel for him.

Our conversation began as we told him that Vaastav runs a suicide helpline for men and provide help to men in distress.

“Yesterday I was contemplating whether I should take pills or hang myself” these were the words of the veteran actor in moist eyes. I did not see a versatile actor with an enviable profile of Hollywood feats in his kitty, but I saw a vulnerable human, like countless others whom we have counseled at Vaastav Foundation. It shook me and others listening to him. For the first time he spoke with us without his façade of acting. We realized he was putting an unreal face in disguised mannerism everywhere else.

He described the issues faced by him, in his estranged marriage, few financial details, his vulnerabilities as a man, issues faced by him and what transpired, problems fighting a litigation, difficulties in handling lawyers, complexities facing the judge, vulnerabilities engaging the police. Om ji was now flowing out with his matters almost like we were his closest childhood buddies. Above all, he was concerned that his son should not misunderstand him.

He called his lawyer and spoke about us. He was extremely at peril legally in that stage and he even wanted us to meet his legal team. Then he called his psychologist. Described us as ‘very positive boys’ and repeated it multiple times. That was the time when the psychologist also seemed happy, listening to his overjoyed child like enthusiastic conversation. Those few moments of joy, were quite familiar for us. Men who think they have no support and suddenly find strength in our group have numerous times displayed it in our group meetings.

We told him about the impending International Men’s Day on 19th Nov and if he had any message for men. He readily agreed for a video –

Today, I am happy that we could offer him some solace when he was most vulnerable and needed it most. When I got in touch with him again and congratulated him for his successes in his cases he gladly accepted my wishes.

As I have observed him, he had become bitter from within. He spoke with us about what came to his mind. He also tried to make amends for his acerbic statements but misandrist society didn’t understand those. He was bullied everywhere by the misandrist society which did not see it was equal party in his bitterness and hidden anguish.

When things turn bad, alpha males have it worse, but they hide it better than the rest. That’s the lesson, Om ji taught me. I am happy that I experienced in person, when at least for some time, Om Puri had stopped acting. That was better than anything I had seen of him onscreen.

Today, on his last day, I see a wronged man, a very vulnerable one.

May his soul attain peace. #AumShanti
By Amit Deshpande

om-puri

Om Puri with the Vaastav team

***

Amit Deshpande

Amit Deshpande

Amit Deshpande is the Founder-President of Vaastav Foundation. The prevailing misandry in society made him take up the cause of fight for men’s rights. He strives to highlight men’s issues which have been hitherto neglected. He appeared on TEDxTalk here.

Vaastav Foundation is an NGO working for Men’s Issues in Mumbai. It conducts weekly meetings in Borivli, Mulund and Vashi and is a part of the Men’s groups coalition in India under the banner of Save Indian Family. It runs a suicide helpline for men on 8882 498 498 where almost 100 activists from all over the country, operate the helpline round the clock.

***

MRAs on Om Puri’s death

Anupam Dubey

स्वर्गीय ओम पुरी का जीवन व उनकी म्रत्यु एक ज्वलंत उदाहरण है कि कोई भी पुरुष जब अपनी टूटती हुई गृहस्थी को संभालने का प्रयास करता है और फिर भी उसे जबरन, महिलाओं के छद्म सशक्तिकरण के लिए बने कानूनों  के मुकदमों मे फंसा दिया जाता है और उसके बच्चों से भी दूर कर दिया जाता है, तो कैसे उसका जीवन अपने ही घर मे एक अजनबी कि भांति अकेला और क्रूर हो जाता है। ईश्वर  उनकी आत्मा को शांति प्रदान करे।

Amit Kumar Gupta

When going gets tough – tough gets going. At times when celebrities shy away from issues like atrocities on men, OM ji was candid to share his heart and speak for men however distressed he was. This shows true mettle of a person he was. The strength he displayed in his character was also reflected in his act and in reality when he spoke of men’s issues. He is a true inspiration for those who hide behind feminism.

Saurabh Bannerjee

It was a few years ago when I heard about problems in his marital life. I was very sad that on a mere statement of his wife he was maligned in the media so badly. I always knew he was a thorough gentleman. He proved it by fighting in difficult times and winning back hearts of others. He was and always will remain in our hearts as one of the most versatile actors.

Navneet Sahu

Om Puri didn’t die, a father died just because of a greedy and adulterous wife. Before trying to make India great, our PM should make India safe for her men.

