It was the year 2007. I was married for two years then. Except for first six months of my marriage, it was never a smooth sailing for us. Even though she was very young compared to me, she used to abuse me a lot. They were rich and she was beautiful. Even though in the initial days of our married life she used to behave well but after six months of our marriage, she slowly started changing her behavior.
I used to work hard to earn more money so that she could have a good life. I was well qualified – an Engineer and MBA and hence very confident about my life. I believed in a simple life and wanted to lead a comfortable life.
Their cruelty increased with every passing day. Initially, I wanted to reason out things and be happy my way but that was not enough. Very soon I started observing her making long calls. She wouldn’t bother when I was around and she would continue with her calls. Many times I had to take my dinner on my own and finish. Ironically she would always blame me for not spending quality time together.
This was the time when I was in Chennai. So I decided to go back to Kolkata so that she could be with her parents and family and enjoy her life. I took a job in Kolkata and we shifted there. But the situation worsened there. This time even her family members joined her and continued to abuse me in different ways. My patience broke up. We started having frequent quarrels.
In the meantime, I discovered obscene chat messages on her mobile. I realized that she had a relationship with a guy and they had married her off me because of my education and social status. Since she was beautiful and her family was well established I too didn’t have any problem in the marriage. I asked her before marriage if she wanted to marry someone else but she answered in negative. So I went ahead with the marriage. However, even with best of my intentions and actions when I didn’t find her happy and when her family members continued to torture me in different ways I was completely devastated. With this new discovery of her affair outside the marriage and their lies, I was on the verge of committing suicide.
So I decided to take those SMSs to her parents and show it to them. But they have deleted all messages and started accusing me that I was mad and hallucinated and needed psychiatrist treatment. They also threatened me of filing false cases and sending me to jail or informing some women NGO who would send their goondis to manhandle me in public. I came to know about IPC 498a and unnecessary arrests without evidence on a simple complaint. I was completely at a loss and was looking for some help to survive. I found committing suicide needed huge courage.
From my childhood, I was being taught to respect women. I was taught by the entire world how to be a good provider and protector for the weaker section of the population. In this quest to empower the weak, I didn’t realize when I had become weaker myself and there was no help available for me. In fact, I didn’t realize that my gender had branded me as a criminal from the day I was born.
This was the time when I felt that I should have learned how to be a provider and protector for myself first. All my education, hard work, and honesty went to the gutter. My degree from IIT seemed fake to me. My simplicity became my weakness. I started feeling that the whole society was bent on proving me a criminal because I was a male and I got married to an unscrupulous family. I felt that my parents had done the biggest crime by being simple and down to earth persons. I realized that in today’s world the simplest persons are destroyed first. Someone rightly told this to me once – “The trees that are straight are cut first”.
I searched the internet and found some numbers that I could call for help. Some of them were not responding but one person responded to my call.
Initially, I was ashamed (not sure why probably men are brought up to be ashamed of everything even without any reason) to discuss my issues with others. I started the discussion to have a call only for five minutes as I didn’t want to bother him much. Also at the back of my mind, I was thinking how he would demand money for his consultation. So I wanted to keep the discussion short and simple to have minimum effect on my wallet. But with progress in our discussion we continued to dive deeper and gradually I was sunk in a two-hour long discussion. Even after ending the call I felt that my case was not properly discussed.
I was feeling guilty continuously as I was bothering this person for hours and I was sure he had his work too. But there was no one else to help me. My in-laws were very powerful with a connection to judiciary, police, political parties and women NGOs. They had access to local goondas and civil societies that could prove me insane or a criminal anytime. In fact, my in-laws had threatened to do all that when I showed her obscene SMSes with them. Only this person came forward to help me.
I called him again after two days and he replied to that call. We had another discussion for one hour and he never showed any hurry to close the call. I felt relieved that there was someone to help me.
I was too afraid of the political clout of my in-laws to do anything. I wanted to save my family and a peace-loving law-abiding average Indian male that I was, who was taught to respect women from his childhood and to fear God and fear police and judiciary all through his life, was rendered too weak to save his own self, leave alone his aged and ailing parents.
