Having married to my wife’s success and to my great loss for seven years and having paid the tax to maintain the govt. sponsored legal terrorism racket for last three years I get scared whenever someone asks me about my take on second marriage rather a successful second marriage. If I really knew how a marriage can become a success without sacrifice from both ends and without the greed and ever-changing expectations of a relationship my marriage wouldn’t have been on rocks.
Well, now that I am better equipped with all the failure stories from different parts of India and now that I have access to India’s best counselors for male victims in different men’s rights groups, I feel I am in a better position to comment on this. However, I still feel that all these precautions may not guarantee 100% success rate. After all there is a saying that – even god does not know the character of a woman, how a man can know.
All of us look for a partner in life – a partner who will stand by us in all times and someone who will be our support in bad and failure times. But when we marry we experience the exact opposite. Today’s empowered women who are more bothered of showing their skin and exposing in public in the name of empowerment do not know how to take care of someone. They demand separation from husband in bad times, property when the husband is deep in loans and evict aged and ailing in-laws out of their own home under different laws empowering women.
There are many cases that come to me where the wife does not even give medicines to the husband when he is ill rather they curse the man for falling sick. Even worse some of them go to their parent’s house leaving the man alone in the house. Today’s marriages experience unforeseen turbulence and unforeseen cruelty that is not even considered as cruelty in the eyes of gender biased family laws.
In this situation we experience many men committing suicide. Technically speaking all the wives of these men become widows. It does not matter whether the wife has driven the man to commit suicide the woman becomes one of those “Innocent Widows”.
At this juncture I remember the case of Bangalore based IT professional Manoj Kumar who was driven to commit suicide by his wife. He and his family was not only tortured for months by the wife and her family members but he was not allowed to meet his own son. In his suicide note he has written only two words – “Sorry Son”. These two words written by a dad before committing suicide tells us how deeply involved he was with his son, even though he was not allowed to see the child. This shows how responsible father he was and that he was struggling with all kinds of cruelty only for his son, but ultimately had to give up because our legal system didn’t give him any chance to prove his point and punish the cruel woman. A child who is probably taught today how bad his father was will never know this reality. He will grow up hating his father and there will be no one to tell him that he had the most caring dad in the world, the best dad that one can get.
Remember there are 64000 Manoj Kumars dying like this every year in India. All of them are registered as farmers in the feminists’ books. I just told you the story of one such father. I could have told you the story of Syed Makdoom or someone else and all the stories would have been at the same level of cruelty.
….and all these wives are known as widows in the second marriage market.
Remember, there are 64000 of them spread across India and this count is increasing every year. There is no one to cry for this ever increasing number of male genocide and there is no term like “Dowry Death” to describe such deaths. We don’t know the real identity of these women as all these names are suppressed by our legal system. No one can create a FB page demanding hanging these women, because in women centric laws it is not possible to make the name of either victims or the accused women public. How funny, no one realizes that this is just giving legal shelter to these criminals. They are never punished, a few of them might have seen jail for a couple of days under pressure from men’s rights groups but that’s it.
I remember the stories from Raja Rammohan Roy’s time when widows meant young women whose husbands died because of their age and ailments and left the young women high and dry in their lives. Those women were forced to maintain a strict disciplined life had diet restrictions. Marrying widows were considered a noble act then. Today, the same is not true. Today’s widows can go the bar, discotheque, have multiple sex partners and still claim victimhood. So marrying them is no more a noble act at least not for these 64,000 women.
So whenever someone comes to me with a desire to marry a widow I ask them to check how cruel she is. If she is behind the death of her former husband it is a strict no no to marry such women. Let them die alone, the last thing any man can do is to empathize with them and marry and get into the suicide whirlpool himself. The black hole of legal terrorism is always waiting for such men to gulp them.
Question is – are all such widows at fault? May not be. What if the man was really cruel or he committed suicide due to financial reasons, debts. At least our feminist groups and our govt. too say most of the men commit suicide due to financial reasons. Even though the NCRB data says the highest reason for husband suicide is family dispute but it never clarifies that the wife was behind the dispute. The data is never captured like that. It is only from the men’s rights groups we still try to dig into each reason to find out the root cause of financial hardship as the wife or unnecessary demand from her side.
