You would have read many articles on the net to avoid single moms. Most often these are MRA articles warning men against dating or marrying single moms. Even I have written articles on why one should avoid single mothers at all cost for a second marriage unless of course, the demise of her husband was really unfortunate, and you know her personally. In India, we still want to believe that feminism has not rotten women completely like the west. All these articles are from our experiences of handling divorce cases and from our knowledge of laws. Today, I will tell you more from the horse’s mouth. From Men in the west who married single moms, and the consequences they faced.
It all started when a man asked in a social media discussion if it was a good idea to marry single mothers. Members of the group started sharing their experiences and a wealth of information came out as to why men should not marry single-parenting women.
In a first comment, a member narrated his story of how a woman was looking for a financier for her and her problematic child. This man started dating the woman because she had a great body and she was good in bed, but soon her tantrums started, and he realized that she as a single-mother was looking more for a financier for her problematic child as she could not earn enough to sustain. So, when the man was looking for love, a companion for life, she valued him only because of his money.
Very often it becomes difficult for men to come out of such relationships, as they cannot come out of the need for sexual attraction and get into relationships where they are worth only their bank balance.
But if we think men only look for a woman’s sexual ability, we will make a mistake. This next man’s marriage to a single mother whom he loved despite her two kids, ended in a rather pathetic state. He loved the single mom, got married to her (without looking at how good she was in bed) but later found her in an extramarital relationship with another man. After 19-years of marriage, he had to break that and ended up raising her two kids and giving her alimony and HIS hard-earned money.
In his case, even though he loved the kids, raised them as his own kids the woman didn’t value his sacrifices. He wanted mental support a lifelong companionship, but in return, he only got treachery and extortion in return. As he had to raise her two kids, we understand that in this case, the single mother didn’t care for her kids as well.
This next man just dodged another divorced-mom who wanted to win him by sex but he got lucky by listening to his inner-feelings and he described the result six-years later –
This man’s experience of his fiance’ tells us, that those who want to win you by their sex appeal or the sex they provide in bed, should warn us men in no time. If one gets stuck with such women, he is likely to get into a bigger mess throughout his life.
The discussion was very much one-sided as we can see in the comments above. Mostly, men warning other men to avoid single-parenting women at all costs. Due to one-sided laws in all countries, it becomes a losing game for the man from the beginning. Even if we find such divorced mothers earning a good salary, they always choose men who are earning more than them, and in case of any problems, the lower earning woman always gets huge alimony – the hard-earned money of the man.
With single-mothers, comes the additional burden of their children. Men’s Rights Experts from around the globe warn men that single-mothers will always care for their children the most. It is in their genes, they carried the child in their body for 10 months and they have also raised those kids from the beginning. You as a man came much later in her life, so it is very natural for her to give maximum importance to her kids. Similarly, these kids will always love their mom first. Even in the case of biological fathers – unless one creates a good bond with the child, the child almost always loves the mother more than the father.
So, some men advise others – ‘don’t let her drama, become your drama’
In these experiences, most often we see the undue financial burden is thrust upon the man. A men’s rights advocate said, “remember these single mothers are trying to correct their already screwed-up lives in their second marriage. You are only an option to them, like many others”.
When we see single-mothers engaging in extramarital relations despite being married a second time, despite a man graciously taking responsibility of her with her kids, we understand how these women really treat men. Not only they don’t respect their partners, they just treat all men as options. Because their new sex partner is also an option for them.
These wouldn’t have become a problem for men if they have got an instant divorce in these cases with alimony from the cheating wives with adequate compensation for their wayward behavior. But those of us who are knowledgeable in these matters that a situation like this is only a distant dream. So, under such situations when women empowering laws, give them a bouquet of benefits only for being women, they are avoided at all costs. Now you can see that a law empowering a woman is very detrimental for them. Because no matter what, today men talk about avoiding ALL single-mothers. There is no exception. So, unless law punishes such women, this situation will prevail.
This next experience also talks about a single mom throwing her tantrums in her new relations. This is most damaging to anyone –
MRAs say when you marry a woman in her late thirties or one who has already seen a substantial part of her life and got accustomed with that, it’s not wise to think she will adapt to new changes in her life. A young woman tries to adjust, but it is not possible for very grown-up adults to change their lifestyle. In addition to this, when they know their all tantrums will be tolerated in courts and by the society, they expect you to tolerate those, too. Since these women do not get any attachment to your family, they very often hurl abuses against you and your relations.
Another very damaging factor that works in their mind is that they think they are great and all-powerful because they single-handedly manage the kid. Our society already elevates single-mothers to a status of great souls, when in fact, it was their choice to become single mothers and when in fact, it is these single-mothers who would have denied the biological father access to his children.
Now, here are some feminist viewpoints came out in the discussion, that I think should be discussed here. These points came both from a man and a woman, but teaches us a lesson or two in our selection criteria –
So, the point is, when a man tends to select a partner based on her sexual abilities and bodily features, why can’t a woman choose a man based on completely superficial characteristics? The lesson is more for men because, in our experience of handling divorced and single men, we found it’s men who are desperate to marry as compared to women. So, very often men end up evaluating a potential partner based on her bodily features and sexual abilities.
But it’s not totally wrong either. The biologists and psychologists have explained this behavior of partner selection very well. Men and women choose their sexual partners based on different criteria. While both choose the best genes in the other so that their offspring can survive longer – men see her sexual abilities so that she can give birth to a healthy child. A woman, on the other hand, sees a socially established man who can provide them with security. Remember, no matter how much feminists shout about equality, men and women never play equal roles in a family. Men still can’t give birth to children or breastfeed a child. So, their psychology acts differently too. Evolutionary psychologists explain these psychosomatic differences as a result of our evolution, which in most cases were decided by nature and not by patriarchy.
So, a man looking for a sexy woman as a potential mate, only means he in his subconscious mind looking for a woman who can give birth to strong and healthy children. Similarly, a woman always looks for better security from her life partner. That’s why we see female celebrities marrying other celebrities who earn more than them.
But men should also understand that in today’s world or degraded moral values, only getting great sex can’t give them much needed psychological support they look for in their marriages. So, we also need to understand, how much value these other factors like the moral character of a woman really has.
These last two comments in the discussion are worth reading too. A man rightly explained how the man will be insulted at every moment by the single mother and her children.
Men’s rights activists in the west who deal with such problems much more compared to us in India, have warned us about this problem of lone mothers as well. Since mothers will always give preference to their own children, in situations where a father needs to discipline her children, he almost always becomes the bad-man. The child can openly say, “you are not my father so just shut up and mind your business.” Very often the mothers take the side of their children and try to show these fathers, why they should shut the fuck up, or how they are being insensitive to the needs of the child. This kind of behavior from the mother almost always make the child even more fearless and turn them against the man.
So, you see a man is always at the receiving end when he marries a single-mother. Not only because he has legally taken all her liabilities by marrying her, but he has also given all his assets to her. Even if we don’t talk about laws, even in his personal life, he can never become a father to her children while he will continue to maintain them. Over and above this, when these women engage in extra-marital relations; it becomes unbearable for men. Men who marry for psychological companionship, very often find themselves being used as trash.