The so called Good-Boy who had studied all through his life to secure a place in some of the most prestigious institutions in India, the boy who didn’t get any seat anywhere without a fierce battle with best brains from all over the nation because he was a general category student from a poor family and didn’t have luxury of getting reserved seats, the boy who was not given any grace marks anywhere because of his gender, the boy who was thought to bring good luck to his family had actually brought a big curse for them in the form of his bride. The bride who was supposed to be a Laxmi had turned out to be otherwise.
The only reason I survive today was this person who spoke to me for hours but some of the remedies he told me was impossible for me to follow. But those free conversations helped me stop thinking about committing suicide or committing any crime.
Unfortunately, I don’t remember his name today. The person who had given me a second life is not known to me by name but by his act. He didn’t want any recognition. All he wanted was to help me and prevent a possible suicide. He didn’t want any money for his help. It helped in the PUREST possible form.
Many years had passed ever since. I had to undergo four more years of cruelty and constant bashing by the woman with whom I wanted to spend my life, to realize that I too had some value and women need not be respected just for being women. I realized that the lessons learned so far were fake, they were big lies told to generations to mold them in a certain way. Today I understand, that this is the reason educated and learned men like A R Guruprasad commit suicide or crime when they can’t save themselves.
Today, as a respect for this unknown man who has helped me when I needed it the most, I fight for justice. I fight for others who probably do not understand that I fight for them. I fight for men who think I am a criminal and a lifelong hater of women. I fight for children who have no idea what trash they are getting every day in the name of education. I fight for those “peace-loving, law-abiding” citizens of India, who don’t even understand what world they have created for their children. I fight against a crime, for a cause for a better tomorrow. All my effort is voluntary. No one has ever forced me to do this but my conscience tells me every day that I am probably not doing enough. There is a vast ocean of activities that I need to do and still, I am wondering on the shores of it.
Today, I know that there are many selfless people who are helping other men in distress over the phone. They don’t charge any money but spend their valuable time to bring down India’s suicide rate. I salute all those who are selflessly dedicating their time to help the helpless. They all are my crisis angels. I may not know the name of the person who helped me in 2007 but today I am surrounded by a lot of crisis angels who will help me simply on a call any time of the day.
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If you have a similar story to tell, please feel free to share your story in the comment section. If you want to meet and talk to your crisis angel please dial 08882 498 498 today.
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*Image courtesy – Indiblogger
The Male Factor (TMF) 
Hi, My name is Anurag Goyal. I have almost same story as mentioned above. I am in a very big trouble. I want someone help to help my family and me.
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Like you there are lakhs of husbands suffering in the hands of wife and their family. Please call 08882 498 498 and get free advice.
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Has anyone after winning 498 case filed a false allegation case and won?. Do you know of anyone who was able to do that?
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Kudos to all MRA counsellors who are doing selfless service by providing moral support and giving free legal advice to harassed Men. God will definitely turn them into Angels 🙂
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it is sad to hear your story..really sad. No human should be respected if they do not deserve respect. Respect to your own self should be at high. No, women are not weaker, so, do not perceive them as weaker, have the scales equaled in rights and responsibilities.
BTW I was thinking you can focus on the innocent students of JU who got arrested for all wrong reasons. If you want i can tell you that why I firmly believe that they are innocent..
