How To Choose A Widow For Your Marriage

Hindu Widow

Many men in their second marriage marry a widow. But many of these widows might have been very cruel in their previous marriage and could be the reason behind their husbands’ death.

It is important to understand her story and her past life in a most objective way before a man decides to marry her. This example may help.

Before I tell you the story that happened a few months back, where I sniffed out the problem for one of my colleagues, I would like to state a few things about gender differences in a smelling sense.

A couple of months back, one of my male colleagues who was a widower with a kid, told me that he was getting married and the girl was from his village in Bihar. Even though he was settled in Bangalore, he was getting married to his village girl as the alliance was given by one of his close relatives (his mausa ji).

The girl was said to have got divorced eight years ago and her family claimed that it was a mutual consent divorce (MCD).

The moment I heard that the girl was sitting at home without getting married for eight years and only after eight years she was trying to get married again, I realized, it was a victim story told well to a naive and unsuspecting man who didn’t know anything except women being victims.

It was told that the divorce happened within a few days of her marriage because her husband used to beat her every night, throw her out of their house at night and used to drink a lot etc. This is the standard story told by all Indian women who had historically filed all different false criminal cases on in-laws and probably fought hard over all false allegations to snatch money and property from men.

My colleague and his family members believed in the story as it came from their close relative whom they have trusted. I told him to ask a few questions that could reveal the truth and eventually it was found that the woman was lying and she was, in fact, fighting all criminal cases against her in-laws and got 2 lakh rupees as alimony. It was told to him that a dowry case was needed to get the alimony as the girl didn’t have any means to survive.

My colleague understood that the girl was greedy for money and hence filled cases within a few months of her marriage to get rich quicker. He understood that if I didn’t sniff out the problem early in his life, he would have been married to a cruel girl now. My concern was more for his son, who would have suffered the worse.

The result was positive. He later found a better woman to marry. A widow of a war martyr. She gave all the money received from the Indian Army to her in-laws and was staying with her in-laws. It was her in-laws who arranged the marriage. When I came to know about this girl, I knew he was marrying the right person who will take care of his family and will make it hers.

It is important that as men we stop being emotional towards every victim story told by women. We need to weigh them properly else there is a high chance of getting duped.

Be wise in choosing a widow for your marriage. Hope this example helps.


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  1. Partha:

    Marriage counselors generally agree that a man and woman need 300 hours of “togetherness” in order to get a good feel for each other. This does not include marathon dates, but does make allowances for two dates per week, with each date lasting between 2-3 hours. If this recipe for success is followed…it should give each party between 1 and 1.5 years to get a good handle on what the other party is truly about.

    Please note, that marriage counselors recommended that the prospective couples do not enter into a sexual union before the 300 hours has elapsed. This is important because sex binds and blinds the participants (in most cases). It is the mortar that adheres two stones together, therefore, it should not be applied until one is completely confident in the other (which takes time).

    Other, more conservative marital counselors, recommend a hands-off approach for two years. I tend to agree with this group, because it is known that women generally grow impatient and “let their hair down” within two years. If a man can wait this long, he is likely to see whether or not she is genuine…or putting on a good show. Since selecting a bride is the biggest decision a man will ever make in his lifetime, it only behooves him to take his time in making a prudent decision.

    Please keep in mind that “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread” and, “Married in haste…we repent at leisure.”

    Best wishes and be well


  2. Brilliant! On second thoughts, a man can figure it out if he asks himself all the questions and doesn’t suppress his gut feeling because he doesn’t want to be a “regressive misogynist”.


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