Hope you have received my last letter. This morning when I was cooking in my home and got stuck, I called you for a solution. I realized how you have been my problem solver from my childhood. This letter is only reminiscing some of those memories that made me stronger every day.
You were my solution to everything and that is why even today I call you when needed. In my childhood, you made me do my homework and helped me solving difficult problems in life. I remember that you have always preferred that I solve my problems in life while you show me the way rather than doing it for me. Those small challenges in life that came in early became bigger today. But the qualities of problem-solving that you and dad inculcated in me is taking me through. This is the quality that is helping me not only to fight my battles in life but also to help others, to take on bigger challenges.
Ma, today I remember that whenever I used to get defeated in a sports event, I used to get very dejected. You didn’t console me always but you taught me how to accept defeats and work harder. I remember, when I lost a cricket match, dad played chess with me and I defeated him three times in a row. Probably he lost intentionally to me to boost my confidence. But then I realized how important it was to accept defeat. To start again in life. Those small lessons of life that you both taught me today help me accepting everyday defeats all by myself. I become seasoned enough to help others and think of bigger problems because I have learned to accept defeat.
In a way, both of you have taught me how to be a firefighter for myself that in turn helped me in my life.
I remember, whenever I used to get scared of something I used to run to you. But while giving me assurance of protection you have developed my confidence rather than creating a phobia. I remember I used to be very scared of cockroaches. So one-day dad killed a cockroach and you asked me to clean that place. Well, slowly that removed my fear of cockroaches. I didn’t develop any phobia but I developed two great skills of fighting against danger and doing my work on my own. Today, when I see people afraid of anything I feel their parents should have done the same with them in their childhood.
Ma, do you remember how you taught me making rotis? One day when after my exams I didn’t have anything to do, you asked me to help you with cooking. Those days everything was done by hand. I started from preparing the dough to gradually making good, nice, round handmade rotis. You have also taught me to clean our own clothes and shoes from school days. That has made me self-sufficient and today I can stay away from home and do everything on my own without any problem.
In one way, you have made me a multi-tasker even when our brain does not permit us to do more than one thing at a time. I learnt how to do my homework while watching TV or how I can optimize different tasks to be done simultaneously without much effort but by applying my brain. This skill is helping me even today. I remember that dad was a multitasker too.
On mothers’ day weekend when I remember you, I can’t forget the contributions of dad in showing those examples or living by examples as well.
Mom, I wish all children get parents like you who will enable their children rather than creating a divide. But today I find mothers are not so caring to their own children. They want to kill their own children either as a right or because of their hatred for the father of the child. I see fathers like Syed Makdoom committing suicide because they were not allowed to meet their children or some fathers need to meet their children from a distance like an unknown person. I know that while you taught me so many lessons of life with ease, you have learnt some of those from my dad and both of you together made the lessons more interesting for me.
Ma, I know that you have never imagined your world without your sons or your husband. But today as I work for men’s right, I find the father’s or dad’s role is increasingly being belittled. The way bloggers are writing for their moms, they never do that for their dads. Today’s mother’s day campaigns ignore men and boys completely and increasingly we see how on mothers’ day the male members of family vanish from billboards or campaigns –
That is why I don’t get surprised anymore when I see a mother and her family members can kill a father when he tries to meet his kids –
Fathers have indeed become redundant today.
Today, we need to have special campaigns to make husbands’ share the household workload whereas I have always seen dad sharing everything. He lived by example but for our housewives today we need to have special campaigns. Probably you need to teach today’s women some lessons of multitasking and sharing too.
Ma, today I realize that because you didn’t come under the feminist influence you have everything today. We as children can teach these lessons to others. But I see single mother children increasingly getting frustrated and we need to argue for social acceptance of shared parenting.
Mom, I may be fortunate to have a mother like you and a father like dad. Both of you have taught us important lessons of life by being examples to others. But there are many more who do not have this privilege. Recently, one of my colleagues expressed his desire to commit suicide to me. He is an unhappy single mother-child. He has got more luxuries in his life than I could ever imagine. His father has done everything for the well being of his family from a distance and is very poor himself today. This colleague of mine is also celebrating mother’s day. But he is not as lucky as I am. He doesn’t praise his mother, he understands today that he was probably deprived of the best parent. His father is completely eliminated from his life. Today, he thinks probably he has become redundant too.
Ma, I ask you this question. Why a child needs to celebrate Mother’s Day or Father’s Day in his life? Isn’t every single day supposed to be for them? Also, how is that we are imagining mothers or fathers as individual entities? Are they complete without each other or we are in a way saying fathers or men are redundant to the society. I know you don’t like this hypocrisy as you don’t consider your world without your husband or your children, but there are many who do.
Mom, as I told you in my previous letter that my death will probably not be glorious. Because going by what you taught me through your life also teaches me to respect people for their deeds and not for their gender. I am sure you will never like this son to be redundant in this society where only single motherhood is glorified. Because you believe that whatever you taught me in life that had an equal contribution from my dad as well.
That is why I love you the most. Today, you have everything because you have not only taught good lessons in life, you have lived as an example and didn’t ask for anything in return.
In the end, as you have been my first expert in everything I did from childhood, I would like to tell you, love you for being there.
Love you, mom,