Chetan CSK

As a man, I am deeply saddened with the news of sudden demise of Om Puri ji. He was a victim of biased legal system and society. He was paying a hefty maintenance to his wife and son. Two years ago when we met him in his residence, he was very happy that someone was there to stand for him. From Vaastav Foundation we have invited him to come to our meetings but he could not come there for his celebrity status. If he could join us, we would have saved him today. I wish we could bridge the gap and come closure in some way. RIP to the great soul.

Marriage – no more sacred

martyrs-of-marriage

Martyrs of Marriage poster

Marriage in India were once considered as a sacred institution. Today, it can’t be deemed as sacred any more. Making criminal provisions for our family laws have criminalized marriage and now many husbands are forced to take the extreme step of committing suicide. A section of the society accepts the fact that the law needs to be changed but it never happens due to pressure from feminist organizations. The society is yet to be sensitized adequately about this kind of terrorism on Indian families.

To bring out this aspect of Indian marriages, Gurgaon based filmmaker Deepika Narayan Bhardwaj has filmed the pain of these unfortunate families in her documentary “Martyrs of Marriage”.

The film features a few stories of real life victims and expert opinions on the subject. Practicing advocates of different courts in India and retired judges’ were interviewed to being different aspects of the issue. All of them agreed that the law was being misused by many women and hence needed to be changed.

Martyrs of Marriage, popularly known as MOM among netizens today, is a documentary in English with Hindi subtitles. Some victim stories were narrated in Hindi with English subtitles. Deepika Narayan Bhardwaj is the sole Promoter, Filmmaker, Director and Writer of this documentary. In this aspect Deepika has shown good qualities of all the roles she had played in this documentary. As a first time docu-maker for a cause not generally accepted by the society, Deepika had done an excellent job and excelled in all fields.

This documentary comes at a time after a long history of misuse of dowry law (section 498a of Indian Penal Code). Even after many Supreme Court judgements, suicide of innocent families, arrests of elderly and infants together in such complaints no other filmmaker had so far taken up this cause for making a documentary. Earlier Suhaib Ilyasi, tried to make a movie “498a – A wedding Gift” on this topic but that never saw the path of theatres yet. In this aspect Deepika’s attempt is the first.

Since a documentary needs to be reviewed based on different parameters compared to those for mainstream movies, we will first discuss the qualities of Martyrs of Marriage (MOM) as a documentary film before coming to the point how she dealt with a very sensitive matter.

Other than the victim stories which were narrated by the victims or their families, Deepika used her voice over for the entire documentary. This is another unique feature of this documentary and was dealt with well. The narration was clear and rightly-paced so that the audience understands the complex legal matters. This went well with the interviews in the documentary as the victim stories also matched the documentary pace. Since it was an interview style documentary, the director did not have much options of showing her creativity with camera angles but she tried to include relevant stakeholders for each case and tried to bring out the suffering of the families of men.

The documentary used no dramatization as it was dealing with a very sensitive matter but the stories and emotions of the victims’ families hardly needed any additional dramatization. The heart wrenching stories of cruelty faced by these families were enough to keep the audience glued to the film for the entire duration. Coupled with this was the apt narratives on various judgements, crime statistics and explanations of legal terms that made the documentary easily understandable to all. This way Deepika had shown her in-depth research and objective approach to a highly sensitive issue.

Since the documentary was on suffering of families and involved sensitive handling of people’s emotions, the use of music and appropriate sound effect or even silence to highlight those emotions.

Even though the documentary was primarily to show the unheard stories of men’s families, the filmmaker did bring out opposite viewpoints along with legal experts’ views as well. The documentary brings out the pains suffered by women relatives (sisters, mothers, daughters etc) of men as well. Women like Uma Challa was candid in expressing their views on a law that was made to empower women like them. It was indeed interesting to watch how a woman director handled this matter in a way that didn’t set to create a gender war that is otherwise visible in any feminist filmmakers work.

This documentary not only brings stories from the husband families but also shows some real life recorded conversations of wives to show how some women are blatantly misusing Indian legal system. These conversations are sufficient to show the terrorism unleashed on many Indian families. To show the craziness of modern day divorces in India, this film also shows relevant news videos.

Overall, as a documentary film Martyrs of Marriage could successfully bring out the real issue of legal terrorism against innocent families and the helplessness of Indian judiciary in dealing with these matters. Also in order to bring out the pain of men and their families, Deepika was careful about not creating a war against her own gender. Feminist interviews taken for the film show real intellect as feminist like Ranjana Kumari self-exposed herself in such a manner that even in a serious heart wrenching film like this left its audience burst out in laughter at Ranjana’s response.

