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Wife Denying Sex Is A Growing Phenomenon In India

For the last few years, Indian men’s rights activists are getting an increased number of cases involving wives denying sex to their husbands. It has become a disease with more and more women marrying men without any love and only for their money and property. With increased provisions of mingling with the opposite sex and the shame related to extra-marital affairs going away; women are experimenting with sex more and having more sexual partners today.

This is evident in the increased number of cases mentioning adultery in the divorce petitions. However, after removing adultery as a crime under section 497, the spouses no longer care. Even earlier, under IPC 497, most cases didn’t end up in conviction because of stringent legal requirements to prove the same. Experienced MRAs know that winning divorce cases based on adultery was very difficult even when IPC 497 was in place and men were forced to go for out of court settlement and most often paying alimony to adulterous wives.

Wife denying sex
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We have found many murders happening in intimate relations when the wife goes out of the way to have such relations. In most of such adulterous relations, women deny sex to their husbands with whom they might have got married for money or social status but did not accept them as husbands. Most often it is found that these women get married due to social pressure, or to extort money from rich men. Rich men with elderly parents or a single parent become an easy target for such women. These are the women and families who know our laws very well and understand how to manipulate the man’s family to their benefit. The husbands, on the other hand, undergo extreme cruelty and in many cases are either forced to commit suicide, commit a crime or get murdered.

It is a matter of pain for any man to accept the fact that his wife denies sex with him. In a recent case, the couple got married through a matrimonial website and then the wife didn’t allow the husband to have any physical relation. Even when they went abroad for the honeymoon the man was not allowed to touch her and as a result, they had a very bitter matrimonial relation. This relationship ended in the mysterious death of the husband and an injured wife. Allegedly the husband wanted to kill the wife but committed suicide after failing to do that.

The cruelty that a man has to undergo under such denial of sex by the wife is extreme. It is a direct challenge to his own sexuality. Ignorant of this growing trend, many men undergo tremendous stress. This stress increases when one has a beautiful wife who does not allow him to touch her. If this happens immediately after their marriage the man totally loses all hopes in himself and suffers from a crisis of his own self-esteem. As a result, he tries even harder to prove his masculinity and show that he is sexually able-bodied. The frustration that one undergoes under such situations is unimaginable. Their basic identity as a man becomes at stake when they are denied sex by their wives. In such cases, men go to other women or prostitutes to prove to themselves that they are not impotent.

The complication increases when the wife is good looking and amazingly gorgeous and she denies sex immediately after their marriage. In these cases, men are also prohibited to go out to other women for sex because their wives are better looking. These men do not find other women attractive. Such men suffer from deep-rooted crises in their lives that force them to prove their manhood. Such men always think that the bad patch in their relationship will get over in due course of time. When that does not happen and days pass on, their frustration level increases as their identity as men becomes under question.

These men who are denied sex by wife cannot discuss these issues with any of their male friends. This is because the men who are already suffering from low self-esteem do not want to damage their esteem any further.  In a recent survey by the International Center for Research on Women (ICRW) found that a very high percentage of Indian men feel inferior when they are together with their friends.

IMAGES Surcey_Men's Negative Statement of Well being

These men also fear that their male friends will take advantage of this situation or will think of them as impotent and that is the reason they don’t share such issues with their male friends.

In such situations, if these abused men have any good female friends they may discuss their problem else they may also try to discuss with any other female members (like bhabhi, sister etc) in their family. But most Indian men have a tendency of not seeking any advice for their personal problems. In their survey on Indian masculinity ICRW researchers have found that only 11% of Indian men seek help when in distress –

IMAGES Survey_Men having negative thought about themselves

The percentage of Indian men seeking help in distress is one of the lowest in the world. One of the reasons for this is that Indian men are taught to be brave and to withstand their pains when in distress. They are prohibited from crying or seeking help from their childhood as they are taught to be providers and protectors for the weaker section and especially the children and women. But these men are never taught to save themselves. This is the reason when such men have problems in their personal life they can’t seek help easily from anyone.

There is another reason behind men not seeking help. It is because of their own mentality, that tells them that anyone seeking help is weak and Indian men are always told not to portray themselves as weak.

Complications for such men increases when their wife not only denies sex but also spends most of her time in her parental home or continue her pre-marital lifestyle. In many cases where such women have another affair and who get married only for the money or property of the man, not only avoids the husband but also avoids all his relatives. These women do not do any of the household chores and expect the husband to do everything for them. In most of these cases, it is found that such women are abusive to their husbands and his family.

