How to Force a Man to Protect Himself First

Men often do not want to protect themselves first. As a result, they find themselves alone when in trouble. Helping them also means telling them to think about themselves first.


He called me again after one week.

-So, you have gone through the blog? – I asked

-Yes, interesting indeed. I did not know so many things. Actually, I have never thought like this Partha. No one ever told me all these.

-I didn’t see any question from you on my blog, so, is everything clear to you now? No questions?

His silence told me that he was not sure if he could ask any questions that might offend me. In any case, he was still looking for help and he never thought that last one week was of any help to him. So he asked –

– Partha, I mean can we discuss my case now?

– Not yet, let me understand how much you understood the posts, I need to make sure that you have assimilated the material that we have developed to help people like you.

– But Partha, none of the articles were on 498a misuse. All were different. So I am still clueless as to how these will ever help me….he said

– Hmm….that means you have just read the articles, not understood. At least do you understand now how these gender biased laws are creating legal terrorism, what is the fallout of such terrorism, what is happening to the society etc?

– Yes, I did. This is the sorry state of affairs of our legal system that needs to be revamped.

– Good. Now you know the reality. Tell me why our laws are like this?

He was again clueless. He did not know what to say. He said –

– Why? I don’t know.

– is because of people and families like you.

He was shocked to the core..he protested in a confused manner. So I had to elaborate –

– You and your family have projected and fought against all crimes against women all these years. You have read, vehemently protested in all possible forums, shared news articles, blogged, debated and made ‘Crime Against Women’ look bigger than it actually is…

– Wait, but see how many such cases are filed every year. Even your NCRB stat talk about the growing trend. I mean why do you think it is a trivial issue anyway? – He protested.

– No no.I am not saying it is a trivial issue. I am only saying, you have never looked into the false cases, you have never looked into the crime against men and children. Your creation of hype was always centred around women. So, society recognizes only crime against ‘women’ today.

He didn’t have anything to say to this. Probably he was trying hard to understand. So I asked –

– You said you have actively participated in Dharna against Delhi rape case. What have you done for Manoj Kumar?

He was shocked again. Even though he read the name in one of the blogs but he didn’t remember that. So he said –

-Who is that?

– A techie like you. – I replied. And from your reply, I understand that you don’t even bother about crime against men by women.

He was visibly embarrassed. So he added –

– I mean, I am sorry for my ignorance but why is Manoj famous?

– He is one of the 64,000 married men who commit suicide every year. He is one of the farmers to the Mahila Commission leaders.

– Farmer? You said, techie, na? – He was completely lost..

– Yes, farmer. That is how women group leaders mention these deaths in national debates. Manoj committed suicide due to sustained cruelty by his wife and in-laws on him and his family members. But you don’t even know his name, why?

– No, I missed that news maybe. – he spoke in a very low voice.

– Listen, media doesn’t want you to see these kinds of news at all. So they have published it on the fifth page in a very small way

– Ok..

– So people who commit suicide after this kind of cruelty actually don’t achieve anything, you see. No one even knows about them.

– I see

– No, you did not see. You did not even know that this was happening. Today you bother or listening about Manoj because you have become like him today. Does your sister know about Manoj?

– But why should my sister know about him? He was no one, just a techie right. – He was groping in the dark

– Why do you know about Nirbhaya or the Mumbai rape victim today? Are they related to you?

He was again lost. Didn’t know how a rape case and husband suicide was related. These two cases were completely different to him. So I added –

– You protested openly against Delhi and Mumbai rape right?

– Right

– Now ask your mother and sister to do the same in your 498a case. They should be as open and as vocal as all of you were after the Delhi/Mumbai rape case. I mean they should go out on the street with others, block roads, demonstrate, demand punishment, do all other activism that you did after rape cases..

– I do not understand why should they do all these? I am there no..- He was completely perplexed as to why all these unrelated discussions were happening.

– Tell me one thing. Why did you protest any rape case so vehemently?

– I wanted my family members safe. For the safety of my mother and sister. Because I love them and I need to protect them as a man.

– ….and who will protect you when you are in trouble? – I asked

– I mean, I am a man, so I need to protect myself right.

– So, could you protect yourself in your 498a case? – I asked

He did not know suddenly I will come back to his case. He said –

– Well, our laws are like that. What can I do?

– So when you are not able to do anything, ask your mother and sister to do. Ask all those women for whom you have fought all these years to save you now.

– I did not understand. How are other women related to my case? Why should they fight?

– The same reason you fought for Nirbhaya or the Mumbai journalist. They were not related to you too, but still, you fought right.

– Well, women normally can’t fight so much you know.. – He tried to be defensive.

 – Oh is it? Then what happened after the Delhi case? Who were the majority protestors?


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