The real review of the movie came from the audience who attended the Bangalore premier on 19th November, when there was absolute silence for at least one minute after the movie ended before the entire crowd stood up in standing ovation. We wish Deepika and her entire crew all the luck and best wishes for their next documentary which will be on another men’s issue.

***

This is the reason creating another criminal provision for marital rape will be dangerous for India

Criminalize Marital Rape

Indian Govt. is mulling the option of bringing a comprehensive law against marital rape by husband. As the news reports say, that on 4th Dec Congress MP Shri Avinash Pande has brought a private bill “The Indian Penal Code (Amendment) bill”. The bill sought to remove exception (2) under IPC 375 to criminalize Marital Rape. Govt. however has confirmed that it is waiting for a Law Commission report to deal with this sensitive matter in a comprehensive way and to bring a comprehensive law against it.

However, bringing a separate criminal provision against marital rape is thought to be another nail in the coffin of Indian marriages. What Mr. P J Kurien has said in the parliament (“…if you think rape by a husband is a crime, why should the govt wait for a report?….”) is a dangerous thought in itself. This makes it clear that the amendment is going to be one sided that will consider only men as rapists whereas women can be rapists too. Many activists are up against this notion of the parliament that refuses to accept women as criminals.

Clearly for men, when not accepting wife’s proposal for having sex may lead to impotency charges against him, this new law will give his wife a chance to force her unwilling husband to have sex which otherwise should have been considered as rape if the amendment was gender neutral.

Journalist and ace writer Dr. Partha Chattopadhyay in his latest book Purush had already expressed his fear of women taking revenge against their husband if marital rape becomes a law. He has shown that libido is different for different individuals. So the sexual drive of a husband and a wife may not match and many a times the intercourse may be termed as rape by a revengeful wife. He had also expressed his concern that when the woman has sexual overdrive and forces her husband to sex will not be accused in such crimes ever.

Mr. Radhikanath Mallik, pioneer of Bengal’s Men’s Rights Movement has expressed his concern over this proposed amendment as well. He said now men will not want to marry.

This law is nothing but an attempt to term all common Indian men as rapists and break more families. So far it was to make them dowry seeker, but as the stigma of 498a is gone now a new extortion tool called Marital Rape is brought.

Mr. Mallik expressed his concern and wanted to ask the lawmakers the following questions –

  1. Do men need to install CCTV cameras in their bedrooms and film all sex tapes now?
  2. Do they need to take consent to have sex from their wives in any format?

His concern echoed by other activists working on the same and everyone has said that when such a crime cannot be proved and when there will be no punishment for false and frivolous complaints how can the govt. think of such a provision? Clearly the sole aim for this new amendment is to term every common man as ‘rapists’.

Radhikanath Mallik says, these kinds of laws don’t affect lawyers and politicians. They get easy exemption. Only the common middle class men are affected badly.

However, so far none of the activists can think of another greater danger. The men accused under marital rape may be denied passport, other govt. schemes and also from getting jobs. Recently, a judgement stated that any person even accused in a criminal case cannot be taken into police forces. With increasing misuse of 498a and frivolous complaints under such acts against extended family members, taking away job opportunities from many men.

Men are still considered as the provider and protector of their family and with changes they will fail in their roles and will be looked down upon. Many will commit suicide out of frustration to their lives. Not only men will increasingly be discouraged to have families of their own, even women will not find suitable life partners. Men not entering into certain job roles will increase job opportunities for women but then women will need to marry less qualified or even unemployed men. These changes will increase women’s responsibilities.

Since feminists are also pressurizing the govt. to name and shame rapists, these persons accused in false marital rape cases on divorce may also be shamed and many of them may lose their existing jobs. Such complaints will also debar them from getting future jobs as companies may not be ready to employ rapists in their roles.

Today, job roles and expectations have changed so much that women can equally take up any corporate job and perform equally well. Since women cannot be charged in these complaints they will never get rapist tag and those criminals will infest our workforce. However, men not able to enter the workforce will reduce the number of available employable people and will lead many companies to leave India. For this reason, Modi’s great India dream seems only to be farce.

So far, in all national and international debates Indian MRAs have already proved beyond doubt that existing provisions under different IPC sections are enough to tackle the crime called Marital Rape and there is no need to create another IPC section for that or to consider that as equal offence as under IPC 375. MRAs have also demanded any law be made gender neutral so that even women sexual predators can be brought to book, but our lawmakers have turned a deaf ear to these proposals. The reaction from our parliamentarians also does not seem to make this new law gender neutral in any manner and consider women as offenders too. This is sure to create huge disturbance in Indian families and marriage and create a greater sense of frustration among our youth.

