This series titled Divorce Stories are stories of getting divorce by different men. These stories bring the reality to other men and they understand how other men are suffering in getting divorce. They have shared these stories online on different platforms, and these are curated specially for the TMF audience for a better understanding into the relationship dynamics of the modern world.
Please share your thoughts about these stories and also feel free to share your stories with us so that we can also learn from your experience.
Read Other Stories – Story 1, Story 3, Story 4
John Thorne (Former Forensic Examiner)
I was married to her from 2007-2011 and things were ok. I worked in a part of the defense industry – there were a few basic rules to keep my long-term employment. I needed to keep my credit spotless & could not have any drug issues.
As soon as we were married, we were checking out of the hotel where the wedding was held. Instead of the $200 for the hotel room, I was presented with a bill for $12,000. She had spent the money set aside for the wedding and she asked me to put the wedding on my credit card without any prior notice.
Intimacy stopped as soon as the wedding cake was served as they say. Her choice. She had a headache. For 9 years.
I wanted to bail and file for divorce but my pride said no.
Five months into the marriage, she is still unemployed. I come home from an overseas trip to find my spouse sobbing. We were expecting her friends from the DC area to visit She asked her drug dealing friend in Maryland to wrap several ounces of marijuana in a birthday present box and have the unwitting friends transport the pot to her at our residence.
Her friends were government employees.
The drug dealer refused and said it was a shameful request, CC’ing the friends on the denial email. I told her that I could not be around such- and I was told I am imaging things and very controlling.
I wanted to bail and file for divorce but my pride said no.
2011: we take a delayed honeymoon to the pacific after a joint business trip to Asia. She is the admin for my contracting business. we’ll come back to this….
2014: I won full custody of my kids from my first wife. They live with us full time. I cannot do anything right at home and affection is a thing of the past. I learned that this wife begins working with my children’s mother to have custody reversed as soon as I won custody. Having children in the house interfered with her drug use and lifestyle.
2015: My business is undergoing a government audit of funds. My records are missing and incomplete. Remember how I said she was the admin? Right. Turns out my books were $700k short in the end.
I am told to relocate to the DC area until the audit is complete. She is left home alone with my kids Monday-Friday. I super-commute with an 8 hr drive Friday night and Sunday night for a year. I ask her to provide documents but she just can’t find them when I need them….
2016: The kids’ mother petitions for reversal of custody. This wife wanted to file for divorce at the same time to completely break me, but the dates would have fallen short of the mark for mandatory alimony. I am forced to resign from my lucrative contracting position due to the funds being short.
To tie this together… I am a computer forensic subject matter expert and fraud examiner. I have been for over 20 years. Once I arrived home post-resignation, she became very hostile, stating that I only resigned so that she would not get alimony. I was beaten – I’m a tall, fit guy. I’ve also been around long enough to know the police side with females in domestic disturbances.
Even though she had not worked the duration of the marriage, I was told that I was not allowed to eat at a table… or in the presence of others because I am a failure. She began dialling 911 when I opened a bag of chips- ‘I paid for those with my work, not yours. that’s theft. I will have your ass thrown in jail.’ She would leave the house at all hours of the day and night, returning home smelling of pot. I captured her attacks on video and audio.
One day while she was out, I imaged the shared workstation in the house while she was at her new job. I was preparing for the CCFE.
I was stunned to find that since 2014, she had been attending “divorce success coaching classes.”
The number one tip was to force a domestic disturbance arrest.
Secondly, she was told that ‘altering/forging signatures on checks is not a crime any DA will prosecute during a divorce. Take what you can.’
Lastly, maximize your expenses as long as you can, thereby justifying higher alimony. She worked with my ex-wife to have my custody reversed- I would not have the expense of kids & ergo, more money would be available for alimony.
She calculated her alimony payout to the penny months before we got married.
I found that in 2011, she was texting her ex/current BF about how much she hates me during a trip to Asia on our honeymoon. She ‘wished they were together’ smoking pot and having rough sex instead of being with me.
All the key documents for the audit were taken to her attorney.
I hired an attorney and I sent them my video of her assault on me complete with post-attack bruises. My female attorney told me ‘you’re lucky she didn’t press charges for hurting her hand with your jaw when she hit you. You could have gone to jail.’
I file for divorce.
My law firm takes their sweet time. The spouse, unwitting that I have recordings or images of the shared computer, empties the house and takes the dogs while I am gone. I never saw the dogs again. She had them put down to save money.
I lost my career, my children, my house, my dogs, all my savings… and she still was awarded a cash payout. I have no faith in the legal system.
When did I know I should get a divorce? When she told me that she spent the $30k saved for the wedding on herself and expected me to pay for the wedding… at the hotel checkout. The day we were married.
It’s been two years and I am still looking for work. It would be much easier to end it all but I won’t give her the satisfaction. I stay hungry most days. I don’t really have hopes anymore.
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For a second after reading the heading, I though, oh! Is it about my friend (who is also a foresenic expert) in India.
Why you married for 2nd time when you have bitter experience from your first marriage? You only have to blame yourself. Sorry man no sympathy for you. Marriage is like sleeping with a king cobra
It’s the Duluth model of domestic violence I noticed being used:
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You are doing great job through articles. But the problem how many men getting this? Unless you become journalist come out to public movitate men from cities to villages nothing will change. I will join you to support you trust these articles doesn’t hardly change men.