Sometimes women who had a painful experience in the first sexual encounter or some women who are unnecessarily afraid of sex may also exhibit the same behaviour. While these denials happen at the initial few days of marriage but can be rectified by expert counselling or by partner love. However, such women who are afraid of sex do not exhibit any other forms of cruelty like being abusive towards the husband or are found to deny sex after the birth of their child. Lumley, 1978 described this as a syndrome for women who experienced pain during their first childbirth. They develop a fear of pregnancy and hence reject or decrease their sexual activities. Working or career women who are more focused on their career rather than their family also display such aversion to sex after first childbirth because of the pain and career loss associated with childbirth.

In my experience, many husbands tolerate such decreased sexual activity or denial of sex by the wife for the sake of their family and children. They can divert their attention to their children and well being of their family rather than sex and try to avoid the discomfort of decreased sexual activity.

It is very important for a man to understand why his wife is denying sex. If one suspects his wife of having an extramarital relationship, one should verify the same with other syndromes of an adulterous wife –

Read – Is your wife in adultery?

Once he finds out that his wife is in an extramarital relation, he should immediately contact an MRA or Indian MRA helpline.

It is very important to note that such cases force a husband to either commit a crime or to commit suicide. Ignoring such cases will increase the pain for the husband and eventually he may be killed by the wife and her lover. In many cases, these husbands take the extreme step when they come to know that the best legal recourse they can expect is a peaceful, no maintenance divorce. Many husbands find that as legal abuse and can not withstand the partiality by the legal system. It is important for Indian men to understand that wife denying sex to the husband is a rapidly growing phenomenon in India.

In all such cases, men need to keep patience and contact MRAs as soon as possible to find a solution. No one else other than MRAs can help men in such cases as MRAs are experienced in dealing with such cases daily. It is not possible to discuss the remedy in detail here as there are many aspects of such cases and one can be counselled only based on one’s case details. However, some of the articles written in adultery series may help the reader to get more knowledge on this matter.

Hope my articles are useful for Indian men. If you find them useful, please do share them with your friends and spread the knowledge.

Stay Tuned and Stay Safe. 

All the best!!

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15 comments

  2. Dear Partha, A great article on denying for sex by wife. I had some ideas on the same issue like this. I also wrote an article on Marital Rape. I forwarded it via e.mail to the seniors in SIF. However I think they didn’t like it much. So they were bit angry on some of its paragraphs. But as I read this blog, I wish to share my views and ideas on this topic with you.
    Here with I am sending an email please read and kindly respond.
    (rajuguide51@yahoo.com)

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  3. Partha:

    American men rarely tell their friends or the authorities about their bride’s abusive tendencies. We are men: We are trained to fix things…we are trained to endure…we are trained to be strong. It is outside our experience and comfort zone to ask others for help, as it makes us feel incompetent, vulnerable, defective and weak. Besides all that, we love our women more than they love us and would feel disloyal if we turned them in to authorities. Often times, we never retaliate when they attack us, abuse us, cheat on us or desert us. We are men…the noblest of creatures.

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  4. Part II:

    I would be remiss if I failed to mention, that as a male, we inherently know that no one is in any hurry to save us or come running to our rescue, so we often do not solicit help from others.

    Moreover, boys are trained to be the protector, while girls are trained to be the protected. Boys are trained to be the provider, while girls are trained to be the beneficiary. He is trained to fight, while she is trained to scream. Planet Earth is home to both sexes, but they live in completely different worlds.

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  5. Dear All,

    You cannot understand a women………….when it comes to wife than it more difficult to understand. What women wants ……..money and only money……….what mens want…. you all know.

    But why each women thinks sex is forced on them…..because they have been listening about this from there childhood. There mother and her friends were talking about this in afternoon sitting ideal in afternoon talks that my husband is very bad I was suffering from fever since last two days and still yesterday night he forced me to sex. And other womens used to say yes you are correct all mens are same, they dont care about are feelings.

    Money indian womens claims that there husband dont love them……just want sex with there body.

    I men who is working hard and taking all the pains to run a family is not treated well at work and also he is denied by her female partner in night.

    This is most cruel think which can be done to a husband. Whenever you will go the wife she will say today she is nit feeling well. Today she is having fever. Today she is having headache . Today she is having backache. Today she not in mood. Today is this. … today is that…….men will reach retirement age and her excuses will never end for denial of sex.

    Mens need not to worry in today’s world because you will marry at age of 30+ and due to so much stress and work pressure you will turn cold by mid of 40, s and in these 20 years you will working like donkey to earn for daily needs, children education, home loan and car loans.