With increasingly unstable future, bleak job scenario, fear of being termed as criminals in every walks of life will cripple Indian society. Prostitution (both male and female) will increase as families break and India will soon to observe a situation like anarchy. If India is still not reacting to this danger – that proves beyond doubt that we are extremely tolerant, probably Indians now need to be really intolerant to show that they are concerned about their future.

***

My Caged Life – My wife threw acid on me

[“My Caged Life” is a new series which is the first attempt of its kind in India to bring the agony of men and their families who underwent arrest and illegal detention in different false criminal cases mostly under Indian dowry laws. All these stories are told to The Male Factor team by these victims and their families. Names are changed in all cases to restrict legal implications.

If you were detained illegally in any criminal case without proper investigation or on any false complaint, please contact us through the “Contact Me” link of this website and tell us your story. This series will be published on every Saturday on this website.

Read all stories under “My Caged Life” – here.]

Part 1    Part 2

Previous

Splashing[What happened before – As I have caught my wife in adultery, she occupied my rented flat with her boyfriend. One Friday evening in 2011 when my parents and I were preparing to celebrate my birthday the next day police came to my parental home and caught me like a criminal in the full glare of my neighbours. In police station I was made to stay with a drug addict and a thief. Police tortured me in all possible ways on the basis of my wife’s false complaint and even my wife was allowed to join them in questioning me. They used to tie me in a rope with two other criminals and take me to govt. hospital and court.

Police and my wife opposed my bail plea in 498a despite me assuring them full cooperation in investigation and giving them a list of articles that were still with me. My wife produced a false list to the police and police continued their torture based on the false list. Finally after seeing all documentary evidences produced by me the honorable court granted me bail. But my wife was not happy.]

We returned from court and that day was the start of a new life for me. A man who has seen jail without committing any crime. A man who had been with a drug addict and a thief and shared a toilet with them. I was running high risk of contaminating diseases. I did a medical examination of mine and by god’s grace I was found negative of any such disease.

We started our normal life and I have joined my office. Convincing my office was not easy. Thankfully my manager was aware of such law misuse and he had saved my career.

Next six months were normal for me. My rented flat was near my parents’ house. Everyday I used to see my wife and her boyfriend going out. She was having a good life but inspite of that she had filed a petition for maintenance which I opposed and the honorable court had stopped ordering the maintenance in the meantime. I did not realize that action of mine would have pissed them off.
It was an evening in April 2012 when I was returning home late night around 10 pm. I saw someone standing at a distance on a bike. When I came near, I saw her boyfriend. Having stayed in same locality for years we knew each other by name. He was a person known for his rowdism. As I came closer he called me by my name.

I wanted to avoid him under all circumstances. I was not comfortable seeing him brazenly misusing my family and ruining my relation. But I was restrained by law – a behavior typical of any law abiding and peace loving average Indian citizen. But his call was not to be ignored either.

As I went closer, he said in Bengali–

  • Listen, I am fucking your bitch every night and you can’t even do a shit about it. It is not good that you are not paying her maintenance, which is her legitimate right. Next day in the court you will stop this drama and agree to pay maintenance that she is asking. Okay.

It was an order for me. Order from a criminal and I was supposed to agree to that. I was not sure what to do. I was burning in anger and frustration. How dare he could utter those things to me. I felt like punching the bastard in face and smashing it. But for a peace loving and law abiding citizen it was too much to think about.

So I answered calmly –

  • We will see what the court decides. Ask her to give me divorce if she wants to stay with you. Why does she want my money and stay with you?
  • Oh is it? Okay, then suffer the consequences…

He said it, hit me with something in chest and then fled the place.

I didn’t realize what happened. But soon I felt extreme pain in my chest and stomach. My dress was flooding in my own blood and I started writhing in pain and started rushing towards my home shouting for help. One kind neighbor who was incidentally passing by, gave me a lift on his bike till my home.

We went to the police station that night after first aid. Police registered the FIR and asked me to go to a govt. hospital for a medical report as the FIR needed a medical report to be attached.

We were at a loss on how to come out of this danger in my life. Police was not doing anything on my FIR for months. We went to SP, DSP of police for his arrest and finally on the order from higher officials the local police station took step to arrest him. But before they could arrest him they called me for a TI parade to identify him.

