Cruelty Against MIL and SIL
Recently in one of the MRM events Mothers-in-law (MILs) and Sisters-in-law (SILs) demanded their rights and shown their side of the story to national media.
This event organized at Press Club, Kolkata got immediate success and became headline quickly. Social media was quick to catch the fire and spread the same in no time.
As a Men’s Rights Activist myself I am supposed to be happy if the cause for which I am fighting all odds today is highlighted in any manner. However, I am not.
Why MRAs Should Not Talk About Cruelty Against Mothers and Sisters
MRM groups all over India need to remember one thing all the time that cruelty / legal terrorism against men is not justified at any point in time. Even though I don’t disagree that similar cruelty against MILs and SILs is also not justified and to show that to media can be another way to showcase the common cause but every time we highlight cruelty against MILs and SILs from any of the MRM forums we show a cause to the others that these laws are bad because of the suffering of some women. We don’t really portray that these laws are bad because they stereotype men in the society.
I would like to ask one simple question to the organizers of such events. If women in our families are not affected by these laws will that be fine? Suppose from tomorrow a ruling is implemented that no MIL or SIL can be arrested/punished under 498a and only the husband will be punished if at all is that fine?
I am sure all MRAs will concurrently say that it is not fine. Then why is this highlight of cruelty against mothers and sisters from an MRM forum? Aren’t we diluting the subject of cruelty against men under these biased laws by trying to take shelter under the women in our families? What happens to those men who do not have any women in his family? Or what happens when the law does not particularly affect any woman? Will that be fine with us?
Even though I am all in favour of highlighting our cause any possible manner but one thing all MRM groups need to remember that this cause of sufferings of MILs and SILs can be an allied cause and can be organized under the banner of an organisation supporting causes for mothers and sisters but NOT under the banner of an MRM group. This type of events can also be organized in an event where an MRM group is a co-organizer of the event and not the sole organizer of the same.
Another point of shock from the event was when the event was supposed to talk about cruelty against MEN and their families it showed all women on dies and conveniently ignored the main component of the cause – MEN.
All MRM groups and all MRAs need to necessarily remember that it is important to know what we are trying to say and HOW we are trying to say that. There is no harm in highlighting the cause of mothers and sisters of ours but for that, we should have at least one such group as the co-organizer of the event e.g. either All Indian Forgotten Women’s Association or All India Mother-in-law Protection Forum.
MRAs please note, that we as men do not need approval from any woman if we demand our rights. It does not matter whether our mothers or sisters are subjected to cruelty to or not. What matters whether legal terrorism is affecting men or NOT. As MRM we need to focus on that and nothing else.
Superb. Really needed.
//I would like to ask one simple question to the organizers of such events. So if women in our families are not affected by these laws will that be fine?
Suppose from tomorrow a ruling is implemented that no MIL or SIL can be arrested / punished under 498a and only the husband will be punished if at all is that fine?//
It will be fine for me if the word “relatives” are removed from 498a….
I agree we should have a co-organiser of the event
Such rulings will dilute 498a………..
498a is a game of Blackmail…
If Husbands are ready to get arrested, Police threatens arrest of parents and relatives……
in fact in TN there is a court order and circular prohibiting arrest of Parents of Husbands !!
In India it is very difficult to repeal any Law…
At best we can dilute the same !
Thanks sir. I will say alternately we can have some senior male members like fathers or grandfathers on the stage.
UR too good. Have always wondered on television debates why we keep stressing on MIL & SIL.
This is a good writeup but I am little confused on your statement in the end “MRAs please note, that we as men do not need approval from any woman if we demand our rights” . Whereas in your other blog (https://parthasadhukhan.wordpress.com/2013/11/12/indian-mens-rights-movement-needs-more-women-activists/) you have mentioned that women activists are necessary for Men’s Right movement. This looks little contradictory. Anyways I like your blogs but this might send confusing signals to new-bies. Anticipating your reply.