    But believe me your sex life will not increase. .. if you specially dealing indian women’s.

    The only solution to this is avoid marriages. This is psychological if you are unmarried you can live without sex for 30 years or may me through out life without any issue, but married male cannot hold it…..if you are livibg together sharing bed yoy cannot control after all you are men.

    Today agian she will deny you and you could do anything to her. I am not joking this will again happen to you and keep on happening.

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    • Gk:

      I require far more than just mere sex from a woman. As far as I see it, sex is just a primitive deed and basic skill that even the most primitive creatures have mastered. What makes this primitive act worthwhile…is sharing sexual intimacy and tenderness with the object of your affection – the one you love.

      So, any woman who comes into my life will be required to give more than “a roll in the hay”, because I am not after a sexual conquest, a sex slave, or a warm piece of meat. I am not after something that I, myself, cannot deliver. So, she had better have a strong character and be a woman of faith, virtue, and honor. If these traits cannot be found…then I am better off without her and better off going it alone.

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      • Perfect! The affection, respect, soft talk, communication, spending time with each other, romance, holding hands, care, walks and long drives, etc….leads to making love. Sex has no feelings. Those woman whose husbands are rich
        and yet looking outside are missing all the things that are needed to make love. Ofcourse there are women who are just cruel and do things to get their way. But not all of them. There are victims In women too who equally are deprived of intimacy. In fact they are even more silent then the men who are sharing it. Because when a woman talks of being deprived of her needs, immediately she is considered characterless or not a virtuous woman.
        Or she is told, don’t complain about romance and spending time, he is taking care of the family. But his she reach the final destination when the path leading to it doesn’t exist.

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  7. If I had gotten such a wife, I had raped her day in and day out and kept her caged inside the home without access to any communication device.. And fuck her forcibly daily ….fuck her as much as I want and the way I want and beat her and pin her down if she didn’t agree. Fuck women!

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    • [Warning: Long Comment !!!]
      Well said Kashyap. Any MAN must and should do the same thing. When these women are not interested and don’t want “physical intimacy” and “sex”, why did they marry a “Man” in first place ? What’s their idea/plan/agenda behind the marriage ?

      If they are fair enough, why don’t these kind of women honestly “disclose” their dislike/view/attitude/low libido towards the most basic and primitive instinct between a Man and woman (often termed as Sex) well before the marriage ? Isn’t it “cheating” ? Isn’t it “deceiving” ? Isn’t it “offending” ? Isn’t it “emotional abuse” ? Isn’t it “exploitation” ? Isn’t it “irresponsibility” ? Isn’t it being “unfaithful” ? Guess not, because they are “women” and they have free pass !!!

      And also Kashyap, what you want/wanted to do to your (let’s assume) wife is NOT a “rape”. She willingly and voluntarily entered into your life (read: for her OWN benefits) and nobody put a gun on her head to marry you. She knows “fully” why she is marrying a MAN, why two heterosexual persons live together under one roof . She is also fully AWARE that why another person is taking her responsibility, providing her food, shelter, luxuries (which she probably even NEVER dreamed of), FREE SEX & GRATIFICATION, healthcare, gadgets, vacations, celebrations, shopping etc.

      It’s NOT a “rape” because she is fully aware of “conjugal” relationship. She knows very well that no two persons will have same levels of sexual desire and one MUST be able to accommodate, adjust, understand and respect other person’s desires. NO MAN on this earth will want to have sex with his wife when she is not in good health or for any other “reasonable” reason. So it’s unfair and insane on the part of wife to deny sex and blame her Man. There is nothing wrong for a Man in trying to get his wife into mood or persuading for something that they both long and enjoy (and vice-versa) and a “binding” factor in any marital relationship.

      As somebody else wisely commented in another post; Women need, like, desire and CRAVE for SEX, as much as Men and probably more than Men and they are also MASTURBATE MANIACS !! They THINK of sex as much as a Men, they FANTASIZE about sex as much as a Men. They “pretend” not to because they know that the society/culture expects/pressures Men to “initiate”. Women are not “giving” but they are “getting” SEX and they are not doing any “favor”. They get same (maybe more !) levels of Satisfaction, Enjoyment, PLEASURE, Relaxation and Health benefits (feel good hormones) just like Men.