He has taken exemption on the first day of appearance under medical ground and the date was further shifted. Next time he applied for a bail which we opposed in the court. His bail plea was rejected the final date of his identification came near.

I was hopeful of his arrest now.

I started my normal life and in one evening as I was coming home from office I saw my wife waiting on the road on someone else’s bike. They were standing at a distance. Since there was no alternate road for me to take, I have crossed the road to avoid facing them. They drove near.

I heard my wife shouted at me-

  • This bastard will not budge in. He will go to identification parade. He doesn’t know what we can do to him.

I was just trying to avoid any altercation and tried to cross them in a hurry. They came near and my wife threw something at me and they sped away.

Everything happened so sudden that I could not understand what happened. But moments after I felt burning feeling all over my face, shoulder and chest.

I started shouting for help as I fell on the road hoping someone would come to my rescue. I can’t express the unbearable pain and burning feeling I had. Luckily for me houseowner of a nearby house saw this and was quick to respond. He brought bottles of chilled drinking water and ice from his fridge and poured that over my head. Even today I thank that family for their quick response. I got some relief from the burning.

They took me to a nearby hospital where I was admitted. Even after all this I had difficulty in filing a case against my wife for pouring acid over me. But it was finally registered.

In-spite of all these cruelties, the 498a against me was still running and cases against her or her boyfriend was not moving. I failed to understand where was the justice for peace loving and law abiding Indian citizens? I started questioning if matrimonial relations were really sacred? In marriages, on a simple false complaint a husband can be arrested but police can’t take any action against the adulterous wife or her boyfriend who openly threatens or tries to murder the husband. Probably marrying a girl is the biggest crime an Indian man can commit.