Good point noted. However, there is a minor difference. In this program the women spoke about cruelty against them (women) and how THEY have suffered. They might have also spoken about men’s suffering but that takes a backseat when only women’s causes are highlighted.
I said in my earlier blog – we need more women in this movement to talk about men’s issues and NOT women’s (mothers and sisters) issues. Also I said we need more women activists but that doesn’t mean we only need to show women activists and promote them. When we do that that dilutes our importance.
Hope I am clear. If not feel free to ask additional questions
Partha….If you had tried to critically examine your own statement of fact “This event organized at Press Club, Kolkata got immediate success and became headline quickly. Social media was quick to catch the fire and spread the same in no time.”, you would have come to a very different conclusion.
Notwithstanding the reality of the fact that the genesis behind this activity lay the issue of “Misandry” and that the forum used was one which ought to remain focused on the issue, I opine that certainly it was a sanguine effort in the right direction and in way the hosting of the event from the platform of MRA has diluted its “Aim & Objective”.
It is a war out there. This is a war of unequals. On one side , you have Women’s Forums who are monoliths as they are getting funded by Ford Foundation, United Nations “CEDAW” , Government of India & some of the Corporate Houses besides all the political parties, last but not the least the MEDIA.
On the other side MRA’s are pitted , who are a fragmented lot of individual sufferers , most of whom are struggling to survive the draconian sword given in the hands of ‘Women NAY Wives”. We the soldiers of the MRA’s are putting in our best efforts by writing blogs, Organizing street plays, candle marches, sending e-mails & SMS’s to politicians & powers that be , even knocking at their doors in personal capacities and as groups.
We must grant ourselves a smile, that our efforts did yield results despite the adversary being so strong, that the “IrBM” was halted in its tracks to become a “Law”.
Of course, as warriors we can not afford to sit on our small victory & as the bigger battle is still ‘On’. Coming back to my request for the need to critically examine the content of your factual statement that the event was a success with the Media & Social Networking Sites. Well if you permit me to use the phrase in native language ” Loha Lohey ko Kat ta Hai”. Meaning, you need “hardened Steel” to cut “Steel”. In the context of discussion , that hardened steel is ” Mothers ably supported by sisters” , that is “Two- Third sub-set” of women population whereby isolating and cornering the enemy in the form of “Women Nay Wife” . Of course, they (MIL-SIL) are direct sufferers of misplaced perception in the society , that all mother-in- laws and sister-in-laws of a young bride are evil. At least in India, this mis-perception is in reality the sole reason behind the framing of Biased Laws favouring Women(Nay-Wives). And we the Men have became suckers and Misandry a new form of Bias got rooted in the psyche of developing society.
This 2/3rd women force, in reality has the power in them to stop the onslaught of Misandry against men by taking on the women forces projecting Wives. I can bet, that the day, we can get 500 yes only 500 mothers protesting ‘4’ Cosmos against the Biased Laws , that will be the nadir of our struggle , which will force the powers that be to rethink about making Wife Centric Laws , inter-alia halting the “Misandry” as well.
Mothers are greatest protectors of Rights of Son. WE can not forget Rani Laxmibai who fought British India Company to protect rights of her son. Men may be strong but they do require protection from Mothers , however strong they might have become.
Sir, your write up is soo cool…want more blogs from you
Quit playing these dirty games with me. I can very well understand who actually is this seemingly innocuous comment addressed to.
I do have a suggestion for you since your friends love taking digs at feminists like me at:
MILs & SILs being terrorized by the naive daughters-in-law – now that’s NEWS to me!
/Mothers are greatest protectors of Rights of Son. WE can not forget Rani Laxmibai who fought British India Company to protect rights of her son. Men may be strong but they do require protection from Mothers , however strong they might have become./
For once, can such men in our country grow up and take responsibilities for their actions as mature ADULTS.
This just seems like mama’ boy-talk to me. 🙂
All you men out here, grow up and get a life without the mommy,!
LOL….can you stop crying? xD
I know being a feminist all you have to do is CRY but you might want to take a break, no?