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:)…I didn’t follow that news so no opinion
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that is surprising you should….what frustrates me is the girl’s father’s role in the entire episode….blame the innocents
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When I was reading this story, I thought somebody has written my own story… I need some time to write down my own story here so that awareness increases and other victims get confidence to fight back… Below is my story in short…
Well, I am a member of SIF Bangalore. My wife had put a false 498A case (4 yrs before) the day my father expired, to put me, my mother and my sister in jail when we were already mentally and physically shattered. She never stayed in our house so that my mother or sister can even touch her, forget torturing. We did not ask or take any bribe in any form. My MIL wanted to make me her ghar-damad and deliberately ruined all my relations with my parents. She ( my MIL ) is an active member of Mahila Samity in Kolkata.Her Tantrik ( using whom she killed my wife’s first lover ( before marriage ) told her that her daughter will get peace only from her second husband. So she made it a pont that my marriage was just to remove the curse from my wife’s fate. I have a daughter of 7 yrs, for her I am ready to even die. SIF helped me to stand at my point and fight back real strong. I fought my own way. I wanted to pass one simple message. Even though I told all my friends and relatives about my incident and I never kept quite and let myself die, I typed my entire story and gave hard copy to everybody I know. Everybody seemed to understand and gave me suggessions. But as soon as my wifes approached apart from a few of my very close relatives, all went in her favour. God and my patience helped me to get full control on this case. But what I understood and want to share with you is…..The entire society is not yet ready to understand and feel the pain of men. Mostly it is the men who are ready to cut the branch on which they are sitting. It is us who need to change. Not “police” nor “Women Council” nor “Juridiction” nor “Politicians”. We men are still very reluctant, selfish and alligned to “Abola Nari”. Even though we know she is using us (using false cases), we are ready to fight for them. Whereas women became much smarter now-a-days. If one woman is in trouble thousands will stand with her blindly. We guys need to learn this from them. It is not bad to learn from anybody. Please Please Please feel for 65K Indian husbands who sacrifice their lives every year just to give us proof and strength to fight for us. Should we let their sacrifices go in vain just like that ? I hereby promise to save as much husbands as I can till there is gender equality in India and our mind set is changed. Are you with me ?
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A gentle request to our MRA counselors, can we make a portal where all the victimized husbands can write their story and solution in such a way that it is easily available and user friendly ? Like how it is there in some women’s NGO sites ?
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This is your portal..all victimized men (Not only husbands, any accused of false cases) are free to write their stories..
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First of all it is time to explain what happened before that 498A case. We were married on 2005 and the case was filed on July, 2010. For that 5 yrs Debo never stayed in our house in Kolkata for more than 24 hours. My sister saw her in marriage ceremony and only 1 time when she went to Bangalore along with her family for a short trip. My parents went to Bangalore for 2 times for short trips and among them one time to celebrate Debo’s B’Day in Goa. I have thousands of pictures to show how happy Debo was with our family in that 5 years. (Which according to Debo is “tremendous physical and mental torture to make the ground of 498A case). For each and every 498A case there are some common reasons. Mainly “Dowry”. Just to let you know from the moment we got any ornaments, Debo’s mother kept them in her custody and later in her own locker (my parents have not even seen them. Trust me ). Later after 2 years Debo’s mother gave them to Debo making sure my parent s had no access to them. I am sure you remember it is only in-front of you in 2012 that Debo returned my ornaments to me. My family was never after their ornaments or money. It was always a false accuse to prepare the ground for Dowry case.
Let me tell you what exactly happened in that night. From 2005 to 2010 when Debo was so called “Tortured” she never went to Police station in Bangalore. My mother and sister has physically seen her for few days, forget physical or mental torture. Where I have been mentally tortured for keeping in touch with my parents over phone. Anyways getting a news that my father is seriously ill, we came to Kolkata for a short period, we had a plan that the baby will stay first 8 days with Debo and last 7 days with me. It was just 2 days over when the baby was with me that my father expired. It must be mentioned that Debo never stayed in our house more than 24 hours ever (at a stretch) in last 10 years of our marriage. (only after child birth since their Dhakuria flat is in 4th floor without lift Debo stayed in our house at Garia for few days where all of us, me, my parents, my sister, brother-in-law were present to make sure both the mother and baby get the best care ever possible. I have many pictures and videos to show how happy Debo was during that time (Jan, 2008). ). My father expired and my mother called their house and told her father to send Debo in our house to take the baby ( just to give the baby the best possible care as we wanted it from the beginning) Even though my sister has 2 kids and these three kids just die to play with each other till date ) , which Debo strictly makes impossible. Ipshita gets big torture, threatening and punishment if she tries to even video chat with her cousins. My mothers request was really gentle and intension was only to keep the child in a better place. We all are afraid of Debo’s drama and torture she is doing on us from the beginning. Tell me what bad intension my mother could have that time as portrayed by Debo’s