I wonder why is ‘marriage’ called a divine relation in India. Still today I am looking for an answer. If you know, kindly tell me.

~~~ The End ~~~

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My caged life – Story of a male acid attack victim (II)

[“My Caged Life” is a new series which is the first attempt of its kind in India to bring the agony of men and their families who underwent arrest and illegal detention in different false criminal cases mostly under Indian dowry laws. All these stories are told to The Male Factor team by these victims and their families. Names are changed in all cases to restrict legal implications.

If you were detained illegally in any criminal case without proper investigation or on any false complaint, please contact us through the “Contact Me” link of this website and tell us your story. This series will be published on every Saturday on this website.

Read all stories under “My Caged Life” – here.]

Inmates in hell

[What happened so far –

In 2011, when my family was planning my birthday and enjoying themselves, local police barged into our house. They showed my arrest warrant and pulled me by collar in front of all my family members and curious neighbors. My birthday turned into a nightmare for all of us. My mother fainted in police station after they abused me in filthiest possible language] Part 1

The Police officer was rude as usual as if they have caught a hard wired criminal. Very soon they asked my family members to leave the police station and stop the “drama” there as after arrest only a court could give me bail.

My parents left after my mother regained consciousness. I was looking at them in despair from behind the bars as I was feeling every moment that my father could have got a heart attack too. Luckily he did not. They were not able to walk out and the policemen were all emotion less.

As a kid I have always looked at this beautiful world in the eyes of a child wonderer who wanted to explore the beautiful world. I belonged to a moderately established respectable family from New Alipore, Kolkata. My father was a govt. employee who could not afford much luxuries in our lives but my mother was happy raising two of us within the limited resources she had. They both wanted to see me happy in my life. So they were happy to get me married after I got a good job in a private sector company. They were hoping to see a bright future for their small but happy family.

But I knew their dreams of a better life for their son has ended with this arrest. My software and hardware degrees and a job as a hardware and networking engineer in a private farm seemed to be in doldrums. All the dreams that we ever had was shattered in no time.

I was not sure how long I kept my eyes closed and cried vigorously within me. I couldn’t see my parents in pain. I was blaming Lord Shiva for bringing this day to us. I was questioning my belief if the Lord really existed?

The cell had only one toilet and the other two inmates was frequently going there. The drug addict was vomiting several times and cleaning that with a piece of cloth without water. I felt like vomiting too. It was like I was truly in a hell made by our own people.

The police had given me some clothes to wear. But all of those were stinking like hell. By wearing those itself felt like me living in a gutter. The hardware and networking engineer who always lived in a decent neighborhood and raised with clean habits it was more than an experience of hell. There was no difference between me and a hard core criminal who were not literate. Probably they were better off because they would not have had the feeling of insult, cruelty, loss of family reputation, danger of losing their parents or job. I had all of these. I died every moment in utter shame that I could not save my family reputation. The drug addict was crying the whole night in pain due to non-availability of his drugs. A big fat rat was frequently visiting the cell in search of food as I looked at them blankly. I could barely get to sleep. Probably I got some sleep in early morning hours.

My birthday in 2011 started in hell.

I didn’t know when I woke up. The police gave me some food cooked in their kitchen. The first glimpse of the food itself made me vomit. I was better dying of starvation.

After the morning breakfast on first day, the IO came to the cell. He started questioning why I was illegally keeping my wife’s articles and not returning them to her as she had complained. I informed him that I had already given the list of her articles with me and I was more than willing to return all those articles. But police never came to my house to retrieve them.

With this the IO became more attacking and started abusing me in filthiest possible language. I wished I were the drug addict without any senses or if I could die at that instance. Good that my parents were not there. Otherwise, they would have died at the spot hearing those abuses.

After a few hours, one policeman came in and tied a rope around all three of our waist like criminals and took us to a govt. hospital for check-up. I was walking with two other criminals, tied alongwith those in the full glare of others.

This was the routine for every single day I was in police custody. All hospital staff used to give me a strange look. They used to ask me how I had tortured my wife. I was no better than a criminal in their eyes. All my education, corporate job, social reputation went to gutter. I had become a pound of flesh who could walk and talk. The human soul inside me died an early death.

Second day in my custody was the day of Mahalaya (auspicious start of Durga Puja). My wife and her family visited me in the police station to check me in custody. The IO told me that he wanted to go to my home for streedhan (property of a wife) recovery. I repeated that I was willing to return a few of her articles with me and rest were already with her in our rented house that she was occupying with her boyfriend.

Some of the articles mentioned by my wife as Gold ornaments were actually imitation jewelry. But police kept on pestering for recovery of original gold jewelry from me. They gave my wife a chance to interrogate me in front of them in police custody and she continued with all her false allegations. Since the interrogation was fruitful, IO informed my wife that he was going to vehemently oppose my bail plea in the court and ensure that I stayed there until the end of Durga Puja.

This routine of torture continued for a few days until the day of producing me before the magistrate came. I was made to stand in the witness box along with many other criminals whose bail hearing was up for that day. My wife and the public prosecutor opposed my bail plea vehemently as all streedhan articles were not recovered. But the magistrate granted me bail seeing my previously submitted list of articles and willingness to return a few that I had with me.

