Many times I am asked my opinion on choosing the RIGHT bride for second marriage. Well, even though I am not an expert in identifying the right single woman (I myself got into a wrong relationship) for a marriage, as I have seen all kinds of women being cruel to their husbands, so I prefer to observe caution in choosing a bride for second marriage.
My first advice to anyone going for second marriage is to avoid any woman who is a single parent, a single mom and a champion of women empowerment. They are the same women who are termed by the feminists as the strong women because of their bravery of being a single mother.
Recently, when I was studying the behavior of these potential brides for second marriage, I observed that many such single mothers DID NOT want to marry a man with a child. For these empowered women, it did not matter whether the child is living with the man or not. In one such scenario, one person known to me told the sad story. He had a child living with his divorced wife but still, the women he was trying for his second marriage were rejecting his marriage proposal simply because he had a child.
Being associated with various men’s rights groups for a long time, I quickly understood that these were the greedy women who did not have any feeling for children. These empowered women wanted to ensure that the man’s property rights were owned solely by the women and THEIR children while the ‘man’ continued to pay their bills and maintain them. It was a very easy way for these women to loot men and to use them for their personal gains.
So, if you are trying for your second marriage and you find the single mothers coming to you for a second marriage, please tell them that you have a child even if you don’t. You will be able to guess what the woman is really seeking from her new relation. Many of them will reject you at the first instance of hearing that you have a child (feel good that some of these parasites are removed from your life early on).
If you still find some other women sticking to you, tell them you are planning to bring your child to you after your second marriage. This will be a great shocker for most the greedy single women who might have got a fortune from their first divorce and are planning to loot their second husband as well. If a woman does not love children except her own, she is not fit to be a good mother and these tests will tell you if she is a good mother. After all, you are seeking to find a good mother for your future children in this marriage.
If you find a single mother who is willing to marry you and agrees to you that you should bring your child to you, it is natural for you to think that she loved children and also respected the emotions of a father. Now if her child is living with her, find out how frequently she allows the father to visit the child or she sends the child to the father. If you find she never allows the father to meet her child, you will instantly know the level of her cruelty. Most often the women who do not allow the child to meet the real fathers will tell many stories of the father being dangerous for her kid.
If you are already divorced or have gone through the divorce process you know how cruel the family laws are for males. In such situations, a father not fighting for child custody is very natural. So it becomes the responsibility of the mother to allow the child to visit the father or at least show that she had tried her best to keep the father engaged with the child but the man was reluctant.
When you find that the man was reluctant to keep the child or to have regular visits to the child there may be many reasons behind that. One shocking reason could be the child is not his biological child but the illicit child of your second bride. In our legal system, there is NO provision for a husband to get justice and such husbands are forced to maintain wife’s illicit children. So a husband is reluctant to meet a child raises a question whether the child is his own child or if he suspects the child to be an illicit child and hence went through a divorce.
Our legal system is so much cruel to males that a husband suspecting his wife’s fidelity has no legal recourse. Courts do not easily give permission for a DNA test to prove paternity and to file a complaint on the basis of wife’s chastity is considered as biggest cruelty in our legal system. Most of such marriages end up in peaceful mutual divorce as the man has practically no option to save his life from a prostitute.
So even when you know that your would be bride is a single parent and had mutual consent divorce (MCD) you are not sure if she is one of those who slept around and was looking for a scapegoat in you to maintain herself. You really don’t want her to continue the same unchaste behavior from your house.
There is only one way to know this is to ask for a DNA paternity test report from your would be the second bride. Sounds harsh? Yes, it is. When the marriage system has become a property transaction institute and there is no way to know in advance what the woman had done earlier or will do in future, it is better to give these shocks early in life.
When you ask for a DNA test report almost always you will be shunned instantly. If it is, then suggest an alternative to her. Suggest you wanted to meet her ex-husband and his family to know the reality. If it was really a respectful divorce due to compatibility issues (as she might have told you) she should not have any issue with you meeting her ex. But in most cases, she will not be OK for you to meet her ex.
There is another alternative to this. Try to find out how long they had been living separately before getting divorced, what are the cases filed by both parties etc. Try to find out why she has filed the cases she did and what was the logical conclusion to her cases. These will tell you how innocent the single mother and your prospective bride is. Remember if she has filed false criminal cases against her past husband, if she had deprived a father of meeting his own child, she is likely to do the same to you too. So in all probability, it is best to avoid such women from entering your life.
Remember one thing, most of the so-called ‘Innocent Divorcees’ and single mothers had the huge benefit of law in their favor in their earlier divorce. So no matter what they did earlier in their life that would have been suppressed by our legal system, but that wouldn’t have changed their character.
A question may arise what if she was really innocent and wanted to save her marriage but her ex-was extremely cruel to her. Well, find out the cases she had filed and how she has proved her points in court. There is enough provision in our law to punish a man unnecessarily and if that did not happen you know the reality.
In all second marriage cases also try to find out the monetary settlement that has happened. If you find the division was without any contribution from the woman’s side ask uncomfortable questions to her regarding the settlement so that the single mom can clarify her points. Find out if the compensation to her (assuming she was innocent) was commensurate with her contribution in her marriage. Remember, a woman who had extorted a man earlier will always try to do that in future too, because she has got the taste of our legal system.
Question the empowered single mother to know why she had taken money from someone who she hated. When she tells you stories about how she was tortured by her ex please remember that your ex also tells the same cruelty stories to everyone she meets. So filter out her sobbing stories and find out the truth.
Normally, I don’t advise anyone to proceed in a relationship without asking many uncomfortable questions early in their life. This clears off confusion about the real character of a female early in life rather than at a later stage when a man has hardly any opportunity to retract. Remember a single mom has already deprived a child and a father of their natural relation. She may do it again and this time you will be the scapegoat. Hence, it is best to avoid such nuisance in your life. Most of these single moms are just looking for a free ATM to pay their bills. You will understand this if you have suffered from the atrocities that our family courts bring in Indian males life.
I will end this with a real-life story of Manoj Kumar from Bangalore. He and his family were subjected to extreme cruelty by his wife and he was not allowed to meet his child too. In the end, he was forced to commit suicide. In his suicide note, he could only write “Sorry Son”. Even his wife will try to show how tortured she was in her first marriage. Make sure you are not marrying a woman like her and ruining your own life.
- Dear Single Mother Child – your mother might have deprived you of the best parent
- Paternity Fraud is a child rights issue
- Paternity Fraud and related crime to continue in India
- Dating Single Mothers? Just Say NO! A note for all single dudes
- Second Marriage Survey for Indian men