mother ? Well after that immediately Debo came to our house and she was describing how she had enjoyed that day in shopping and celebrating her B’Day, whereas as per Hindu culture she should be beside us in that disaster. Suddenly she got a call and after that she started creating drama, saying she will take the child away by any means. At that time all of our closest relatives were present in our house and we were having the toughest day possible ( you may imagine the situation ). I requested Debo to come to up-stairs as shouting in-front of all our relatives is not looking nice. And she started screaming using abusive languages on us and threatened with dare consequences. Then I lost my temper, as it is only my fault to love Debo and marry her and finally making a shame on our family in-front of all our relatives and neighbors. It is true that I pushed her and told her to leave my house. But there was no injury ( she went to Jadavpur PS and could not show a single injury) . She left our house using all kind of slang languages and went to her mothers house. Remember, she did not go to PS immediately. She went to her home, Debo and her mother and her friend made a solid plan to thrash all of us on that very day. The OC called me saying to drop the child in local PS and then Jadavpur Police will pick up the child from there. It is again my mother who called the police that I will drop the child to it’s mothers hand to protect the child from that trauma. Compare my mothers feelings in that tough time with Debo’s mothers intension. Well, I went to Jadavpur PS and the OC interrogated me and immediately got to know that I can not be a criminal. With respect he told me to leave that child and be with my mother that time. Note : if I really would have been a criminal or was there any torture I would have been arrested that day. The OC of Jadavpur PS is not a child to play with laws. The intension of Debo’s mother was very clear. Put all of us under the maximum pressure she can put and get the separation done that time itself. She was the main force behind Debo’s 498A complain. She always made it sure that the child never is close to my family. Whereas the child knows each and everyone of Debo’s even distant relatives or friends, Ipshita does not know my father or almost anybody of my family. This is Debo’s plan ( not her mother’s ) because Debo always thinks everybody is trying to take away her own things. This is the reason she does not want me to talk to anybody apart from her. Same is applicable for Ipshita. Debo does not want her daughter to spend time even with me. Next after 10 days they filed 498A along with few other cases ( intension was only to get separation from me and make Debo marry to a guy of her mother’s choice who will be “Ghar-Jamai”. But I did not agree. Next they came to Bangalore and filed another case in Bangalore so that I get immediate arrest once I step into Bangalore. I got the message from the PS of Bangalore. In 2010 they shifted the house and everything is done without informing me. Many of my important files, cassettes and one small gold ring is still lost. They kept the baby hidden from me for 2 years. They informed her “Day-Care” not to allow her father to see the daughter. I never wanted my own daughter to put in day-care. To give her a close family, I sacrificed my Job ( which I was doing very well and was the top-performer ). But it was Debo’s mother who always came in-between me and my daughter and from the beginning she used to tell “This is a girl child, no need to love her, leave her in day-care from the age of 6-months and we should concentrate in our career.”. Throwing me out of the picture she started her cruelty gladly on the poor child. If I would have been “Cruel” as described by Debo and her mother, I would have never gone to Bangalore with that risk. I got a decent Job as a lecturer in St Xavier’s school and college, could have easily give separation to Debo and start a happy life ( as guided most of the people at that time ). But I did not do that. With many people standing beside me, who knew very well how I love my child, I got Debo’s address , stayed in a house near to Debo’s house, got a job, Started taking care of the child, got some good promotion, cleared some exams, changed the job, got a decent job and with frequent promotions regained my position. ( Part of it should have been known to Suchandan ) It took time to teach my own daughter that I am her father and I saw she really hates and is scared of her father. A big success of Debo’s mother. Hats off!!! I got visitation right and since they really can not handle the child they had to agree for “Shared Parenting”. I used to take my daughter for playing, taught her drawing, making stories, small small trips and slowly built the relationship strong. Since staying in Bangalore was a costly deal for Sircar family ( they lost around 6-7 lacks as said by Mrs Sircar) Debo’s parents left Bangalore and I entered again in my own family. We started living together from Oct 2012. I purchased a car and almost every months we started trips. See how cruel a person I am and how I torture my wife and my daughter. Initially it was the same when we got married, Debo was happy and so my daughter. But that could not stop Mrs Sircar to screw our happiness. Debo started frequent abusing me infront of my daughter. “Suorer bachha, khankir chele, gudmarani, baal were her common verbal abuse along with frequent threat for another 498A case in Bangalore. She started cancelling all our trips even after I had spend thousands to buy the tickets. I tried many gentle discussions to solve this. But did not work out. The only reason our marriage did not break was my mother’s inspiration and my love to my daughter. This is a brief description of your so called “498A culprit”. Well you must be knowing that Debo cancelled the 498A case just to make sure that I sign in separation papers. And you also know that filing a false 498A is a real crime. Now tell me, should I leave my daughter with these criminals ? Debo has thrown me out of the house and made sure I do not have any access in her day-care. At present I am being treated as a thief when I go to see my own daughter. If Debo can do this extent illegally , separation will help her to torture me and the daughter more as she will get a lot of legal power.