I was devastated by the ordeal of the police procedures in those days. My family members broke down in tears in the courtroom. I held the railing of the witness box and tried hard to control my emotions but in the end gave in to a tsunami of emotions. Other criminals were staring at me in amazement. Someone commented “saale ne apne hi biwi ka cheez churaya” (he stole his own wife’s belongings).

My sight of the courtroom was getting blurred as I saw my parents and sister hugging each other and crying like children. Each one of them wanted to pacify the other but was not able to control their own emotions.

My wife and her family left the courtroom in disgust. Her eyes giving the signal that her revenge was not over yet…

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Marital Rape – Even Gandhiji could be an accused

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In ‘The Story of My Experiments with Truth’ Mahatma Gandhi, the Father of the nation has candidly described his personal life. He has expressed his shame many a times about the Child Marriage and the domestic violence he had committed against his wife. Even though Gandhi himself was a victim of child marriage and lost one whole year of his study, his description of his personal sexual life was quite shocking.

In his article – “My father’s death and my double shame” he wrote this to describe the night of his father’s death –

“It was 10:30 or 11 pm. I was giving the massage. (to his father in his deathbed). My uncle offered to relieve me. I was glad and went straight to the bed room. My wife, poor thing, was fast asleep. But how could she sleep when I was there? I woke her up..”

His wife was pregnant then and he described the result at the end of this article as “I may mention that the poor mite that was born to my wife scarcely breathed for more than three or four days. Nothing else could be expected. Let all those who are married be warned by my example“.

Going only by his description, we find this act of a husband clearly falls under Marital Rape category. If feminists existed in his time even Bapuji could have been accused of the same. Simply expressing shame and guilt for such acts is never enough and today feminists are demanding at least seven years imprisonment for this kind of acts by husbands.

Psychologists however, find it is highly normal for two persons having different sex drive or libido. While they could identify many psychological and physiological reasons for low libido, someone having a high sexual desire is also explained by them.

According to Sex therapist and New York Times bestselling author Ian Kerner, PhD , “sex can be a form of self-medication for some individuals suffering from anxiety. Low self-esteem, unresolved shame, and other entrenched feelings can increase sex drive as well“. The same is true for men as well as women.

While we clearly understand that Gandhi’s was probably a case of Marital Rape, but we can’t just judge such situations based on our perceived definition of rape.

To explain this, we need to consider that the year in Bapu’s story was 1885 when Bapu was only 16 years of age. Like any other teen he wouldn’t have had enough knowledge or education about sex at that time.

Sex being a taboo in India, most Indian youth face the same problems even today. Youth sexual drive is anytime more and psychologists explain this phenomenon as rage of hormones in youth. This is also true for all couples in the initial few months of marriage and almost all psychologists term that behavior as normal.

While child marriage could have aggravated the problems in 19th and 20th century, the situation is much improved today from child marriage perspective. However, in terms of getting knowledge in sexual matters Indian boys still depend on their friends who are equally ignorant. The other source of information is pornography which is even worse. Today’s youth live in a highly sexualized environment (thanks to the feminists) and often can’t decide their right sexual behavior.

As a society, if we blame these men completely for not having enough knowledge about the right or wrong sexual behavior, that is only a fault with us. Our first responsibility is to train our youth about the right and wrong behavior, orient them to the acceptable differences in partner’s sexual choices, rather than criminalize everything in a relation and making the relationships more complex. In case the partners find their sexual drives not matching they can always go for divorce. Punishing one of them with seven years of imprisonment with a rapist tag will completely ruin one’s life. We surely don’t want our future Gandhis to waste their time in jail, simply because their libido didn’t match with that of their partner’s.

Why global community is so interested about Marital Rape in India?

Looks like global community is more interested about marital rape in India. We are not sure why.

It started with CNN and BBC publishing about Rape in Indian marriages around women’s day this year after failed attempt of BBC with its India’s Daughter documentary. More is explained here –

What Indians need to know about Marital Rape

The debate started with some global surveys that portrayed that 75% Indian housewives are raped by their husbands –

The Telegraph on Marital Rape in India

However, in a survey conducted by Indian Men’s Rights groups it was found that 37% Indian husbands did suffer from frequent sexual abuse in marriage too, but that was never covered under any survey –

Men Sexual Abuse, Marital rape of men

Now let’s consider the data that 75% Indian housewives are raped by their husbands to be true. There was another survey done by United Nations Framework for Population Analysis (UNFPA) in 2014 that showed this –

UNFPA Reporting Intimate Partner Violence, IPV

The above graph if considered to be true shows that women don’t even understand that they are raped by their husbands. So it is natural that they don’t reveal the same in surveys and if this is believed then it becomes evident that in reality the number of raped housewives is more than 75% as captured by UNFPA survey. This shows that actually almost all Indian wives may be raped and that includes those of you (men) who have become mad to punish the rapists by death penalty or castration or any other cruel punishment. This also includes your father, brother, son or other male members of your family.

Marital Rape debate on News AsiaRecently, there was a marital rape debate on Singapore based News Asia channel. If you see the debate from the link on the left hand side, you will know that in-spite of rape in marital relations being included under several sections as a crime international media and organizations like UN is showing that it is not a crime. The anchor has clearly shown bias when he presented the program and he was continuously pressing a wrong perception through to his audience that marital rape in India is not a crime for men.