      If a wife does not initiate (at least indirectly) or respond to or co-operate or show any interest, in almost ALL the scenarios/cases it’s HER FAULT. For example, she might do that because:

      She has inferiority complex. May be she is not well endowed or have some “deficiencies”. (I don’t want to elaborate on this !)
      She has psychological disorders (and you are the “scapegoat” !!!)
      She wants to take revenge or harass the Man, many a times for trivial reasons that doesn’t even make sense.
      She want get her wish or decision to be okayed on something (read: manipulative)
      She outright planned marriage with you with only one INTENTION: Get as much MONETARY benefits from you as she can (Property sharing, Alimony etc.)
      She knows very well that you cannot do anything and she can, at anytime, drive you out of YOUR OWN house !
      She is already cheating you and sleeping with other Man (or Men !).

      A million dollar question: Why does her own family, the society, the law and the government takes that kind of behavior as “normal / acceptable” ? Why she is not responsible or accountable for her actions ? Why should she get a property share and alimony from a person with whom she doesn’t want to continue in a relationship ?

      Women want “equality” and yet demand chivalry, reservations, freebies and incentives, just because they are “females” ! They claim they are independent, empowered and strong and not ashamed of being parasites on Men’s efforts, hard work, earnings and BLOOD.

      As the saying goes “Vinshakale Vipathareeth Buddhi” !!!

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  9. I would like to introduce myself as someone who is not a FEMINIST. I have seen men suffer and also have see women suffer. In some situations men are victims and in some situations women are victims. One thing I noticed in all comments here is most men are complaining about sex, but not closeness, affection, spending time etc that women usually complain about and say they can’t have sex without affection and closeness. I will share four scenarios that I have often come across.
    Scenario one – The woman is very beautiful and dreams of marrying a millionaire. she ends up marrying a businessman but unfortunately he is not that successful. The guy is affectionate, caring, willing to spend time but the women is not interested and always flirts with rich successful guys. Here the man is the victim.
    Scenario 2 – Its an arranged marriage. The first day itself the guy forces on her. This freaks her out and leaves a long lasting negative effect on her. He never understands her need for affection is important. The woman cannot happily/willingly make love unless she fall in love with her husband. Yes, she liked him from whatever she understood about him once or few times she met him. But like is not enough. She needs to love him. If he spends time knowing each other and going slow, it would have helped. He works hard(really hard, doesn’t get enough sleep) and only goes to her when he needs it. She feels it’s so mechanical. No feelings. She clearly told him that she is not interested in lot of money and wants his time. She told him to take a less stressful job where he has time for family. He is working overtime not because he earns less but he is very ambitious. The wife also worked for ten years and took care of the kids. He hardly had anytime for her or for the kids. They are in the 40s and she hates to have sex with him. She prefers to use the word “sex” instead of
    “making love” because there aren’t feelings involved.
    She asked me “why the hell did he marry me. He could just get a doll. Wouldn’t be of much difference”. One day this guy called me and said ” do you know how much I suffer. My wife is like a zombie. So not into it”. I asked him if he has ever shown any affection and his reply was “Affection is not in my blood”. I replied to him, “Maybe without affection, making love is not in her blood”. According to me, the woman is the victim here. She tried her best to explain what she needs, but he never understood.
    Scenario 3- Husband and wife are both affectionate. But his mom warned “don’t hold hands, don’t go out to walks with her.” The man fears that if he expresses love maybe people will think he is henpecked. The woman stays in marriage but is attracted to this other guy, who is willing to be romantic with her. He Holds her hand while they walk together etc. she is not ready to live the marriage for the sake of kids or financial security or society etc, but she can’t love her husband who is stuck up and she needs company somewhere else. I guess both are victims here.

    Scenario 4- the wife’s mother. The control freak one who will destroy the marriage

    Scenario 5- The husband’ mother who doesn’t want her son to get close to the daughter in law.

    I have read somewhere above that the woman stays in the marriage but has an extra marital affair. So she does have feeling and desires. If it was only money, she would not need an extra marital affair. So what is it that is leading to it. So what is it that she is getting from that guy that you are not able to give. Affection, respect, spend time, romance, communication… ???

    A woman was married to a doctor and she ended up having an affair with a teacher who earns a lot less than the doctor. Her complains… Always puts me down, compares me with his mother, no respect, always talks rudely, etc

    Imagine a man starts living with his inlaws and the wife always complains that you don’t earn as much as my father. Torture
    In the same way when a woman is compared with mother in law, it’s a torture.

    I have seen women flirting with rich men and are unhappy in their marriage because they are greedy for money. These women are never satisfied,
    But woman who have married rich men, and still looking out for other men. Half these women are not getting the needed affection that will lead to making love., hence finding it outside.

    I am not supporting extra marital affair. Just my opinion on different scenarios.

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