From the childhood Debasree’s mother did not restrict her from doing any bad thing. First it was me ( when She was 12 yrs old ) then as I did not fulfill their dreams, they threw away me and brought another Bihari guy. He used to stay in their home when Debo’s parents were not there and their relationship was just like husband-wife when Debo was in college. Debo’s mother always wanted a “Ghor-Jamai” to protect her property ( I am not sure about the cause ). When Debo got bored with that guy, she came to B’Lore and contacted me to rescue her. She used to tell that the guy is a murderer and searching for her to kill her ( the exact words she now use for me, saying I am trying to kill her ). That time I was 25 and an Assit Manager of an investment company in North Bengal. I had big dreams about my future and career and I had confidence as well. So I left the job, married her and came to B’Lore. We used to stay in a rented house in Bangalore near to Debo’s college to make sure she finishes her course successfully. It must be mentioned here that Debo was not at all interested to finish her course and always used to tell me (before marriage) that she wants to fulfil her dreams about marriage and wants to be a house-wife). It was me who forced her to finish the course with a distinction and get a job. Along with doing a job-oriented course at night in Bangalore I gave all kind of support and protection to Debo so that she finishes her post graduate degree with distinction. Next both of us got jobs and next phase of married life started. Things were not smooth from the beginning as Debo tried to commit suicide within 1st 3 months of our marriage (reason was I wasted a cup of water). The reason may appear simple, but that was the beginning of my confusion and slowly being a complete victim of her mental disorder. Debo’s mother always planned so that till date ( 10 years of marriage ) Debo never stayed in our house for more than 24 hours. Whereas I stayed in their house for many days. I thought I am doing this to bring two families closer. Did not understand that it is Debo’s mother’s long term planning to make me “Ghar Jamai”. Forgot to mention that in the marriage ( whereas I have done all kind of shopping and arrangements for both the parties ) our relatives were ill-treated in the marriage ceremony. They were too busy in the show-off to their own relatives and Debo’s mother planned so that marriage was finished before anybody reached from my own family and relatives. In this point at-least you should respect my parents that they ignored this tremendous humiliation. Just after marriage her mother always used to mention some weird Hindu customs and now I understand those were just to make sure that Debo does not spend any night at our house. Whereas I met most of her relatives one –by-one going to their houses, till date Debo did not meet any of my relatives at their house. Debo’s mother bought train tkt for us so that we had only 5-6 days left after marriage. So finally my father bought flight tkt and requested Debo to spend at-least those extra hours at our house. Well it looks I am exaggerating the matter unnecessarily. Right ? I that case I must mention a fact which is very important and according to us this is the main cause of today’s separation.
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I think you should create your own blog instead of writing history. 🙂
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Seems like in the first paragraph , somebody wrote my story. I got to know after 15 days of wedding (including 1 year of courtship) …The only difference is I’m still in the same situation trying to fix it & on the contrary , it is worsening day by day.
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Dude, dailymoss is a feminist website! Think before sharing its links 😉
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S Sengupta..unnecessary promotion of feminist websites is not permitted here..I have deleted all links
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