Even though the Men’s Rights Activist on the show clarified multiple times that the fact was different, still the anchor insisted that it was not. It makes it very clear to everyone that the international community has vested interest in making marital rape another section and that is nothing else but breaking our families and making Indian men, like you dear reader or your son or your father – as rapists. Because when it becomes clear from the data above that UN is showing almost all Indian housewives as raped then you or all those men who went out ever in support of women’s rights are actually rapists. So if you have ever supported death penalty or castration or any other cruel punishment to rapists, UN says that it is time that you execute them in your home.

Another shocking fact is that the NewsAsia anchor said 2/3 rd of housewives are raped instead of 75% as was revealed earlier in newspapers. Is it simply a mistake? Surely NOT.

This happened after we have shown the mirror to those male feminists who have been raping their wives without their knowledge but UN surveys came to know –

Tweet about marital rape

After male feminists have realized that the feminists are eager to term them as rapists too, and stopped feminist agenda; feminists are deliberately trying to show lesser statistics so that they still get support from some fools. And hence, the NDTV HINDI debate on marital rape showed that 30% Indian housewives are severely raped and never mentioned about 75% stat and now the Singapore channel is showing it even lesser.

Dear reader, it is clear that feminists want to make every single man in your house as rapists. The men who could have gone out to demand death penalty for rapists. That will include, you, your father, son brother or other male members. Not only international media is trying to show India as rape capital, they have funded National Family Health Survey (NFHS) too, so that such finding get local stamp –

MRA RTI on NFHS funding

This analysis shows that there is unexplained vested interest in global community in terming Indian men as rapists. Now if you want these global agents to come and castrate your son or chop off his genitals tomorrow you are welcome to support feminists and these terrorists. The women who you wanted to save earlier is ready to castrate you today.

Careful!!

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Martyr of Marriage

Dr. Subhodeep Khan

A bright doctor from West Bengal was forced to commit suicide for legal terrorism. May his soul rest in peace.

Save Bengali Family

10172629_436063013236339_3893870118437447521_nSubhadeep was a young 32 year old doctor . He was a brilliant student and was a fine person.

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Subhadeep was a kind and generous person who was dearly loved and respected by his family, friends, colleagues and patients.

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Subhadeep was the senior medical officer in charge of the ICCU wing of Burnpur SAIL Hospital. He  primarily handled patients requiring critical care . He was an excellent doctor and was rewarded for his performance by SAIL for his excellence in patient care. Subhadeep has saved thousands of lives and has always spread joy to all who have had the chance to meet him.

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He got married three years ago after which things began to go wrong and Subhajeet and his family became subject of Legal extortion. Ruma Khan, the wife of Dr Subhadeep Khan, had lodged an FIR at Kulti police station alleging that she was being mentally and physically…

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Amnesty International spreading misandry

Amnesty LogoAmnesty International is spreading huge misandry in different platforms. In a campaign for women safety they are spreading lies like only 1% of rape cases in India are reported. They have drafted this petition (shown below) and asking everyone to sign and send that to police  –

In this petition Amnesty is claiming that “according to govt. data” only 1% of sexual violence cases are reported in India.

Amnesty

Click to enlarge

In this, they have not mentioned which govt. data they are referring to. If there were really some govt. data existing then Amnesty would have clearly mentioned that here. Their not mentioning of the specific source they are referring to shows that it is a complete lie they are spreading through many people by making them sign on the petition.

Even after working on India’s crime data for last three years I have never come across any such govt. statistics/report saying that only 1% of rape cases are reported and I am not going to believe the same unless I see the evidence of govt study (the mean report in full).

Even if we consider Amnesty’s claim to be correct and do a little bit analysis of crime data from the year 2011 (the year is chosen as 2011 as this is the year of our last census) we will know –

  1. Total number of rape cases reported – 24,206
  2. Average arrest made on a rape case – 1.2

If only 1% rape cases (in sexual offenses I am excluding other sexual crimes like molestation, eve teasing for simplicity of analysis) are reported then in reality there were approx 24 lakh rapes in 2011 and there were approx 28.8 lakh rapists.

According to 2011 census we also find that there were approx 96 lakh (9.6 million) girls and approx 1 crore (10 million) boys taking birth every year.

Now if we consider that as yearly average of sexual crimes happening in India then we find that one in every four (1 in 4) girls are raped at least once in their lifetime. We also find that approximately one out of every four (1 in 4) men are rapists if we go by this stat. If I had included the data for molestation and other sexual offences this number would have drastically shot up, meaning almost every Indian man would have become a sexual predator.

This is a direct and shameless attack on Indian men by Amnesty International and a deliberate attempt to term them as sexual predators. If as an Indian you think anyone of your father, brother or other male relatives or male friends are not a rapist and there is absolutely no basis of this kind of data then you need to protest against this campaign of terming Indian men as sexual predators and India as the rape capital of the world.

As per global rape statistics in terms of per capita rape (rape per 100,000 people) India ranks 94th in the world (source nationamaster.com). However such attempts by organizations like Amnesty International is only to put India as the topmost country of rapes and thus demeaning Indian men.

If you have participated in this campaign in any manner or if you have promoted this in any forum without raising a strong protest against this, then you have just confirmed that either you, your father, brother(s) or your male relatives or friends are sexual predators and still not punished. If you think that is demeaning enough for you and for your near and dear ones please raise your voice against such campaign of lies in all quarters and demand immediate stoppage to this campaign.

This is not a campaign to stop violence against women but it is a campaign of spreading misandry and terming every Indian man as sexual predator including you as a man and your other male family members.

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