To understand the real reason behind the death of the former husband of your would be wife, probe her deeply about the demise of her husband. If she hesitates or averts the topic you know she is trying to hide something. Don’t proceed unless you know she had been open to you about the death.
Once you get full story from her side (I am sure in most of the cases she will show financial debt or will have other stories behind the suicide) take the diary number and check with the relevant police station about their conclusion on the death and related cases if any. If you think it is getting interesting hold on….I have still some additional check points for you.
Apart from getting the police perspective of the issue, contact the family members of the man. Take their address from your would be and go to their house. If she was not at fault she will still have good relation with her past in-laws. However, she may or may not stay with them.
If she gives their contact information without hesitation you know that she was probably not at fault but remember many a times the ailing parents are not aware of what is happening in their son’s life because we men always try to protect everyone including our parents. But meeting them and talking to them will give you a clear perspective behind their son’s death. From there on you need to contact his siblings (if any) or any other relative of friend who was close enough to that man.
In today’s self–centric world please do not be surprised if relatives can’t give you good information. This is because we try to keep all such family issues within four walls. But this is a necessary step you need to follow even if you know this may not yield any result. If you get any remote or slightest hint of involvement of your would be bride, make note of that instantly.
If you get substantial hint about the suicide from the above steps and come to know that the woman was at fault you need to immediately cut all correspondence with her. But we men become weak in front of a beautiful woman. So it is very likely that when the hint is subtle you will still tend to ignore them.
To understand the nuances of her past relation and her cruelty level, now you need to carry out some tests with her. These tests are traditional test to find out if she greedy for money, property or not. How compatible she is with people, her temper level etc.
To understand how emotionally attached she was in her relation, figure out how quickly after the death of her husband she is looking for a marriage. If it is a few months after her first relation of years, you will know something was not good in her past. May be she has never loved her husband. So if she has said that the death was unfortunate etc. you know how much lies she has told you. Two people living together for sometime can’t just forget the deceased spouse easily unless she was desperate to remove the obstacle.
To understand her greed level, try this. Understand where all they used to go for vacation, for weekly dinner, parties etc. Also try to understand whether she had ever contributed to her family. Remember, women tell lies in straight face and we men are the fools to accept all of them. In my case even if I had proof of my wife’s bad behaviour I always became soft towards her and wanted to give her a chance. Don’t become a moron when you meet these potential brides. Beauty is really skin deep, her beautiful smile that can win you today, can also kill you tomorrow. So have a life and don’t imagine too many things in your early days of meeting her.
To understand her temper level try this – In one of your meetings criticise her and observe how she reacts. Check how violent she can become. Try to find out what she will do to eliminate her enemies. These are sure shot tests to find out how compatible she is with you. Tell some imaginary stories of how a wife mistreats her husband and still avoids jail term and see what opinion she has for such women. Well please don’t expect her to be a MRA like me but you need to look for her respect level for herself and for men in general.
Once you know her cruelty level check if she is really after your money. There are many ways to do the same. If you are taking her out on dinner, (remember these are not dates but only meetings to know each other) to certain category of hotels, next time take her to a lower level of restaurant. If you are taking her in your car, take her in ricks and see how she behaves. Remember, most of these women may not react in the beginning because they want to be nice with you, observe subtle changes in her behaviour and keep your sixth sense on (who said men do not have sixth sense?).
Another good way to check the reality of a woman is from her woman friends. If you are lucky and get to that level you may get wealth of information from there.
Many modern women claim to us that they want equality, they are not after man’s money but in reality they follow the opposite path. Check how much equal she considers herself.
If you find her accepting such changes with open mind and probably helping you in some cases and if you do not have negative reports about her past from you preliminary investigation with the man’s family and friends, you have probably got the right bride.
Remember marrying a widow may be more dangerous if you don’t ensure that she was not the one who was behind her husband’s death.
If none of the women pass your tests, be happy that you have identified them early in your life. Remember, being single is much better rather than being lonely in a relationship.
If you think this article was a useful read for you, please share this with others and spread this knowledge. If you are outrageous and think this is biased then still you share with others to have a healthy discussion on this topic. My blog is open to the feminists to share their free opinion as well.